(Closed) Dating for 12 years without a proposal?

posted 9 years ago in Proposals
Post # 32
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Fiance and I have been together for 13 and a half years. And aside from college where we both gave each other some space, we’ve been together the whole time. We started dating when we were 16.  We moved in together when we were 25.  We got engaged last June after nearly 13 years together.  I don’t think anyone should judge us or our relationship.   I wanted to get married a few years before Fiance did but I’m not an ultimatum type of girl.  I knew it would happen when he was ready for it so I waited and our engagement was that much sweeter.  We are beyond happy and are SO excited to be married. Honestly, we know each other better than most people who’ve been married for a while.  We grew up together and we’ve been through ups and downs so we know that we are a great team.  If anything it proves to me how strong a couple we are that nothing broke us up after all of these years.  I don’t think our long term relationship has ANY negative affects on us as a couple.  We are one of the happiest couples I know and the one most in tune with each other.  I don’t think the length of time we’ve been together suggests that our engagement won’t last as you said or that our marriage won’t be as strong as people who’ve gotten egnaged sooner.  I see it as stronger.  It’s hard not to be insulted reading everyone’s comments in this thread to be honest.

I think it’s wrong to categorize relationships and to presume that people are doing things wrong if they are on a different timeline.  I don’t judge people who get married after a month of knowing each other.  I don’t judge people who get married super young.  I don’t judge second marriages.  There are so many different types of couples and that’s what makes the world go round.  Everyone’s relationship is their own to judge.  

Post # 33
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

hmm i have a friend in a similar situation, except they have two kids, own a house together, and are still listed as “in a relationship” on facebook. yes, they are european. but what’s sad is that my friend does want to get married, but has pretty much given up on the fairytale. yeah sure, having two beautiful kids and a partner is great… but in the end, she has no legal power, not like a wife does. i think it says alot when your bf after a decent amount of time, (2-5 years) still wont marry you. the issue is not getting “married”… the issue is that he wont do anything to make you happy… your happiness is not his priority.

Post # 34
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have been with my SO almost 8.5 years. I told him in the last 3 months that I wanted to get married. However, we have always talked about it so I knew we were on the same page. I am however a little dispointed that it has taken me at least 3 separate serious conversations to let him know that I want to get married ASAP and not 3 years down the road.  Guys get too complacent if long time partners don’t light a fire under their butts. However, on top of that I am even more dispointed that he didn’t think of doing it without me having to tell him that I wanted to get engaged ASAP. I think he is on the right track now, so we’ll just have to wait and see. My Bday is coming up in october, so I have my sights set on a ring then. If it doesn’t come by XMas, I don’t know what to do.

 

 

Post # 35
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Different strokes for different folks. 

I guess I wonder the success/fail rate of marriages based on the # of years they dated.  Does dating someone for 12 years make them more likely to have a happy/successful marriage vs. lets say myself who dated 1 year before being proposed to + 1 year engagement = 2 years dating?  I have no clue personally.  I wonder.

Post # 36
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Rgeddy: I don’t know what the chances are but after 8.5 years with my SO, I think we know everything that bothers us about one another so that we ahve put these things past us and still want to be together. i would have not known some of these things after 1 year, but then again we would have been in our early 20’s and it’s hard to tell at that point. Living together is the real eyeopener In My Humble Opinion.

Post # 37
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I don’t see anything wrong or strange with couples who date for a long time before getting engaged, so long as they’re both on the same page.  What I totally don’t get is people who are engaged for 5+ years.  What is the point of that?  Being engaged means being engaged to be married.  That would assume that marriage is the goal of the engagement.  One year I get. You have to have time to plan the wedding and all.  Two years?  Okay, I can buy that as well.  But 5+ years?  What are you waiting for??  Why did you even get engaged in the first place? I don’t know, it just seems like at a certain point, you’re no longer engaged, you’re dating with a fancy ring. 

Post # 38
Member
690 posts
Busy bee

I’m mostly in the “to each their own” camp, but acknowledge that it must have been hard for her to wait.  However, she must have decided that their relationship was worth waiting for.  If you love someone enough to want to spend the rest of your life with them, you probably are willing to make some sacrifices for the relationship.  Maybe he had some legitimate reasons to want to wait, beyond simply just not being sure of their relationship.

