Post # 1
My SO and I have been dating for over two years, and have not had a fight. I think this is primarily because we have very open lines of communication. If he is concerned about something, he always brings it up and we talk about it. We are also good about not being hostile towards the person, in the event something goes wrong. Instead of, “Why do you always do that?”, it’s, “How can I help this be less frustrating?” We are jealous people, but we always talk that out too.
Everyone keeps telling us, “Just wait, you will.” and “A relationship without a fight, isn’t a real one.”
My question is:
What is there to fight about? What do you and your SO fight about (Specifics not necessary)?
I’ve taken a poll with the people I know, and I can’t really seem to pinpoint anything.
When you’re dating, you don’t have to worry about money, taking care of a living space together, or really do anything that, to me, is worth having a fight over.
I don’t know if it’s just that we’re both not fighters, bu still communicators, or if someday we’re just going to have a huge blow up.
I’m obviously not talking about things like cheating, or something like that. I’m talking about “typical” tiffs and arguments.
Post # 3
@MissOtter: DH and I are very much as you describe. In our entire relationship, from dating to engagement, and now married, we’ve never had what I would call a “fight.” Disagreements, yes. But we have very open and loving communication and the last thing either of us would do would be to say something hurtful or angry to the other.
We’re very much alike and understand each other well, so we’re usually on the same wavelength about things anyway. Like you said, what is there to fight about? Nothing, at least, not for us.
Plus, we adore each other – madly, passionately – we’re too busy being happy together and living our blissful life together to have that much to be upset about. We speak the same love language, physical touch and words of affirmation, and that helps a lot, too. We’re close, he’s my best friend. 🙂
Post # 4
That’s encouraging to hear someone like you. It gives me hope for our future!
We have the same top 3 love languages too!
Post # 5
Darling Husband & I used to have awful fits…yelling and usually one person would leave…over stuff that was so dumb & not even relevant to our relationship. horrible, I know..of course it was because of lack of communication… Now, we just say how we feel, talk about everything & life has been so good..I can’t even remember the last time we argued. So I think it’s very possible, we just had some growing up to do…
enjoy it!!! Life is so much easier & better ot fighting about every single thing…everyone is different & you don’t need a huge fight to concrete your relationship (:
Post # 6
@MissOtter: 🙂 It certainly helps to have the love language in common. We also spend the majority of our free time together because we enjoy it so much. I think having fun with shared activities is so important in a relationship. And keeping close physically and sexually is vital, too. We’re always connected. Even during the days at work we email, text or call each other several times just to check in to say, “I love and adore you, sexy.” Every morning he sends me an email – “Good morning to my beautiful wife.” We kiss hello and bye and we always go to bed at the same time. Most of the time we wake up together but on the weekends sometimes he lets me sleep in. We do thoughtful things for each other quite frequently.
We’re not perfect – far from it! Darling Husband isn’t a hearts & flowers romantic kinda guy. He’s an intellectual athletic kinda guy but that works well for me. We can watch football games at the sports bar together and enjoy that as much as a date night to the symphony.
In all seriousness, I really lucked out.
Post # 7
My SO and I have been together for just over a year and have had a few blowout fights. I think it has to do with both being very headstrong, both stubborn, both passionate and a little fiery.
We’ve figured out that sometimes emotions run too high and we need to walk away for a while. We never insult each other or call names, nothing to deliberately hurt each other. It’s mostly just intense and unproductive. We discuss it when we’ve calmed down.
You may never have the same same experience as others do, but if you’re not living together yet you might!
Post # 8
@RedAngelDreamer: If you don’t mind me asking, what are teh etopics of these fights? That’s the part that I guess is a mystery to me?
Post # 9
Fiance and I have been dating for 14 months now, but we have never had any serious fights (yelling, screaming)…I just don’t think that’s how we fight. We’ve had disagreements. We argued for about 30 min over which couch to buy a month ago because I think he has “man taste” and he didn’t care if the couch was ugly as long as it reclined. So we probably argued over it in the store for 30+ min and it took us an hour or so to pick one we both agreed on.
We’ve had disagreements over some of the wedding planning and I sometimes get on him about leaving his stuff everywhere and being a general mess and not helping me clean.
That’s most of it though I guess. We’ve never had a fight to the point where I’ve been upset and crying (and I cry pretty easily). I don’t think either of us is the type to hold something in. If something is bothering us it always comes out very soon…I guess we just can’t keep it inside. So I don’t think anything gets much of a chance to build up and become an outburst later. We never try to deliberately hurt each other or be mean.
