Post # 1
So I posted a few weeks ago about my break up and you ladies gave me great tips. Despite everything, it has been really hard to the point that I almost thought I would go insane. I have few friends, (most who are either crazy busy working or married/occupied) and my BF was really my go to person for everything. I felt terrified and lost. I went to two therapists, a psychiatrist, even a shaman… Nothing was working, I was miserable and completely fantasizing about my boyfriend suddenly coming back like prince charming (even if that is completely crazy and he would never do that, at least I know him well enough). Last night my mother checked in with me and said – “Well if he really cared about you, he would have gotten his butt here already.” Sigh. Of course, as much as I hate it, mom is usually right.
I cannot fathom being with anyone else – it’s been so long. I don’t know where the heck I would meet anyone – I’ve never really dated before just been in long relationships with people. I am a single mom so that makes it even more complicated.
Anyhow, I guess I have to make peace that BF isn’t coming back. I need to get back out there somehow although I am worried I will have a total meltdown. I was thinking I should try speed dating – sounds like a safe, organized, forced interaction. Anyone tried it?
Also any other tips about breakups and/or dating afterwards would be appreciated.
thanks much appreciation ladies!
Post # 3
I think there is nothing wrong with going out on a date once you feel comfy to do so. The most important thing is to relax, have fun, and treat is VERY lightly. I think the biggest mistake a lot of girls make is diving in too soon and getting too comfortable, sort of falling in to where they had left off in the previous. It isn’t fair to get serious with anyone right now and you will find your focus will not be completely on any new guy. Speed dating is an interesting way to meet new people and for some companionship or fun, why not? I’m sort of a “try nything once” kinda girl, though…it is really up to you.
The best advice I ever got honestly was from my brother. He told me to date myself for a year. Considering I always seemed to have a boyfriend in highschool got married at 21, divorced at 29 and was dating by 30 again…after a fizzled out long term he asked me when was te last time I was alone..like, totally alone.
Dating myself was actually A LOT OF FUN!!!!
I took myself to the bookstore and then down to the beach, I drew, I wrote poetry as therapy. I went on road trips. It really helped the healing process and while I had the odd “date” here and there…it was more a dinner out and nothing more.
There is no reason to rush these things, Id highly recommend a pet if you dont have one. 🙂
ETA: I was a single mom as well and I know where you are coming from. 🙂
Post # 4
Maybe it’s too soon for you to think about dating again. I know for some people, a quick rebound works wonders, but I think it’s more important to work on yourself. When you’re with someone that long, he becomes a part of you, and it does feel like half of you is missing. It’s normal, and it will take time to heal. If you want a funny sarcastic article about why breakups suck? click here. http://www.cracked.com/article_18673_6-scientific-reasons-breakups-suck-worse-than-you-think.html
The reason I want you to read the article is because I want you to be able to detach yourself from the emotions a little bit. I know that sounds hard. But personally for me, it hurts a lot less to think “I miss him because I’m going through a type of withdrawal and decrease in feel good endorphins” than to think “I miss him because I can’t imagine my life without him.”
Also, maybe you need to tap into the person you were before he walked into your life. What did you like to do? hobbies you had? I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know its very hard. But you’ll get through this. =)
Post # 5
@fivemonthsnotice: Hm, that is actually a really interesting idea. Everytime I looked to my boyfriend or someone else to fill a need. I never have really thought about myself as someone who could be good company for me. Yeah, you are right about trying to fill in a spot too quickly – this last relationship I jumped into soon after my 8 year relationship with my kids’ dad eneded…I probably should have been a little more careful. I got attached quickly to the wrong person and now devastation! Thanks for the tip it is a great one.
@WonderBee: Lol, yeah I totallyt have BF addiction..he’s like crack…so good yet so so bad. haha. And I am totally poorer after my postbreakup shopping spree. It’s true that it is helpful to think of a break up as something that people go through vs. the world has ended (which is what it feels like). You know I haven’t really ever been single in my adult life. I think it’s probably time to try to find a hobby :p Thank you for sharing the article, break ups suck big time – I told a girl yesterday and she said, “I don’t know how you are not a hot mess right now!” I am totally a mess, not hot but a mess!