Post # 1
Hi Bees. Just wondering what everyone thinks. I recently met a guy on an app that I really liked. We have been out twice (he last minute cancelled and rescheduled both though– didnt love that), both dates have ended with a nice semi-passionate kiss and suggestions of going out again. And he followed up by text 2 days later both times. But this time he hasnt asked me out again. He followed up and asked me about my weekend but when i wrote back and asked him a question too, he answered the text but that’s it. No mention of hanging out again. So frustrating. Am I being blown off? Why would he have even messaged me to begin with? Oh we are both single never married in our 40s in a big city.
Post # 2
Don’t try to analyze each date it will drive you nuts trust me. You have to just keep it moving. Until they ask you to be their girlfriend all bets are off.
App dating is all over the place. Some guys message a bit then disappear, some you go on a date with and then nothing, some even almost get to a meet up but then nothing. You’ll never know If it’s becasue they got bored, they met someone else, they had another date that went better than yours, they got back with an ex. You’ll never know why. Just keep moving forward. Don’t accept bad treatment. If you had cut him off after the 2nd time he cancelled and tried to reschedule you would have saved yourself time. Don’t accept crappy treatment, or date someone who is half assing it.
Post # 3
He’s keeping his options open by texting you and feeling out your response, but he’s not overly interested in going out with you again at this time. He is likely dating other people and may be more invested with one of them but still leaving the door open for everyone else. If you enjoy his company I guess you could go out with him again if he asks but you should keep all your options open as well. I suspect you may be his Plan B date if Plan A falls through.
Post # 4
I feel like he shouldn’t have to ask you out every time you talk. You guys can talk about stuff without a date planned. He’s not really blowing you off, unless you asked him out and he ignored OR he just isn’t replying back.
Post # 5
Hopefully you’re dating more than just one man at a time. Keep your options REALLY open and keep adding men to your roster! Keep a rotation going, don’t get attached too soon, and set your expectations low for each date. Have fun! No text back or plans for another date? NEXT, his loss. GL.
Post # 6
sounds like theres a chance might be married.
Post # 7
He’s not married. That I know for sure.
Im just annoyed that I finally feel like I connect with someone (we have a lot in common– values, interests, activities, people) and he pulls this hot and cold b.s.
Post # 8
Why don’t you ask him out then?
Post # 9
A few of my friends have suggested that as well. But I don’t generally believe that works that well at the beginning. I feel like things go better when the guy is the pursuer. I was very enthusiastic at the end of the date when he suggested we see eachother again sometime this week so there should be no doubt in his mind that I would say yes. Mostly Im just venting because its annoying since I am interested in seeing him again and I thought he was too until this afternoon. Being in the older age bracket and with a long checklist, when I meet someone who seems like a candidate, I get excited and want to hold on to them.
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I think you’re doing yourself a disservice by just sitting back and waiting for him to make all the moves. Maybe he doesn’t want to chase you all the time. Maybe he wants you to show some initiative and effort on your part.
I also agree with PP that not every conversation has to involve setting up a date. Maybe just spend more time talking to him. You don’t lose anything by continuing to communicate with him, but don’t put all your eggs in that basket. Meet new people as well.
Post # 11
What were his reasons for rescheduling both times?
ETA: honestly, my take on it is that he may be planning to ask you out this weekend but he’s waiting to see what else is going on before he commits to a time and date with you. Which, doesn’t mean he’s totally uninterested, but he wants to make sure he won’t miss out on something he’d rather do.
Post # 12
Work. I was very very nice about it both times but I was not thrilled with the day of cancelling. I am the type of girl that likes to plan things in advance, get a mani, blowout etc, so it really threw my timing off.
I recognize that no one has the answer and only time will tell. But I am curious about the “hes just not that into you” vs the “dont make him do all the work” debate. I err on the side of the rules. But of course I’m still single.
Post # 13
- Wedding: December 2018 - City, State
I always told myself If hes interested he will make it happen.
Yep real I life is way more complicated but if they arnt busy and not making the effort I take it as a no. If thats not the case he will quickly let you know by getting back in contact and organising something.
Nothing wrong sith putting yourself put there and asking him out – that will also let u know 😉
Post # 14
I understand that it’s very frustrating when someone cancels or reschedules at the last minute. Of course, this doesn’t just apply to dates. Any kind of rescheduling just generally throws one’s plans out. I’m not crazy about it when a guy does this at the beginning of the dating process.
However, he did actually follow up and see you again, so I would give him the benefit of the doubt. If he has a busy work life, it’s quite possible that he was legit.
I would encourage you to listen to your gut and to what works best for you, rather than a set of rules or a particular approach from some dating expert. Remember that a lot of those strategies are to sell books, coaching packages or other products – they tend to be painted as a one-size-fits-all and as “the solution,” but of course we’re talking about human beings here. People are not all the same, and there is no one-size-fits-all. So again, listen to your gut and your intuition about this man.
There’s honestly no right or wrong way to do this. There’s only what works best for you. If you want to go ahead and try inviting him to a date, you can. You’ve got nothing to lose at this point, and you can do it in a fun, casual way. If you feel he hasn’t earned that at this point, you can still keep texting with him and keep the door open for future dates.
Keep meeting and dating other men. Keep expectations and feelings in check at this stage. Keep meeting up with friends and doing other fun stuff. Try not to get your dreams invested in a guy you’ve gone out with twice.
Post # 15
I cannot roll my eyes enough at your comment about not asking him out because it doesn’t work well. You are living in the 21st century not the 80’s or 90’s of dating. Those stupid courtship rules don’t apply anymore.
Ask him out. You can’t expect him to do all the work. It doesn’t work that way anymore. If you are interested, you need to show interest too. You could be throwing him off by not asking him out. Ever think of that? Maybe he’s over there thinking the same thing as you – I’ve asked her out twice and she hasn’t asked me out back. Wonder if she’s into me or not?
I’ve done a lot of online dating and now I’m coaching my own mother through it (she and my dad just got divorced after 33 years of marriage). She didn’t know anything else besides when she first started dating my dad and after adapting to the new age of dating -boom! She’s got dates.
I don’t care how old you are, men do not want to do all the work and also want to feel wanted and persued. Why does it have to be one sided? This is the day and age of women and strong women – be strong, be forward and ask the guy out. Simple. Problem solved.