- 4 months ago
Hello fellow bees, long time lurker and not really used my account for some time, I just need some outside perspective that isn’t family or friends. I will try and keep it as short as possible. (which will likely not be short at all )
I met this guy December 2018 and on the whole he is a great guy he does suffer from ill mental health at times but as do I, we get on really well, similar interests, he is kind and has accepted a number of things about me that others may not.
However as much as I like him there are a number of things that I just can’t seem to shake:
**Money is an issue, first few dates we went out and did things, we have always split the bill which is fine 21st century and all that. He’s mentioned a few times ‘debts’ but I haven’t asked as its none of my business, recently we haven’t been going out to do things, the last two times I actually suggested we did something and offered to pay just so we could get out the house.
He says he is short on money one week so I gave him some, then it seems as though he will spend money on trivial things, I want to be able to have nice things in life, go on holidays, have a nice house etc. of course I am not wanting him to pay for me, I will always pay my way but I am worried I will be the one left to cough up for things and that he isn’t good with his money.
** The other main issue I am having is our sexual compatibility. The attraction is there but I just feel like we are two similar to truly be what the other one wants and needs. I am 99.9% submissive, always have been and my previous partners/ sexual encounters have been a more dominant male to get that balance and I really enjoy the kinkier side of things when it comes to dom/sub type relationships. He says that he can be both dom and sub…but thus far it seems as though he is neither, he takes the initiative and will tell me to do certain things but other than that it’s pretty much usual run of the mill with a tiny bit of kink, he has said that he isn’t used to a girl being so sub etc. and has mentioned certain things he would want me to do or that he enjoys but I’ve told him that it just isn’t me. It’s leaving me feeling like I am not good enough as I am. But equally so he shouldn’t feel like that either.
On quite a few occasions he has struggled to stay hard and has gone soft during both sex and foreplay. Of course this made me feel like crap/ confused, this has never happened before. He then admitted he thinks he is addicted to porn and probably watches it 3 times a day and also self pleasing when doing this. He has told me that he has since stopped watching porn and things did improve, however the other day it happened again, he couldn’t stay hard and couldn’t finish. I just don’t know how I feel.
He also told me that a few years ago he slept with his friends girlfriend for 6 months behind his friends back and that she was 10 years younger than him (so she was 18) it just makes me question his morals as a person, he didn’t seem remorseful of this.
I know it seems as though all I have to say is negative things about him, there are a lot of positive things but obviously this post is about the issues I have, I just have this gut feeling that this isn’t the right person for me even though aside from these issues he is great and we are like the male/female version of each other.
Thoughts? do I stick it out a while longer and see how it goes, or do I end it now but potentially regret letting him go and feeling like I’ve just abandoned him?