Dating for 3 months – a number of things bugging me, should I cut the cord now?

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
823 posts
Busy bee

In every instance that a guy has worried he’s not good enough for me, it has either been very, very true or a self-fulfilling prophecy. That’s not a good sign, if you needed more of a reason to leave. Hugs, Bee. I know it’s hard, but you’ll be fine. Better off in the long run, actually. 

Post # 32
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

ladyinred29 :  TBH I don’t really together a shit what the “legal” age is… Regardless of whether it’s 16 or 18, it’s still gross and skeevy for a man in his late twenties or thirties to be fucking someone with “teen” at the end of her age. 

Post # 35
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

He says he is short on money one week so I gave him some”

This was the first time I said “uh oh” as I read your post. But then you moved on to porn addiction, sexual incompatability, and cheating — with his friend’s barely legal girlfriend, no less. That, along with your updates, and I don’t think there’s much reason to stay, but there are loads of great reasons to leave. Cut the cord of this 3 month relationship before you invest any more time and energy. You will do much better than this.

Post # 36
Member
4372 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

ladyinred29 :  people are on their best behaviour 13 weeks in and are usually putting their best foot forward trying to impress you. If he’s unremorsefully telling you he went behind his friends back and shagged his barely legal 18yo girlfriend for 6 months this early on, what the hell else has he got rattling in the closet for later? Couple that with sexual issues and bad finances would cause me to run so fast that Usain bolt would be eating my dust.

People always say to trust your gut and yours is screaming at you that this guy isn’t for you. 

Post # 39
Member
961 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

A broke porn addict who sleeps with his friends’ teenage girlfriends behind their backs? Do you really have to ask?

I know you say he’s nice and lovely, but your gut is trying to tell you something. If it’s this  bad only 3 months in, it’s just going to get worse. I’d venture to bet he won’t be so nice and lovely a year from now, and then you’ll really feel stuck. I wouldn’t waste any more time on this guy.

Post # 41
Member
3503 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

ladyinred29 :  Trust your gut bee! At 3 months in, you should be in honeymoon phase. These issues you’re struggling with are not trivial. Don’t saddle yourself with someone who is not on your level because you would feel bad for breaking up with them. That’s hugely unfair to both of you!

I used to be a habitual “fixer”. If someone needed me to help fix them, they would be more inclined to stick around! Guess what, I’m pretty awesome and an awesome guy will (and did) stick around, even when he didn’t need fixing! Figure out exactly what you want and need in a partner and don’t settle for less than that. It may make finding a relationship harder, but if your intention is long-term happiness, this will make things a lot easier on you.

As for actually breaking up with him, I would ask him to meet you somewhere like a park or coffee shop. Don’t carpool or go to one of your houses, you want to be able to leave when you’re ready. Just tell him that you think he’s very lovely and you’re really enjoyed spending time with him, but that you don’t think you’re compatible enough for something long term so you want to end it before things got too serious. Best of luck! 

Post # 42
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

My gut is telling me to bolt like a racehorse

Well then, there is your answer.

You can rationalise as much as you want but you already know what you need to do. The sooner the better will make it easier for both of you.

It is not much to expect a guy no matter how ” nice” they are to be loyal and honest to his friends, sexually compatible, not have a porn addiction, be able to balance their finances, not exude self pity and to stay out of the bed of a teenager! Go find that man.

 

 

Post # 43
Member
704 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I read your whole post but was on team “break up with him” when I saw that He borrowed money from you. Totally inappropriate at the beginning of a relationship. 

Post # 44
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee

Way too many red flags after only three months, bee. You already know he’s financially irresponsible, a bad friend that sleeps with barely legal girls, and has porn-addiction-related sexual dysfunction. If you know this after only three months – it’s likely just the tip of the iceberg. 

It’s one thing to date a stable and responsible guy that doesn’t make a lot of money – and another entirely to date someone who is actively irresponsible with money. Not only does that mean he’s likely to have life long financial issues, but it often means he’s irresponsible and irrational with other things too.

Plus, sexual dysfunction due to porn addiction is not an easy thing to overcome. If you’re already struggling in the bedroom at three months, it’s more likely to get worse over time. 

 

 

 

 

Post # 45
Member
537 posts
Busy bee

No, just no. Go get yourself an STD test, once a cheater……

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