(Closed) Dating less then a year before getting engaged

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We courted for less than a year, planned a wedding, and were married in less than a year of becoming a couple! – priceless and we are so happy

Post # 18
Member
2259 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If you know you just know…. I don’t think there should be a time limit on how you should know when it’s right. We were together for about a year before we were married, we’ve known each other for several years before that, though. 

Post # 19
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My in-laws actually got married after only KNOWING each other for 10 days! They’ve been married over 40 years. I don’t think there’s any magic formula for what works.

Post # 20
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think it’s possible to know early on you’ve found someone good, but that doesn’t mean that you must get married right away. Sometimes when we’re in love, it’s the chemicals that take charge.

I just want to voice a concern with getting married too fast, for what it’s worth. There is no rush to get married, and you can’t be too careful especially when children are involved. Although you may know already he’s the right person for you, it doesn’t hurt to wait to get to know each other better. 

Post # 21
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

My parents met in February, were engaged in April and married in November of the same year.  They have been married for 31 years.

DH and I were engaged at 18 months and married at 2 years.  The only reason we waited so long to get engaged is because we were in different cities and we obviously needed to be in the same place.  He ordered my e-ring the day he got offered a job where we live.

When DH moved away 4 months into dating, he promised me that he would marry me someday.

Post # 22
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Maybe a bit of a generalization, but we are both 28 and I think age and life experience plays a big part in being able to recognize “the one” really quickly.

Post # 23
Member
4621 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

That’s lovely.  I think when you know he’s the one you just know.  I knew SO was the one after 3 months.  I’ve been with him 18 months and we aren’t engaged yet but if you’re both ready now then go for it!  We have other “life” things going on with us at the moment and getting married just isn’t a priority right now.

Post # 24
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My parents were married on the 7th week after they met.  It has been 35 years.  Sometimes you just know.

Post # 25
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

My grandparents met in October 1956 and were married December 22, 1956. My grandfather was 23 and I believe my grandmother was between 20-21. They are the most passionately in love couple I’ve ever known, and I love their story because it proves that sometimes it doesn’t matter – you just know.

Similarly, my best friend met her husband through yahoo! personals when he was stationed overseas (Air Force). After a few months of talking through email/im/phone, they met in person when he returned from deployment and it was an instant gut feeling for both: this is it. They were engaged within 3 months of meeting each other in person and just celebrated 5 years of marriage this past October.

Fiance and I, on the other hand, were friends for a year and dated for 3.5 before getting engaged. But I think we both knew early on that this was forever.

 

Post # 26
Member
6349 posts
Bee Keeper

Personally, I wouldn’t contemplate marriage until I was past the honeymoon period. With my OH, it lasted about 2.5 years, and to me, coming through that is kind of ‘make or break’. So many couples get caught up in the initial lust and excitement, and then when that wears off, they realise that actually, there are some issues. I would also question how well you can know someone after less than a year together.

I’m not saying that’s the same for everyone, and I’m not saying you can’t love someone early on, and know that you will likely marry them; but personally, I don’t see the need to rush into marriage. Why not just enjoy being a couple, get past that honeymoon period, and then start to talk about marriage?

Post # 27
Member
1842 posts
Buzzing bee

He claimes he knew after the first date (which was ironicly not even a date, and my father was there) I took some convincing and after some on-again-off-again long-distance-nonsence we are finally making it work. 

Looking back, he is the exact same guy and is exactly who I want to spend the rest of my life with, I just didn’t know what I wanted at the time and he did. 

So I totally believe it is possible

Post # 28
Member
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

Fiance and I moved in together at 4 months, got engaged at 5 months and will be married at 2 years and 4 months. It’s perfect for us and we couldn’t be happier.

Post # 29
Member
11268 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

we knew by 2-3 weeks after meeting that we meant to be together.  he proposed within 3 months from our first date.  we both agreed to a longer engagement (we wanted to do a lot of travelling first).  that was 2.5 years ago, we are getting married in april.

my dad and step-mom met in april and married in august.  they’ve been together for over 30 years now.  (they were very supportive of us getting engaged so quickly).

Post # 30
Member
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I knew that DH was the one after 1 month of dating him.  That said – we dated for almost 4 years before we got engaged and almost 5 before we got married.

We hit a rough patch around year 2; it’s when I feel we really learned to communicate with each other and navigate through how we both deal with anger, sorting out feelings, etc.

I think the benefit to dating longer is you have more time to learn how to navigate those situations without the additional commitment/pressures of marriage.

I had a friend who started dating her DH a couple months after I started dating mine.  She got engaged at 5 months and was married by 10 months.  She’s had a really rocky time during their marriage because for her, there were a lot of things she hadn’t realized when they were dating.  (they were both over 30 with no kids).   That doesn’t mean he wasn’t the one or that they are headed for divorce – she just wishes they would have worked certain issues out before they got married, which would have happened had they dated longer.

The other thing I think is when you get engaged, the focus shifts from the relationship to wedding planning and I think the focus on the relationship gets reintroduced after the wedding craze is settled.

Anyway – not sure if any of that makes sense, but that’s likely where most of the concern lies from (assuming you are getting the ‘are you sure’ type comments from people).

Post # 31
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

DH and I met online when I was 35 and he was 33 back in 2008.  We were engaged in less than 6 months, but I think we both knew right away that we were a good match and were going to be together forever!  We were married almost a year from our proposal date and are going on 3 years of marriage!  For some people you just know and I have never felt like we rushed into anything, he is my best friend!

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