Dating and exclusivity?

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

View original reply
Brideordie :  lol. Now you’re being obtuse and you know it. I’m done. You know exactly what I mean. As long as you don’t understand the terms you use in your comments and refuse to learn them correctly you’ll get the same treatment on these boards as you have been. And your opinion being based on wrong information invalidates your stance on posts. 

Post # 48
Member
5785 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
MadamMiko :  well good luck with everything and don’t feel like you have to rush into things with this guy to keep him/scarcity mindset. Yes, some people like to date/marry like-cultured people for many beneficial reasons but rushing into things after a couple of months because it’s “in your russian culture” doesn’t make sense. It’s ok to be alone for a bit. Good luck.

Post # 49
Member
13048 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
MadamMiko :  OP, There are no limit to the number of intelligent, successful women who are not too smart when it comes to dating. You asked about exclusivity and did get your answer, just not one you liked. Namely, that exclusivity is inappropriate for someone you met twice as a friend of friend and have only Facetimed long distance since.

People can’t hide much when you date in person. Think of all the interaction with the world you don’t see online. How someone deals with others. Body language. How he functions in the real world.  

Believe me, you don’t really know him at this point. As I said before, even if this kind of matchmaking is common in your circles, it still doesn’t make it advisable to jump into an exclusive arrangement this quickly. A premature commitment should not be the goal here. A happy, lasting and compatible relationship should be. 

It’s moot right now anyway because of the crisis, but don’t fool yourself into imagining that Facetime or phone conversations compare to real dating. My advice is the same. Take your time and keep your options open. 

Post # 50
Member
737 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
MadamMiko :  Good for you. I’ve learned in my time reading these boards to take the advice with a grain of salt.

You do you.

Post # 51
Member
5785 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

 

View original reply
Brideordie : “you do you”.  Then what’s the point of being on here, doing for advice?

Post # 52
Member
737 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
lifeisbeeutiful :  Advice is great. Tearing someone down and inferring things from their post that simply aren’t there is another (I’m not saying you do). Or as we’ve seen from this post, people thinking they know someone owns life better than them. Sure give advice, but if the OP clarifies this or that, don’t tell them they’re wrong. Some people (again I’m not saying you do) only seem to want to feel superior by playing keyboard psychologist and diagnosing people and their relationships no matter what they say.

Post # 53
Member
5785 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
Brideordie :  no one is tearing OP down. Everyone is telling her to slow down. No point in being overly dramatic. 

Post # 54
Member
737 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
lifeisbeeutiful :  From her comments it seems she feels different. But I can’t talk for her. This isn’t worth arguing about anyway.

Post # 55
Member
5785 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
Brideordie :  it’s important to stay objective regarding other people’s advice and not label them as wanting to feel “superior” . I’m sure in your ece course you’ve learned the difference between being objective and subjective during observations. But maybe not. 

Post # 57
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
MadamMiko :  Oh and someone called BS on me saying people in my culture relocate for a relationship.

..

About relocation — it IS common for people of a certain cultural background to seek those of similar cultural make-up. I have seen a ton of these people from our mini-communities make moves not just across country, but across the globe. Maybe those who called BS don’t believe me, that’s OK.

I’m a Russian Canadian expat living and working in the US.  I, just like many others of our shared heritage, moved to the other side of the world and then did it again and again – but for my education and career and not some random dick.  That’s why I called bullshit on your attempt to present your plans as if you’re a freakin’ Decembrist wife.

Post # 58
Member
9366 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I really think we need to stop giving 

View original reply
Brideordie :  too much of our time and effort. She is clearly impervious to learning and has little or no ability to engage in serious discussion. In addition , l now think, is gleefully enjoying repartee of the “ooh you’re all such mean girls” or ” whateva”   variety .

View original reply
MadamMiko :  Do be careful, and l hope things go  well for you. 

Post # 59
Member
912 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
lifeisbeeutiful :  

“Then what’s the point of being on here, doing for advice?”

To get a different perspective? To vent, to get things out of one’s head and written down? These are well-known therapeutic tools when someone is processing a situation.

The ultimate decision ALWAYS lies with the OP. They have the absolute right to read all the advice given and ignore all of it, if they wish. Not sure why posters get their knickers in a knot about that. You can give advice and the person listening can disagree and disregard it if they wish.

Post # 60
Member
5785 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
indigobee :  you confirmed my point.  Perhaps it would be a good idea for you to read the comments above 👍

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors