(Closed) Dating almost 7 years…and I feel like everyone else is moving ahead.

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

My only advice is that life is not a race. No one is moving ahead of you. Move at your own pace and do what’s best for you on your schedule. As we say in yacht racing, “sail your own best race” which means do the best you can with your conditions and pay no attention to what everyone else is doing because the wind, boat, sails and crew (variables) are different for them than the same variables are for you so you can’t compare. 

Post # 4
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I have sometimes felt that way over the course of my rather long engagement. FH proposed in September 2010 and we aren’t getting married until March 2014. There were lots of times when I got so annoyed and frustrated watching everyone around me getting engaged after me and married before me. I hated it. It drove me nuts, but then I realized that I am not in competition with anyone. This is our life and we did things the way we did so they would work out for us, not someone else. 

My best advice is just to not let the waiting consume you. If you busy yourself with other things, then the time goes by faster and you’ll be engaged before you know it. That’s what happened to me. The second I started being busy, the years flew by, and now I’m getting married next year. And believe me, I thought this was the least helpful advice ever, because I came on the Bee and vented about my waiting too, but it’s so true. 

Post # 5
Member
2573 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@stephanie1989:  I agree with PPs that life is not a race, and I love one of the PP’s post about how life is like sailing (So true!). However, to make you feel better, think of it this way. You have already survived an LDR, moving a long distance (I’m assuming you moved to Asia from the US?), share a bank account, share animal care responsibility, and share an apartment and car. Even though you are not married, you are already experiencing things married couples experience and have a better idea if you are compatible in the money, dependent care, and lifestyle departments. A couple that hasn’t been together as long as you have and gets engaged may not get a chance to do all this to check compatibility before they get married. You have the luxury of doing so. Thus, when your SO pops the question, you should feel more confident in your decision to say “Yes.” Kiss

Post # 7
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Darling Husband and I dated for over seven years before getting engaged.  During that time I saw friends meet, marry, some divorce, some remarry.  There were the “why are you not married” and the questions about our relationship.

Be happy for your friends.  It’s not a race or a comparison.  A race would imply the same starting point or the same destination.  They are traveling their own path just as you are traveling yours.  Don’t let the questions or uncertainty eat at you.  You are building a foundation for your life together and it’s no one else’s business how you set those foundation blocks.

Post # 8
Member
9202 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@stephanie1989:  Hey girl, I know how you feel – we started dating when I was 17, also went to different colleges (on opposite coasts – oh and studied abroad on separate continents!), and were together for 12 years before we got engaged!  However, I didn’t particularly want to get engaged/married until recently – I knew that what we had was the real deal and we’d be together forever regardless of legal status.

It can be hard when you get together so young and it’s been a long time already, but remember that your guy is only 24 or 25.  He’s still a baby man!  For some men, it’s really hard to be comfortable with the idea of marrige before their career is stable and they feel like they can be the “head of a household”, even if that doesn’t actually apply.  Even when for all practicalities, you’re already married.  It’s nothing to do with you, and it has nothing to do with the pace your friends are moving at.

The good news is, you guys are on the same page and he says it’s coming.  Just hang tight and remember that your relationship is way more than your legal status.  (Plus, when you DO get married, your friends and family are going to be PSYCHED!  Trust me.)  xoxo

Post # 9
Member
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

The advice on here is awesome. I feel very similar to you. I’m almost at 6 years with SO and feeling the itch sooooo bad! My friends are getting engaged/married and out of my friend, we’ve waited the longest. It makes me feel like something is wrong with me/him/us.

It get extremely frusterating. That’s why I love this site though! I can get it off my chest and know others are going through the same thing

Post # 10
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@memo:  There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you, him, or your relationship.  Who knows, maybe you’ll get engaged tomorrow!  Maybe he is saving for the ring, or waiting for the right moment.

 

It’ll all be okay.  Smile!  Laughing

Post # 11
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@stephanie1989:  I am sure he is waiting for the right moment.  Don’t worry, things will fall into place.  Laughing

Post # 12
Member
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@luxed:  awww thanks πŸ™‚ that definitely put a smile on my face

Post # 13
Member
28 posts
Newbee

@stephanie1989:  

My best advice is just to not let the waiting consume you. If you busy yourself with other things, then the time goes by faster and you’ll be engaged before you know it.

Post # 14
Member
598 posts
Busy bee

@stephanie1989:  Yes I know how you feel! 6 years here and no real idea when it will come. We too got together when I was 17 and he was 19. He is done with school (has his masters) and I am back in school for nursing and have another 2 years left.

 

When will we get engaged? I have no idea and never got an answer other than “after we get a house” (which he plans to do this year.) When will we get married? Probably not until after I am done with school.

 

Waiting really used to upset me, ESPECIALLY because we have been going to more and more weddings. It’s like “okay these people have been together for 2 years and are getting married, we’ve been together for 6, HELLO?!?!” but then I realize everyones situation is different. They are mostly older too. It will come soon for you though! Don’t nag or ask him constantly about it. It will happen when you don’t expect it and it will be a surprise (which seems what your SO wants!)

Post # 15
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I was the same as you! Was with my then-boyfriend for 3 years before he proposed and that’s because I kept asking him about it… we never ended up getting married..

then with my fiancé, at the 2 year mark he proposed. Not the same waiting time as you but still I have some experience in the waiting department πŸ™‚ It sucks!!!!! You can always make bets with yourself that you will not dwell on it until a certain future time point (I told myself that if FH did not propose at the 3 year mark I would have a big talk with him). 

 

But I’m a little crazy πŸ™‚

Post # 16
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We started dating when we were 15. Later we did long distance in the beginning of college before he transferred to be closer to me. FINALLY he proposed after dating for 10 years, but honestly I was fine with that. I didn’t want to get engaged while in college and he decided to wait until we both had stable jobs, which is understandable. I do feel it got pushed back a little due to taking a few extravagant vacations to Europe and Hawaii though, but thats okay πŸ™‚

I felt like everyone around me was getting engaged, but honestly they hadn’t been together nearly as long and some of them have already separated. I think being together this long, especially enduring long distance time periods, is a testament to the strength of the relationship. We also have had a long engagement and by the time we get married this October we will have been together for 12 years! Its kind of a joke in my family that Fiance and I have been together longer than my parents (mom & stepdad). They had a bit of a whirlwind romance and got married after being together for only 6 months!! Honestly I’d take the long, growing romance over something impulsive like so many marriages these days. If your boyfriend never brought up marriage then I would maybe question it, but it sounds like he does have intentions of marrying you so just give him some time.

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