Post # 77
I would never, ever do this. Technically, it’s adultery, but that’s not even my biggest reason for avoiding a situation like this. The main problem is that a person in that situation is in such a complete mess. A year of separation is nothing compared to years of marriage with kids. I couldn’t handle it, and I wouldn’t want to. There would be issues constantly with the ex-wife, having to listen to your SO complain about his ex-wife, and dealing with a child at the same time. Plus, I am not all that certain that people in that situation really know what they want or are capable of giving their heart fully to someone new just yet.
Post # 78
@MrsN14: Also, +1 to this. That’s another issue for me.
Post # 79
Would I date him? Sure. Would I take the relationshio seriously? Nope. Not until the divorce goes through. I would leave myself open to date others until he was no longer tied down.
Post # 80
I voted no, because in this situation I definitely wouldn’t. Whose to say how long he will stay married because he doesn’t want to “rock the boat”?
However, if it was a man that was already going through with the divorce I would consider it I guess. I don’t see anything morally wrong with it, I just wouldn’t want to deal with the drama.
Post # 81
@MrsVMT: if they’ve been separated for a while and they aren’t emotionally or physically married any more then yea I’d date him. Maybe he is waiting for the 2 years to pass so he can file for divorce without having to cite anything specific about her
Post # 82
@sesame: Because in your thread, you are giving blowjobs to a man who is living with his wife, has no plans to leave her, and who is keeping her completely in the dark about your existence. Both are technically adultery, but there are some major differences. Either way, I think both situations are very bad ideas.
Post # 83
@sesame: I think because the man in your scenario is actively married to a woman, ie cohabiting and living as man and wife. Whereas the man in this one is completely sepperated and has been for a year
Post # 84
@MrsVMT: In that situation, I wouldn’t be morally opposed. But I worry that it might still be messy. They’re broken up, but I still wouldn’t. Get a move on that divorce or find a different girlfriend. I don’t want some woman correctly phrasing it “you’re dating my husband”. Ick.
Post # 85
If it the was actively pursueing legal divorce and here was a hold up in paperwork or she was fighting, I might consider. But I completely disagree with hiding a relationship, so OPs situation would be a no-go for me.
Post # 86
They’re separated and not living together. Not a huge deal, but if I was your sister there is no way I’d continue dating him if he didn’t plan to get divorced sometime in the not so distant future. If he just planned to stay married forever there is no way I’d keep dating him.
In AUS you actually have to be separated for a year, I believe, before you can get a divorce. I Don’t think someone should have to wait a year to date when there is nothing they can do about their situation.
Post # 87
I have read no other comments, too lazy tonight. I simply cannot knowingly do this. There are a number of problems here:
1) They can always decide to work it out. If it is not finalized they can go right back as they were, and she would be left out in the cold.
2) The marriage is still legal. This means if ANYTHING happens to him, the wife will be able to swoop in and take over everything. If there is no legal seperation, all of the marriage rules still apply.
3) He could be a liar. Maybe he is not really married and is using that as a way to avoid committment. Perhaps, he is only telling partial truths. His own place could be a secret sex nest that the wife has no idea about. She could be blissfully unaware that he is cheating.
4) It is immoral to me. I believe that you get what you give out eventually. When you do find that special someone and get married, you may lose him due his infidelity.
5) No matter what, you always get stuck playing second fiddle and dealing with problems that you did not create and cannot solve.
Why be in an incredibly complex and problem-filled relationship when you could be with a man who has no extra drama, baggage, and problems? There are certainly men who do not have any of these issues. Oh, he can’t legally get married again until he is divorced. He may also not want to jump into another marriage after a failed one. This is so, so messy.
Post # 88
As other PPs have said, in a lot of states, you have to be legally separated for at least one year before you can officially file for divorce. So, yes, the divorce is already technically underway. Why should the guy have to wait an entire year to try and find happiness? If the marriage is over, it’s over and 366 days of being spearated vs. 365 isn’t going to change that.