My Fiance and I had been dating 7 years when he proposed, and will have been together over 8 years on our wedding day.  With that said, he asked me out on my 17th birthday (and he was only 17 also).  Also, when we get married, I will have JUST finished law school.  Some people are shocked that we waited so long, but overall it is just what worked for us.

Post # 39
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My close friend has been with her Fiance for 8 years. They got engaged after 6 or 8 months but haven’t gotten married because basically if they get married, her education will no longer be paid for and she’ll lose her insurance coverage. I can imagine in some cases, the long-term daters may forgo marriage because they’ll lose some type of benefit. If I had to choose between medical coverage and being legally married, I think I would choose medical coverage…

Post # 40
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

To each their own, to some couples marriage is not such a big deal as long as they’re in a happy relationship.

If one person (always the woman it seems) is despearate to get married there is one very simple solution to the abscence of a proposal – ask him yourself! Honestly, these days men and women are equal parties in a marriage so if the ladies cannot wait and the men is taking too long the women are just as capable of asking the big question…

Unorthodox I know, but I have seen too many acquiantances get so upset and depressed at not being engaged, and it’s not worth spending every evening and weekend sulking. Life’s too short. Or alternatively, try to be happy with having a great guy and someone to share your life whether there’s a ring involved or not. Having a good relationship really is most important at the end of the day.

Post # 41
Member
494 posts
Helper bee

My Fiance and I didnt get engaged until 4 years after we started dating and then we waited 4 more years to actually start planning a wedding. We just had too much going on in our lives to move forward with the actual planning of a wedding. Plus, we have 2 kids together and I think we wanted to make sure that we were getting married for us and not because we felt obligated to because we have kids. I know that sounds kind of stupid but the first pregnancy was an “oops” when I was 20 years old and we were not grounded in our relationship. We were kind of thrown in and it was a whirlwind. I think we feel a lot better now that we have grown as a couple and as a family to get married. Yes, we did things backwards but its working for us. 🙂

Post # 42
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

So,i was just radomly doing a Google search to see if I could find anyone who may be in a similar situation as myself in regards to long term dating without a proposal and i came upon this board. I am 41..well almost 42 😉 and i have been with the father of my child for over 26 years without any proposal or as i far as i can remember even a thought of it from him.I was 15 when we met and he was 17 our child is 22years old,she graduated college last spring and has moved out&on. I gave my child his last name at birth& never even asked to have my name on house when it was built(20yrs ago) i’ve always trusted he will do right by me,although he has provided well for us i cant help to be bitter to the fact that we are still unwed. Our relationship has had its ups&downs like any couple may have,but its been strained lately because i dont know if i should just give up the fight for marriage and live happily single together fovever. Any thoughts?

Post # 43
Member
3424 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@McLori:  Have you expressed your desire to get married? If so what does your SO say about it?

 

B y the time my Fiance and I get married we will have been dating for 9 years.  This is both our second marriages ,we each have children, homes, in different towns. It would have been impossible for us to combine families any earlier because neither of us wanted to displace our kids. Now, is the time, my daughter has one year of high school left and His kids are out of the house. I would have liked to have been married years ago but life got in the way:) Some things are definitely worth waiting for!! 

Post # 44
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@McLori:  sorry to hear this, as you want to get married you should tell him that you would like to get married by x time or say when are you going to propose to me, it woul make me happy if you put some thought into it.  My Fiance proposed after 14 years & it has been almost 3 years being engaged by the time we will get married.  I did have to put a little bit of pressure in the end, I guess I could have put more pressure on earlier but I didnt want to.  I had considered leaving but I decided I would rather have him and not be married then not have him at all.  26 years is a long term committment, you deserve to have a wedding & I think you should have your needs put first now. Keep us posted.

Post # 45
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

So many of my friends expect a proposal after dating someone for 1-2 years. My fiancé and I dated for 7 years before we talked seriously about getting married. If you are willing to put the time in and really find out if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you should. You are signing on for forever so dating for over a decade should not be a big deal.

Post # 46
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@McLori This is a long time. It is important that he knows how you truly feel and for you to understand any reservations he has about marriage. I would say talk to him honestly and openly but do not allow this to destroy your relationship. Good luck.

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