(Closed) Dating for 8 years, still no proposal

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 18
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Sunfire: great advice. I totally agree.

I’m going on 8 years with my SO and def got impatient a few times about waiting for an engagement-especially when my friends started to get engaged. It took a lot of talks and honesty from both of us to realize that there were some things holding us back from marriage. Things about ourselves or within the relationship that needed “fixing”. But the important part was that we both wanted to marry each other and now that we are both happy in life and in our relationship I’ve been given a timeline for the engagement. I don’t know your whole story, but I think you deserve to be told the truth about what is going on. Has he said he wants to marry you in the future? If not, he needs to say yes or no on this. After 8 years, he should know. He needs to give you the reason why he is brushing engagement/marriage off. Then you can make a decision on whether or not he is worth waiting for. 

Post # 19
Member
2933 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If you don’t think marriage is a deal-breaker, then just carry on and assume you’ll never get married but be together forever.  Because if you think it’s leading toward marriage, you’ll get obsessed with it – and you said so yourself that you love him unconditionally and might not leave him over marriage.

 

Enjoy your relationship.  Tell him that  you’re in it for the long haul even if you never get married.  It might calm his nerves, make you closer, and you might just get married in the end anyway.

Post # 20
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My fiancee and I have been together for 11 years. We bought a house 6 years ago and a dog. Over the last Year we renovated our house. My Fiance wanted to get a few things ticked off before we got married. The house is still not finished, but totally livable as it is only the family bathroom and guest bed and ensuite to do.

 

My advice to you is it will happen when you least expect it, will marrying him change your relationship – my answer is no it is only a piece of paper.

Post # 21
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@GroovyHippieChick:  hahaha…I told now Fiance that this cow was done giving away the milk for free when I left him.

 

He showed up on my doorstep weeks later after we were broken up and his proposal was thrusting a ring box at me and announcing through tears and snottiness that “I’d like to buy the cow please”.

 

OP you need, and are entitled to have the conversation, and an idea of how he sees your future together. You are entitled to make a decision if that vision he has (or doesn’t?) will work for you, or not.

Post # 22
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My boyfriend and I dated for almost exactly 8.5 years before he proposed, so I totally know what that feels like. That being said, if you two have discussed it already, and a reasonable amount of time has passed since that discussion, I would say have a sit down talk to discuss the direction the relationship is headed in. I think, after 8 years, you should know that he isn’t going to just up and leave. If that were the case, a ring wouldn’t stop him either. Just try to talk to him rationally – I definitely think its appropriate at this stage of the relationship.

Post # 24
Member
3354 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 1900

@anonabon:  Do you two live together?  It seems like he’s getting everything he needs to be comfortable in life without having to take the next step in your relationship.  Sometimes ultimatums can be a good thing.  It might be the little kick he needs, or it might be the little kick you need to start focusing on what you need/want in life…. and finding the person that wants those same things with you.

Post # 25
Member
9 posts
Newbee

@anonabon:  My situation is exactly the same for the most part. I have been together with my boyfriend for 9 years and there is no engagement. We began talking about it and went looking for rings down to my final 3 picks and talked about a budget but he keeps telling me he’s not ready and needs to think about it. I have given him an ultimatum. Either he comes up with a plan on how he would like things to go or I am moving out. It just gets to a point and all the holidays go by that are special to you and no ring and no promise is given. I want to have kids and I am ok with having them without being married but I don’t want to be old and have the risk during the pregnancy go up significantly after I turn 30. I guess a question you could ask yourself is are you ok with having kids without being married and knowing that either one of you could leave at either time? That’s just my input. By my heart hurts and sometimes enough is enough.

Post # 26
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Propose to him! 😉

Post # 26
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I’m having the same identical issue go on at the moment.  We been together 8 1/2 years, no kids, no proposal, nothing.  We have talked about it and he says he wants to be together forever but as far as marriage,it’s a very blurry subject.  I’m 29 and am ready for my marriage,house, and kids.  I even told him that if he doesn’t want it that I would move on and no hard feelings.  That was months ago and nothing.  I even thought well he’s awesome,maybe we can go forward,buy a house, n just stay how we are.  I started the house process and feel like it’s only me doing the effort.  I don’t want to throw it away because he’s a great guy but when is seems impossible to know without nagging.  I pretty much gave myself to the end of the year..and if nothing happens I will move on. it’s a scary thought!

Post # 27
Member
1726 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I just posted this in another thread – but do you want the man, or do you want the marriage? I was with my fiance for 7 years before he proposed, and he still caught me by surprise. Even if it had ended, I never would’ve felt like I wasted my time because I love him, and we love each other. He’s shown me he’s been committed to me for years, way before I ever had a ring on my finger. I knew it was just a matter of time. No one on here can tell you what to do because only you know your relationship best.

Post # 29
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

My take is this. If be wanted to get married he would. A man who is truly with “the one” knows it and will move mountains to keep you. 8 years? Sorry. Time to move on. A man can love a woman and never marry her. Its quite common. Hes comfy and just doesnt care enough to take that plunge. Theres no excuse  sorry. 

 

 

 

 

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