Post # 1
im jane, im 21 and i’ve known my boyfriend for 10 years, been dating for 5, and living together for 4. ever since we’ve moved into a house things have been so great and love dovey that i feel like i want to get married soon. ( atleast engaged to take me off the market ya kno?) when i talked to my man about it he says he wants to get 2 brand new cars and a brand new house before he even asks me. while that sounds nice and all im not one to be very materialistic, and all i want is to know he wants to committ all the way to me. i feel like i’ll be 30 before i even get a ring! we have 2 decent vehicles and living in a very nice 2 story rent house, i dont feel like i need anything right now except him.
i dont know what to do, i would NEVER leave him just because he isnt ready and i am. this man really is my soulmate… but i always imagined myself married around 26….
how do i approach talking to him more about it without seeming “pushy” about it?or should i wait a year or two to really bring it up again?
i love him so much but no ring on my finger makes jane a sad girl 🙁
thanks for you time and hopefully your advice.
Post # 3
“i dont know what to do, i would NEVER leave him just because he isnt ready and i am. this man really is my soulmate… but i always imagined myself married around 26….”
Well if you want to get married now and he is clearly not ready (who knows if he used the cars and house as an excuse or for real) the only answer you allow yourself wait longer. You’re on different pages clearly. Since you said you’ll never leave him, then you just sit and wait. But if you are open to listen to another option that does not include waiting, I’ll share.
Personally, if someone was not on the same page with me regarding a timeline, future goals, etc, I’d have to reconsider the relationship or see how much I’m willing to bend. Does he know about your 26 age vision?
“how do i approach talking to him more about it without seeming “pushy” about it?or should i wait a year or two to really bring it up again?”
Has he indicated anything along the lines of “together for ever” or “getting married” at all or is it only you bringing that up? Perhaps you can bring it up in 6-12 months and see if he’s still saying the same thing. Is it actively saving up for these imaginary cars and house?
I also don’t believe that we only get one true soul mate. I think that many peole can actually fit the bill to be our soul mate. I mean what if that mate was all the way in India! So geographically speaking, it doesn’t make sense that your mate will always be in close proximity to you.
Post # 4
Honestly, I can see how much you want to be engaged and totally understand it. But he’s your soulmate and you should just be patient until he’s ready.
Post # 5
Welcome to the Hive! And relax! It’ll happen in due time. He knows you’re ready to get married, but he clearly isn’t. Boys mature slower, and I’m assuming you guys are around the same age. Very few guys are seriously ready to get married at 21! Enjoy your time together and don’t stress so much about the ring! It’ll happen!
Post # 6
@sienna76: We deffinatley talk about and save for the future, but hes not the best at talking about his feelings ( like alot men) but he has told me numerous times and even recently that he wants to be with me forever. everything he does is for us hes such a great guy… i feel as though your right, i should just wait, and i’ll bring it up in a few months. and i can also include him in my “26 age vision”. ive never told him that because i didnt think i would need to lol i thought he would just beat me to it. i feel like men are black and white and theres no inbetween, i just need to be honest with him, not tip toe around it.
you’ve been really helpfull and makes me feel soo much better to get this off my chest 🙂 thank you
Post # 7
thank you lyndzo and abbie017!! your tottally right i should just give it time, he knows i want to be with him. he’ll do it when its right… it just sucks to see alot of my friends engaged but thats them… not me. hes actually 24 and im 21 turning 22 soon, but age shouldnt matter, just when we’re both ready…
thanks for letting me vent ladies! 🙂 feeling better <3
Post # 8
Well traditionally one of the perks of getting married meant you got to live together. Perhaps if you considered living apart until he shows real commitment this would give him something to think about.
Personally, it would concern me if my Fiance showed no immediate inclination towards marriage and valued cars more than absolute commitment to me.
Post # 9
21 is a great age. So many exciting things happening in life! Don’t rush any of them – let your life unfold at a pace that will let you enjoy whatever moment you’re in!
Post # 10
@planejane024: Now that you vented and you feel better, he’ll probably propose as soon as you stop thinking about it!
Post # 11
I think it’s a good idea to share what your visions are. Or else you have unmet expectations when you haven’t shared your expectations.
You envision getting married by age 26, you probably want to be engaged for X months or years. Communicate that with him for sure. He may not agree, or think likewise, but you still need to share that.
I let my boyfriend (at the time) know that I wasn’t going to be dating for 5 years with the relationship going no where (I was married before so I was not going to be sitting on the pot for ever, I did want to get married again at some point). So I had to know at year 2 if this was going somewhere or else we should just go our separate ways – as good of a guy as he was.
We were able to both talk about how many years it would be good to date, how long to be engaged, when to get engaged, talked about an age, etc.
It’s your future, you’re not supposed to tip toe around it!
Post # 12
everyone is making great points!
and yes my mom has told me the same with the whole already living together situation. shes very catholic and is a little upset with the fact we live together unmarried but i moved out at 18 to live with him, i dont really know anything else.
sometimes i do feel like its like “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” but if he heard me say that he would call me ridiculous because he knows i know that he doesnt think like that about me at all! lol but why do i still feel like that? is it just because im jealous of my married/engaged friends?
you guys are awesome!!! 🙂 and i love this website! ive never been one to blog but i dont have very many friends here at home so its nice to hear from new and genuine people! 🙂
Post # 13
@lyndzo lol yea your probably right! 🙂
Post # 14
I’m only a couple of years older than you. I was about twenty-one when I started really thinking about getting engaged and married to my SO. We had been together for a few years, living together for couple of years, and it was such an exciting time. I mostly kept it to myself. He might have found ring porn up on the computer, but I did my best not to bother him with it. He knew I was dreaming, and had no problem with it. We first mentioned spending our lives together a year and half ago, and just recently we’ve more candidly discussed engagement and marriage, and now we have a time line, which (if everything works out according to plan, and I hope it does!!) puts us married when I’m about twenty-seven. We’re taking our time because we know we’re young, and neither of us really expected to meet the love of our life this young! We refer to these years as our “bonus time”, because neither of us thought we be this serious until our thirties.
For you, I think you should talk with him! Don’t pressure him or yourself to come to a specific conclusion, just try to see if you are on the same page, and if there are any compromises you can make to get on the same page. Other than that, enjoy your bonus time!