- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
ladyinred29 : Bees have said most of the stuff I would be likely to say, but wanted to address one thing in specific.
Almost. Everyone. Has. Herpes.
In much the same way everyone has microscopic organisms that live on our faces and crawl out of our pores at night to poop. Kinda icky to think about, but virtually no impact on day-to-day life.
For example, I got herpes from my mom. While she breastfed me. I likewise gave it to my daughter via the same route. Anyone who has had chicken pox, shingles, a cold sore – they all have herpes.
The weird stigma about the KIND of herpes a person HAS is utterly bizarre to me. And the only reason it matters is that if you have an active flare when pregnant, it’s important to schedule a c-section to avoid the possibility of infecting the infant in the birth canal and possibly causing blindness.
A TON of people who have herpes don’t know it. They can literally never have a flare up – or, one so mild it’s written off as an annoying rash. With modern viral suppressants, it’s very possible to have a partner with a DIFFERENT KIND of herpes from yours, and never pass the kind you have to them.
Ali Wong, while talking about HPV (another infection that is INCREDIBLY common, and widely maligned out of scope with its seriousness) “If you don’t have HPV, YOU GONNA GET IT. If you don’t have HPV, you’re a fucking loser.”
For a frank and medically sound conversation about breaking the stigma around herpes, I really reccommend this conversation between Dan Savage and Ella Dawson
I don’t say this to make light of the very real pain you have felt over this disgnosis. I say it as a person with herpes who ALSO GOT SUPER UPSET and cried and thought I was disgusting damaged goods for a long time after I found out. Then, after a talking to by a great supportive health care professional, and some research around practical infection rates, I realized there was nothing to be upset about because even though I have herpes, so do most other humans.
You deserve better than the nonsense this guy is bringing to the table. Take your herpes out there in the world and find someone awesome who has it too.*
Hang in there.
*Literally almost anyone.