Dating and Texting and Confusion Ugh

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
3971 posts
Honey bee

My advice while partaking in dating of the online variety is to keep your options open and do not concentrate solely on one person until there has been a DTR talk.  I’m not saying go out and bone every guy you meet, but don’t spend all of your energy on one person because even if he is interested, it is almost certain he is still out there looking and dating other people.  Which is completely normal and expected whe you are dating online. 

 

Post # 17
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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lifeisbeeutiful :  Can’t agree with this more.  I had four or five guys I was seeing for a few dates each until my SO and I decided to make things exclusive after five dates or so.  In the meantime, I was keeping my options open, and I know he was still exploring other possible connections, too.  I think there’s a lot to be said for knowing that both you and your SO had options and chose each other as the best fit.  Never settle, and if the guy doesn’t text, let him go.  

Post # 18
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

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justme2017 :  He probably wants you to initiate a date this time so that he can know where he stands in this relationship as well. He may not understand how you feel either. It’s that tricky period at the beginning of most relationships where we over analyze everything.

Good luck bee.

Post # 21
Member
2778 posts
Sugar bee

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justme2017 :  I’m with you. Given that he’s rescheduled twice and he’s giving you hot-and-cold vibes, I definitely wouldn’t be doing any pursuing. You’re not a backup plan. Maybe he’s just busy – but even really busy people date and marry. It comes down to priorities. IME, when a guy is really interested he’ll find a way to make it work or at least be super apologetic and make it up to you when he cancels. I wouldn’t write him off entirely yet, but I definitely wouldn’t wait around for him either. 

This is clearly an unpopular stance here, but I also found that things went best when I let the guy pursue. That’s not to say that I never initiated dates, and I certainly found ways to make it clear when I was interested — but overall I preferred for the guy to be leading things in scheduling the early dates and showing me he was interested. I’m in my twenties so all my dating has been in the 21st century, and I’m married so it worked for me. While I think asking him on a date at this point would be fine in most scenarios, in this particular case you’ve made it plenty clear that you’re interested. I think the risk is making yourself seem too available/desperate. 

Post # 22
Member
3971 posts
Honey bee

If you aren’t going to make a move and he isn’t showing interest in making future plans, then it’s time to move on.  He’s just not that into you.

Post # 23
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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justme2017 :  If you don’t see yourself chasing after this guy, then is he even worth it? And if you’re not pursuing him and he’s just toying around, then you are wasting your energy thinking about this guy. Unless you’re only interested in a harmless fling or dating casually for fun.

I knew that my husband was the one when I caught myself pursuing him. I was changing my plans to make me more available for him. He of course was doing the same thing, but this was a huge shift for me and the way I was dating casually in the months prior.

Girl this is 2018. You are in charge of your life and you get as much say in the dating world as the guys. Don’t give him 100% of the power to decide where things are going.

Post # 24
Member
6168 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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justme2017 :  who cares then! Hopefully you’re messaging many other interesting men. 

Post # 25
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee

justme2017 :  

Sometimes it is best to err on the side of caution if the guy is not making his interest level clear. If you’re not comfortable asking him out, then there’s your answer.

As so many PPs have said, it really is worthwhile to be messaging and going out with a few different guys at the beginning stages of dating. You have no way of knowing at the beginning who is going to work out and who isn’t, so it’s best not to put all your eggs in one basket.

Start talking to a few other guys and see if you can schedule some dates soon, and then you won’t feel so sad about this guy. Date the guys who are available.

Post # 26
Member
292 posts
Helper bee

He’s not into you. Move on.

Post # 27
Member
696 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Sorry but I don’t believe in following any rules it’s utter BS. People are human with their own feelings and emotions and baggage and there’s no hard and fast rules to deal with them. Sometimes you just have to make it abundantly clear to a guy you’re interested. They are definitely not psychic and some really don’t take hints well no matter how enthusiastically you give them. If you’re interest ask him out, if he ignores you or brushes you off you have your answer. Problem solved. 

 

Post # 28
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee

michelleh0686 :  

“Sorry but I don’t believe in following any rules it’s utter BS. People are human with their own feelings and emotions and baggage and there’s no hard and fast rules to deal with them.”

Hear hear! I also don’t believe in a woman chasing a man, but in this case the OP has nothing to lose. When I actually sit down and think about it, there are so many good guys whom I know, or have known (including the guy I am dating now) who are just fairly oblivious and seem to appreciate it and respond well if a woman makes her interest known. If a guy doesn’t respond well to this, well then things were probably never going to work out anyway. Nothing to lose.

Some guys, particularly the more reserved types, also take a while to warm up and open up and start to feel something for a woman, so it’s often not a good idea to write someone off too quickly.

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