- 5 years ago
My bf and i moved in together after dating for 3 months. We have now been together for almost 4 years. Im 26 and hes 28. It was all very romantic at first, but after about 6 months I started having doubts. We dont have any major relationship problems. We communicate well and work on our problems. We dont have big arguments. No red flags. We both have jobs, no cheating, no exes to worry about. But through out our relationship Ive constantly had big doubts.
I broke up with him one time about 2 years into the relationship. I decided that he just wasnt the one for me, so i packed up most of my things and when he got home i told him i was leaving. I went to my mother’s house. A few days later I was unhappy at my mother’s house, and i missed my “real home”, and felt I had made a mistake breaking up with him. I did love him, so i moved back in with him.
And now im starting to knitpick everything he does. Hes on his phone too much, he doesnt clean enough, he plays too many videogames, he spends too much money on silly things. However, he never really knitpicks anything I do, and is always supportive.
I get worried sometimes that hes going to propose soon. I go back and forth thinking that I want him to propose, and I want to get our future going, and yes hes a great guy and i am lucky to have someone so loving. And then the next day I’m just so apethetic. I’m depressed, and I dont know what I would say if he did propose. In either senario I cant imagine myself being excited and having tears of joy.
Im worried because after dating for almost 4 years, i wish i could be SURE. I want to KNOW that this is the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. But i dont have that at all. Its a constant battle of emotions in my head. Once a week for the past month Ive been calling my mother and sister crying, saying “i dont know what to do”, and they always ask, “what happened?” and i say.. “nothing happened, i just dont know if i want to stay with him or break up”.
Have you seen the movie “500 days of summer”?? At the end, she says something like “I dont have the doubts with him that i had with you.” Ive been thinking about that for 3.5 years. Is it healthy to have so many doubts? Should I be excited to get engaged?
I feel like moving in so soon was a mistake. I thought, “well, if things dont work out I can just move out, because we dont have a lease or anything. im just moving into his place.” well, the problem is that we started buying things together. and now this is my home. so breaking up is more than losing the relationship. im losing my home if we break up. i think more about the difficulties of actually moving out and how much work it will be to seperate all of our things than i do about losing him.
Thanks for reading. Id really like to get some outside perspective. Writing this was also helpful in itself. Yesterday i was positive I was going to break up with him today. But then lastnight we had a few friends over and were drinking wine and we had a lot of fun, so then I woke up this morning thinking that Im a big idiot and im just ungrateful and silly, wanting a fairytale ending and to find a prince charming to sweep me off my feet.