- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
Darling Husband and I have been together for 4 years, living together for just over 3, and married a few months; we have never once had a yelling-screaming-shouting fight, and only had about 4 angry arguments over that time. Never called each other names, no one has ever slept on the couch (well we’ve each taken a turn in the guest room when sick and not wanting to disturb or infect the other person, but that’s not at all the same thing as sleeping apart because we’re angry), we’ve had plenty of differences of opinions and disagreements but we always are able to talk through them in a respectful and rational manner.
We realize we don’t share a conjoined brain and that we’re going to disagree on things, so we’re less likely to take it personally.
In the few angry arguments we’ve had, I was almost always the instigator, and was lashing out at him when angry with something else, so we’ve both made a concious effort to avoid the situations where we’re likely to be less rational; like when we travel, and land in a strange city tired and hungry, we’ve got a 5-minute rule: if we can’t decide what we want for dinner, we ask the hotel concierge and just go where he recommends, because being tired makes us both indecisive, and we start bickering over why the other hasn’t made a decision yet. Just eliminate that stressor and move on. I’ve also made an extra effort to turn TO him rather than ON him when something else is bothering me— he is, after all, my support and my safe place, so if work is pissing me off, there’s no benefit to shouting at him over it.
I totally do not believe that a couple HAS to fight, and while I’ve heard some people say “well if you fight passionately, that just means you love passionately,” I think that’s bunk.