(Closed) Dating an older man….. Just some general advice and insight :)

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
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2452 posts
Buzzing bee

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TackyM007:  I think you need to look at this realistically and critically evaluate whether this is the type of life you want.

What’s likely going to happen over time is what happens with a lot of couples with large age differences. The younger individual will have to settle into the caregiver role at an earlier stage of life than normal. That’s just how it is for couples with age differences if they both age appropriately.

As for the sex, yes it is likely going to decline over time. Again, that’s how it is for the vast majority of men as they age. It’s great that he has the desire to work on your sex life if necessary, but the way I see it is that as you’re hitting your sexual peak in your 30’s he’ll start slowing down because he’ll be in his 50’s and that’s when people start slowing down due to their energy levels even if they’re perfectly healthy.

I wish you luck and think you should do what’s best for you.

Post # 17
Member
6397 posts
Bee Keeper

My first love was 24 years older than me, which is a significant age difference. and we were together for several years. My husband is only 8 years older than me. I would have to say dating an older man didn’t really have any perks. It ended up being one of the most eye opening relationships I’d ever had that’s for sure, but I don’t think I’d ever do it again. while I learned a lot and had a lot of fun in the relationship, it wasn’t a good fit for me.

Some things I learned:<br />1. realize that because he’s older – he may be more inclined to be set in his ways.<br />2. While it is fun now, as he gets older, it may be older for him to keep up.<br />3. What about kids? He’s already in his prime does he want kids? that was a big issue with my ex and I, he didn’t want kids, I did.<br />4. The sex was good, I’m not going to lie, but like you I worried about over time. And for us, it did decrease over time. It eventually decreased quite a bit. I loved him though and understood but it was a big part of a relationship for me.<br />5. We came from different eras and had different beliefs in the end.

I don’t think this will happen to you and I think you’ll have a great relationship I’m just mentioning what I learned in my experience with an older man.

Post # 18
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915 posts
Busy bee

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aka_nessa :  What kind of agenda?

Post # 20
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Since you’ve only been dating for a short time, I say just enjoy yourself and take it one day at a time.  However, if you think he’s a little clingy already, that could be a bad sign.

To my point though, my aunt married someone 13 years older than her.  She is 60 and he is 73.  For them health problems started showing up much sooner than she expected – in his early 50s.

If you do become serious with this guy, find out more about his family history as it can give a window of what can happen.  Are his parents alive and well?  Does he have a history of cancer with relatives?

But I think sometimes health issues are so random that you can do everything in the world correctly and still be very unlucky.  This uncle of mine, the one I refer to above, was a marathon runner, super healthy guy and he had a heart attack at age 52.  He needed open heart bypass surgery to save his life.  A couple of years after that he had a stroke.  He now has diabetes and the doctors cannot seem to get his blood sugar under control (and it doesn’t help that he eats crap whenever my aunt isn’t around).  She’s basically become his caretaker.  Sex life?  Pretty much non-existant since his bypass surgery I heard her say once.  They do not have kids so she is the only person taking care of him.  Now she has some issues of her own starting to show up (severe arthritis) and is very overwhelmed.

Is that to say she would not have married him given their age difference?  I don’t think so but at the same time I know she thought they would have had more time before health issues dominated their lives.

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