So overall…if we argue, it is about random things or it’s just me nagging him (which couch to buy, how much to spend on the DJ, me nagging him to get off his computer and pick up after himself).
Post # 10
We’ve had a couple of arguments, but we’re usually pretty calm. I’m a naturally loud person, and Fiance is not, and we’ve both had bad experiences with fighting with exes, so we both had to change our communication styles. In order to get him to talk to me about things that are bothering him (something that he held back from doing with his ex because she would go OFF on him for the smallest thing), I had to adapt and not get let myself get upset about things, and keep myself open so that he could feel like he could tell me anything.
We’ve had two fights that I can remember, and they both stemmed from communication issues.
Post # 11
@MissOtter: We’ve had about 4 fights. 2 of those were about serious issues so I’ll leave those out. The others were stupid and fueled by stress, hormones and exhaustion.
They were so stupid that I barely remember how they started! Once, a fight devolved into my SO insisting he knew what it was like to be a woman and I was just trying to shut him out by saying that he would never know. Yeah, ok buddy, lol. When you grow my parts we’ll talk.
I had a major issue with my BC pills earlier this year and that is when this happened. My hormones were making my CRAZY and keeping me (and consequently my SO) up all night. It was awful.
We don’t make a habit of fighting. If we have issues, we bring them up with each other. It’s when we’re tired and stressed that is gets a little ridiculous.
Post # 12
Yelling fights??? normally happen when we’re stressed out and in my case driving in traffic… actually I think all the times I’ve yelled at Darling Husband were in the car when he was giving me crappy directions and I was driving around in HIS town. lol We had one over wedding planning, I think it was the guest list.. but I had just got off the phone with my mom who was being a b about it. It all worked out in the end. So yea basically when we were already frustrated with something else and took it out on the other person accidentally. Those got resolved very quickly.
Post # 13
We’re coming up on 10 years together and despite it all – long distance, living together, engagement, and now marriage – we’ve never had a big fight. We have minor arguments now and then and of course, we disagree. But we’ve never yelled at each other (in anger), name-called, or even given each other the silent treatment – it’s nice to know we can work through anything.
Post # 14
My SO and I have been together for almost 2.5 years and we have had a few fights. For example, he made a major purchase after promising he wasn’t going to do it and then didn’t have enough money to get me anything for Valentine’s Day. We fought more or less over him doing this behind my back than the buying me stuff. We’ve fought over hanging out with friends of the opposite sex, as we are both very jealous people.
Now, we talk things out like adults instead of screaming and yelling at each other.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I’ve been with my guy for about 12 years now. We also didn’t fight for a long time (like multiple years). Then we went through a phase where we were comfortable enough with each other to be bitchy/grouchy more often, but not so good at communicating in a style that makes sense to each other. (I get overly defensive and yell, he seems fine and then gets SUPER mad and totally shuts down.)
Now that we recognized those patterns and have really worked on improving them, we hardly ever fight. When we do, it’s almost always over something small that gets blown out of proportion by miscommunication or misunderstanding. Very occasionally we do fight about legitimate issues (e.g. he thinks I take forever to leave places, I’m bothered that he’s going through a several-year “phase” of not really exercising, etc). All in all it’s a pretty perfect relationship though! My parents bicker a LOT and I never wanted to be in a marriage like that 🙁
Post # 16
People keep telling me that it isn’t a good relationship if we dont’ fight, and we don’t and that makes me nervous, but reading this thread has made me feel better.
We do not fight. We have never had a fight (yelling, name calling, pouting, even loudly disagreeing) I am pretty sure we will never have a fight like that.
We disagree (often), but I think the thing that keeps us from fighting is that BOTH of us like to overtalk things to a resolution. So I think that shared communication style keeps us from having blow ups.
In ALL my serious past relationships, I have gotten into screaming, crying fights. I have a terrible temper and I always assumed that was the way things had to be. Especially with a horrid temper like mine.
My current SO seriously does not indulge that part of me. When I start to get frustrated, he looks straight at me and says things like “What you are saying is…” and tries to repeat back to me what is making me want to melt down, and that makes me talk through it instead of roaring everywhere. I’m used to people getting mad with me when I start to get frustrated, but he never does.
I still lose my temper, but not at him ever.