(Closed) Dating newbie needs some advice?!

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Are you separated as in still married? I don’t understand; sorry. If you are still married, I think you should get your ducks in a row before even trying to have a relationship with him or anyone else.

Post # 4
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

If it were me, I would stop responding and move on. Regardless if he is interested, are you ready to have a relationship right now? And in my dating experience, texting isn’t good. The guys that rely solely on text communication and do not have time to call me or see me in person aren’t worth the amount of effort it takes to respond to a text.

Post # 5
Member
7412 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@MissTatas: The guys that rely solely on text communication and do not have time to call me or see me in person aren’t worth the amount of effort it takes to respond to a text.

AMEN! All I hear from my single and dating friends is how lazy men have gotten and dam near refuse to speak on teh phone anymore. I don’t think the solution is to give into this nonsense. Texting makes it so easy to “seem” like your connected. Its total bullshit. Its very easy to send a group text “hey how are you?” or “thinking about you?” Really dude. Pick up a damn phone. Plus there is so much that gets lost in texting. I need to hear your voice, I need to see your eyes, judge your body language. I swear if I was back out in the dating scene I would not put up with all this message, message, text bullshit. Pick up the phone and call me or there is no “date”. End. of. story. Honestly I think we just have remember to go back to basics. There is one rule that hasnt changed since the beginning of time.  When a man is really intersted in you, there is no keeping him away. He’ll be eager to spend time with you and not have you begging for scraps of his time.

I’m not clear on this seperated thing either. Are you divorced or what? I personally would never date anyone who is seperated – and he made it clear that is and issue and stopped communciating with you. I think he’s just keeping you around frankly. And don’t fool yourself, there is no “lets just be friends” you guys were never friends to begin with.

 

Post # 7
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Ugh. Take it from me. I went on 30 dates with people I met on an online dating site. The number one rule is DO NOT CHASE HIM. He should be chasing you. (And that’s exactly what my present husband did). Save yourself from hours of wondering and move on. There are “plenty of fish in the sea”. If this guy has a problem with your separation, there might be 15 more out there who don’t mind or are separated themselves.

So many times I thought a guy was for real but a texting relationship is not real (as MissTatas) said. Do you know what he’s doing when he’s just texting you? Probably calling or seeing someone else and you are 2nd or even 3rd choice. I don’t mean to sound uncaring. It’s the exact opposite actually. I want SOMEONE to learn from my silly dating mistakes.

I wouldn’t even bother telling him you just want to be friends. I’d cut all contact. If he is “missing you”, he can pick up the phone and call you and start dating you, fresh.

Really, though, I wouldn’t give him another thought. Keep trying though! And it’s admirable you are honest to guys about your relationship status.

I dated someone whom I thought was divorced. He confessed 2 months later that he was only separated and I ended it. Not because of his status but because he lied. good luck!

Post # 8
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

He’s keeping you on the back burner. He doesn’t want to date you, but he wants to keep you there just in case–in case he’s bored, in case he needs an ego boost, in case he doesn’t find someone else and needs an emergency date to a wedding or work event.

I had a few rules for myself when online dating (met my Darling Husband on OKCupid). One was what to discuss and how long before meeting. There seemed to be lots of guys that were just bored and wanted to chat, IM, text and never take it to RL. So I rarely IM’d with guys and after a few rounds of messages, I wanted to meet or they were put into ‘friend’ pile. I was going through a rough time, so havine several guys to message with was fun. I just didn’t put any energy into them into relationships.

Stop responding–don’t tell him you are going to stop responding. If he asks at some point why you stopped responding, let him know, “you made it clear that  you don’t want to date me since I’m only separated. I don’t want to waste my time or  yours. I’ll let you know when the divorce is final.”

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