(Closed) dating for 5 years, no ring, im only 21, am i rushing it?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

“i dont know what to do, i would NEVER leave him just because he isnt ready and i am. this man really is my soulmate… but i always imagined myself married around 26….”

 

Hi Jane,

Well if you want to get married now and he is clearly not ready (who knows if he used the cars and house as an excuse or for real) the only answer you allow yourself wait longer.  You’re on different pages clearly.  Since you said you’ll never leave him, then you just sit and wait.  But if you are open to listen to another option that does not include waiting, I’ll share.

Personally, if someone was not on the same page with me regarding a timeline, future goals, etc, I’d have to reconsider the relationship or see how much I’m willing to bend.  Does he know about your 26 age vision?

“how do i approach talking to him more about it without seeming “pushy” about it?or should i wait a year or two to really bring it up again?”

Has he indicated anything along the lines of “together for ever” or “getting married” at all or is it only you bringing that up?  Perhaps you can bring it up in 6-12 months and see if he’s still saying the same thing.  Is it actively saving up for these imaginary cars and house?

I also don’t believe that we only get one true soul mate.  I think that many peole can actually fit the bill to be our soul mate.  I mean what if that mate was all the way in India!  So geographically speaking, it doesn’t make sense that your mate will always be in close proximity to you.

Post # 4
Member
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Honestly, I can see how much you want to be engaged and totally understand it. But he’s your soulmate and you should just be patient until he’s ready.

Post # 5
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Welcome to the Hive!  And relax!  It’ll happen in due time.  He knows you’re ready to get married, but he clearly isn’t.  Boys mature slower, and I’m assuming you guys are around the same age.  Very few guys are seriously ready to get married at 21!  Enjoy your time together and don’t stress so much about the ring! It’ll happen!

Post # 8
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Well traditionally one of the perks of getting married meant you got to live together. Perhaps if you considered living apart until he shows real commitment this would give him something to think about.

Personally, it would concern me if my Fiance showed no immediate inclination towards marriage and valued cars more than absolute commitment to me.

Post # 9
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

21 is a great age. So many exciting things happening in life! Don’t rush any of them – let your life unfold at a pace that will let you enjoy whatever moment you’re in!

Post # 10
Member
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@planejane024:  Now that you vented and you feel better, he’ll probably propose as soon as you stop thinking about it!

Post # 11
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think it’s a good idea to share what your visions are.  Or else you have unmet expectations when you haven’t shared your expectations. 

You envision getting married by age 26, you probably want to be engaged for X months or years.  Communicate that with him for sure. He may not agree, or think likewise, but you still need to share that.

I let my boyfriend (at the time) know that I wasn’t going to be dating for 5 years with the relationship going no where (I was married before so I was not going to be sitting on the pot for ever, I did want to get married again at some point). So I had to know at year 2 if this was going somewhere or else we should just go our separate ways – as good of a guy as he was.

We were able to both talk about how many years it would be good to date, how long to be engaged, when to get engaged, talked about an age, etc.

It’s your future, you’re not supposed to tip toe around it!

Post # 14
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m only a couple of years older than you. I was about twenty-one when I started really thinking about getting engaged and married to my SO. We had been together for a few years, living together for couple of years, and it was such an exciting time. I mostly kept it to myself. He might have found ring porn up on the computer, but I did my best not to bother him with it. He knew I was dreaming, and had no problem with it. We first mentioned spending our lives together a year and half ago, and just recently we’ve more candidly discussed engagement and marriage, and now we have a time line, which (if everything works out according to plan, and I hope it does!!) puts us married when I’m about twenty-seven. We’re taking our time because we know we’re young, and neither of us really expected to meet the love of our life this young! We refer to these years as our “bonus time”, because neither of us thought we be this serious until our thirties.

For you, I think you should talk with him! Don’t pressure him or yourself to come to a specific conclusion, just try to see if you are on the same page, and if there are any compromises you can make to get on the same page. Other than that, enjoy your bonus time!

 

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