Post # 1
I’ve been dating a 30 year old guy fairly casually for about 3 months. We aren’t in an exclusive relationship, but we’ve discussed that it could be heading that direction. The other day I jokingly brought up that we aren’t friends on Facebook and asked if I could add him. His response? “No. I don’t think we should be FB friends until we are in an actual relationship.” This completely threw me off guard because it seems like people I meet once or twice are always adding me as friends, and he and I have been hanging out for over 3 months! I asked why he was so adamant about not being friends, and he stated that wants to protect his privacy. Uhhh, what? He has like 400 friends, how much privacy is that giving him?
He’s got to be hiding something from me, right? Does this seem sketchy to anyone else?
A little background-he was divorced about a year ago. I know he and his ex-wife aren’t friends on facebook and he no longer has contact with any of her family. No kids from their marriage. Not sure if that’s relevant or not, but thought I’d throw it in there.
If things don’t work out with us, we can always unfriend each other later.
Post # 3
Yeah, something fishy is definitely going on. Why would he be seeing you if he didn’t trust you with ‘personal’ information? Very odd.
Post # 4
@PaperFlowers: I don’t think it’s fishy at all. I didn’t friend people until we were in an exclusive relationship. He might be a four-square-er who “checks in” everywhere and, if you’re not exclusive, could be doing so on dates with other people. He may have had a crazy exgirlfried who started stalking him and that scared him off friending love interests too soon. Maybe his kids ask about his “friends” and he’s not ready to talk about you yet.
Post # 5
@MexiPino: He doesn’t have kids. He and his exwife didn’t have children.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I don’t think it’s a good idea to friend someone you’re dating until you define the relationship and agree to be monogamous. Otherwise, you are asking for trouble. I friended my current FH the day after we met and I definitely read some unsavory stuff on his FB page that affected our early relationship.
It sounds like you might be ready to define the relationship and he isn’t. Maybe he thinks by friending him you will expect him to change his relationship status or otherwise announce your relationship to each other.
Post # 7
Honestly, it could be a million things, mutual friends of he and his ex-wife are on his FB, he has nosey family members on FB, he is dating other women…
You’re not exclusive yet, so all those things are ok.
If he’s otherwise a good guy, I would just let this go.
Post # 8
I agree that it’s a good thing not to be fb friends… FH isn’t on fb and has never been on fb and I’ll admit when we first met not being able to fb stalk him drove me a little nuts. However, in the long run I think it made things better. I had to learn everything about him like a normal person and not some crazy internet person… It was actually nice, haha.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t tolerate that (but then again, I never “dated” anyone very casually…the longest I ever went before being in a “relationship” was 6 dates.)
Post # 10
I don’t think anything is wrong about not wanting to be FB friends yet. Darling Husband and I weren’t FB friends until 8 months into the relationship. We just didn’t want to bother with it until we were seriously dating.
Post # 11
@beachbride1216: This – FH and I were FB friends about 2 years before we became an item and let me say, seeing some of that stuff prior to our relationship and remembering it and still having it out there later on sucked, to put it bluntly. (He has since removed the offending content, whew)
Post # 12
@PaperFlowers: Oh sorry! I dont’ know where I came up with that!
Still… as someone with a couple hundred friends, I still wouldn’t add someone until we were in an exclusive relationship.
Post # 13
I think it’s strange. Darling Husband “friended” me the day after we met. I only have around 100 “friends” on FB because I LOVE to defriend people so it wouldn’t be strange for me but it is for someone with over 400 “friends”.
Post # 14
I’m a little protective of my Facebook. I don’t add someone unless I know them… maybe he just had a really bad experience on FB with someone (he does have an ex-wife, right? Hmm) messaging and leaving posts about him non-stop.
I am just protective because I don’t like people knowing everything about me. I have a lot of Facebook friends sort of “blocked” from seeing anything I post too. But then again, I rarely post anything.
Besides, maybe he doesn’t want you to find out that he “liked” Justin Bieber or something. 😛
Post # 15
I think it’s a little odd with the privacy settings that exist.
Post # 16
@PaperFlowers: since you aren’t in an official relationship i think it’s a good idea not to be friends on FB yet. what if he or you flirt with somone on there? or get to asking “who’s so and so” and you guys are just casual still? that could be messy business!!