(Closed) Dating men with kids

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
5944 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

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suelady:  I would think long and hard about that, for real. I am CFBC and ended up marrying (and divorcing) a man with 4 kids. That’s hard enough, right? Here’s the kicker, they eventually came to live with us 24/7. Something to think about. You would need to be 100% on board with accepting his children and yes you will interact in different ways with the mother. The mother will always come before you, understandably, but it can make things sticky.

Post # 3
Member
3089 posts
Sugar bee

Since I have kids,I prefer men with them. But if I was child free by choice, I would think dating someone with kids kind of contradicts that choice. However, it also depends on age.Most men my age have kids anyway (I am 37). With my ex husband,I give him no issues when it comes to mine and there is absolutely no drama. I would not date a man with ex issues and vague boundaries period.Thats the real issue,not the actual kids (at least for me anyway).

Post # 4
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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suelady:  I was child-free by choice, and am now with-step-child by choice. Because I chose said step-child’s father to be my life partner. And it is very difficult, it’s probably the hardest aspect of our relationship.

In short: yes, it will be easier to date only men without kids.  To date a man with kids, especially a man who is a good father will necessarily bring that child and his mother into your life in many ways: they will partake (in a very significant way!) in your calendar, your heart, and your wallet.  And I’m sure there’s more ways that I just haven’t come across yet.  

The only reason why it’s worked is because I know that I am unequivocally the top priority in my husband’s life. On my end, it is absolutely my job to support my husband in his goals, which includes being a good father.  Too, I am (growing more) invested in my step son growing up to be strong, happy, and functional, which includes being kind to and respecting his mother.

But to circle back on your question, it is very, very difficult. For many of the reasons we opted to be child free in the first place. 🙂 

Would love to hear why you’re asking the question or if there’s more specific information you’re looking for – I’d be happy to oblige if I have anything to contribute.

Post # 5
Member
1689 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I didn’t date men with children. I believe relationships are already complicated (but fun of course) then add baby mama drama and kids… No thanks! I was divorced at 32, and again, chose to date men without kids only. Surprisingly there are a lot of guys who are either waiting to have kids as well or just don’t want them.

Post # 6
Member
7897 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If you’re childree by choice, wouldn’t a man with kids be a dealbreaker? Unless he’s a deadbeat, the kids will be a part of your life to some extent too. I never came across a man to date with kids, but I would try to avoid that kind of potential drama. I suppose it might be a slightly different story if the man was widowed, but there would still be additional issues to deal with in terms of long term compatibility. 

Post # 7
Member
835 posts
Busy bee

A guy with kids was a huge dealbreaker for me and I want kids in the future. 

Post # 8
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

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suelady:  

Nope. I would not have dated a man with kids. A widower with kids? Maybe.

And that’s a big “oh my word there’s a burning bush telling me to date him” maybe. 

 

eta: I was just thinking and, in all fairness, I would have dated a widower with grown kids without too much hesitation. Straight to grandkids would’ve been fine by me. Granted, he would’ve needed to have started early because I wasn’t that old when I got married and I probably wouldn’t have dated older than ~15yrs.

 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  NFLwidow.
Post # 9
Hostess
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Once! I was 18 and it lasted 2 months. Never again. Lol Ugh terrible idea (mainly because he was an idiot) then again a lot of us don’t make great choices at 18.

 

On the other hand my Dad got remarried when I was 15, my stepmother is one of the greatest people in my life so I’m glad him having 3 kids didn’t scare her away. Granted we were 15, 17 and 19 at that time. 

Post # 11
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Glen Island Harbour Club

I’m currently childless, (but want children), and my Fiance has a 6 year old son.  At my age, 37, I figured it’s inevitable that I’d wind up with a man with at least one.  I love his son like he’s my own, and I know they’re a package deal.  His relationship with the exwife was actually pretty decent for the most part…until she learned we were getting married.  When he told her we were engaged, her response was actually, “Oh, I’m getting married too, but I’m not 100% sure.”  I honestly think she needs a mental evaluation.  He and I haven’t had any issues over her, we’re usually on the same page, and he does a pretty good job of not letting her crazy affect him or us.  I’m certainly not looking forward to dealing with her if she continues on this path, but we do crazy things for love!

Post # 12
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would never have married a guy with kids.  Not for me.  I’ve always wanted children too.  

Post # 13
Member
5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

I am childfree, and that to me includes not having stepchildren, so I would, hypothetically, not date a man with kids. I would be less worried about the mom and…more worried about the kids. Because….childfree

But even before I *knew* I was childfree I chose not to date men with kids. Just not something I was interested in. They are out there, and it is okay to have certain deal breakers, etc. 

 

Post # 14
Member
1808 posts
Buzzing bee

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gdgbd:  I couldn’t have put it better myself.

I feel the same way…I choose my husband and can’t imagine a life without him. Do I wish I wasn’t a stepparent sometimes and do I wish he was flying solo when I met him? Sure. But it’s a package deal and he really does put us first, regardless. I wouldn’t throw the baby out with the bath water…or the husband. 

Post # 15
Member
9016 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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suelady:  Another vote for I am CBC and so  no to dating men with children. Being childfree by choice means not wanting children by any means. 

 

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