Post # 1
I have a friend who was in a long-term relationship for about a decade. They broke up last year for the last time. In between there was a guy she dated when they broke up for a year or two. Both guys were the same physical type. One had a house, excellent job, etc. The other did not even have a car;that was the one she was with for a decade. In appearance they could have been brothers or cousins.
She is dating this guy who is very into her now. He is the polar opposite of the other two. He is very obese, short, and does not have a cute teddy bear face either. She is aware, and says that looks are not important to her. I will say that years ago in HS, she dated another obese guy, but he did look like a teddy bear (he cheated on her by the way). Nonetheless, this guy seems like he would do anything for her. Her family disapproves of him, like they did her recent ex. This guy has a job, car, etc. and has been traveling frequently out of state to see her. He is going to take her on a nice trip soon to meet his parents. He wants them to wait until marriage to have sex (I am amazed when it is the guy who suggests this). Basically, he seems great as a person.
I have dated guys who were not at all my type, but it does not last. I have NEVER dated anyone long-term that I was very unattracted to, he had to at least be cute. I also cannot date a morbidly obese guy, not to say anything bad about them, I just really LOVE muscle on a man.
Do you think it is possible to stay with someone who is not your type physically? I am a bit skeptical because I know how finicky this girl can be. She will talk to someone else while dating exclusively, just to see if the other guy is a better option. She even says it about herself. She seems really committed at times, and then loses interest later, especially if there are any relationship problems. Is it possible to have everything you need in one guy? (I do, but I don’t know if that is rare).
Post # 2
- Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church
bebelicious1: I don’t think looks are everything but I do think you absolutely must be attracted to your partner. I always heard, “You can’t kiss character!”
Post # 3
Well… I think it’s two different things – dating outside your “type” I can understand… but being with someone you’re not attracted to is completely another.
Did she actually say she is not attracted to him? Just because he’s not conventionally handsome doesn’t mean she doesn’t have some sort of chemistry with him.
Post # 4
bebelicious1: I have dated people ”outside my type” but there has to be a level of attraction
Post # 5
hisgirl10: I agree, looks are not everything, and they fade. In her previous relationship she was more lovey dovey and enamored. I mean, at least that is how it looked to me. But, I haven’t seen this guy so much with her because she is in another state, so yeah…
Post # 6
bebelicious1: My FI is the first guy I dated that not my “type”. I always dated hispanic guys (I liked all hispanic guys, although my “norm” within my type was usually mexican or puerto rican). I’ve always been attracted to personality and not looks…but they were always super skinny, about 5’7ish, and all had very similiar personality traits. Outgoing, funny, jealous, possessive, horrible tempers, ect ect. My mom always told me if there was a loser around he would be attracted to me. I’m a very calm, low key person so for some reason I always attracted the crazies. This included my hs sweetheart, and my 4 year relationship post hs. My mom would always tell me to try dating out of my comfort zone, but it didn’t matter, I always attracted and was attracted to the same guys.
When I first met FI I thought he was cute…for a white guy but didn’t really think past that. I had dated a few guys since my last break up and just wasn’t looking for a new relationship at that point. We started to talk at work and a bunch of us would go out to lunch and there was just something about him that kept wanting me to know more about him. After about 2 weeks of hanging out with friends he asked me out on our first date…and I’ve been with him ever since. He’s completely opposite every guy I dated…as well as what I thought I would end up with. He’s blonde hair, blue eyes, 6’4, sweet, funny, very even tempered (which after crazy abusive relationships…let me tell you how nice that really is!) and he loves me the way I am…and has never tried to change who I am or what I like, how I dress… when i’m with him…i’m just 100% me. (Something I think I forgot for a couple years as I bounced from bad to worse in relationships.)
Anywho..in my case, dating outside my “type” worked out…but I think part of that was that I was ready for it. I think had it been 5 years ago, it wouldn’t have worked out….bc I wouldn’t have been in the same place and been ready to really give it a shot and see where it went. I would have been like one date and ok, well he’s nice…but he’s not my type…onto the next.
Post # 7
canarydiamond: Sometimes, I feel like she hints at things, but does not come right out and say them. She would always boast about how fit her ex was and how good he looked, etc. With this guy, she speaks more on his personality. Don’t get me wrong, I love this girl and she has been a dear friend for years, but I KNOW that she exaggerates things. Like, she would tell me how much her ex spoiled her, but he was actually selfish and she hid the whole no car thing for a long time from me. I think she likes to impress people, even me, which is not necessary. So rather than saying she is not as attracted to him as her exes, she optomistically will focus on the good. I hope this makes sense …
Post # 8
bebelicious1: I”ve dated people who weren’t “my type” and I think I did it as a rebound. It was something new, and different. But, in the end I knew exactly what I wanted and they were never it. Somehow, I found someone who was EVERYTHING I knew I wanted. Now I look back at my ex’s who “weren’t my type” and I gag.
Post # 9
hazyleyedbeauty: I am so glad that it worked out for you! Your man still sounds pretty handsome, haha! Well, you have certainly moved onto better things. That is what I want for her. My worry is, if she is with someone who is great, but not her type or at least physically attractive to her, that she will lose interest. She has a bit of a roving eye. This guy is great, but she said to me that she wondered if she prefered jerks over good guys recently. This other dude has been trying to date her, but she said he is a douche. So if he was not a complete douche, would she kick this great guy to the curb for a hotter guy? Is it possible to stay faithful forever with someone who is not the type that she finds attractive, I don’t really know.
Post # 10
Katie918: Thanks for the comment! This is my concern as well. She really wants to be married and this has happened kind of quick with this man. I worry that she will rush into marriage with a rebound guy. She wants so badly to have him be different and the one. I don’t want to burst her bubble though. Her family is against her even dating this guy, and they told her she should not be in a serious relationship right now. I want to support her, even though there is this feeling in my gut that something is not right, and she should slow down.
He already professed his love and she mentioned having a proposal dream. She said after the dream she realized how much she cares about him and is now in between love and like. Huh?! Why do you need a specific event to make you think he is the one. Doesn’t it happen on its own? Or should his actions have already shown you how you feel? She told me she has been hesitant and uncertain about her feelings this whole time, and I think it is because she is not attracted to him.
Post # 11
bebelicious1: I know that it is entirely possible to fall in love and stay in love with someone who is physically not one’s type. My ideal body type is a tall, skinny, toned but not overly muscular guy. My fiance is my height and considerably overweight. He is not someone who would have turned my head walking down a street. That being said, I absolutely find him attractive. He has the most beautiful blue eyes imaginable, I love his hair, I love his nose, I love his hands (he has the prettiest fingernails…it sounds silly, but they are perfect), etc. etc. Most of all, I love that he is a truly good man that makes me laugh all the time, supports me, loves me unconditionally, and has values that are compatible with mine, etc.
Post # 12
sjhanddab2014: Thank you for this. I am glad to hear that it is possible. I see that you have mentioned the things that you do find attractive physically. I am waiting to see if she says something like that.
Post # 13
I think this is a tricky road to go down. Much like the PP, I am married to a man that is tall but overweight, and I’ve had friends actually tell me that we ‘just won’t be good together’ because I’m a short cute, all American type girl and he was basically below my level. :/ you may not think he’s attractive but she might, and it’s possible she doesn’t brag about his looks because she knows he’s not conventionally attractive.
I do understand your concern that there may not be chemistry and she’s forcing it too fast but still. No one can evet truly judge a relationship properly from the outside. We just don’t see what’s in their hearts and what happens behind closed doors. I wouldn’t be with my husband if I had listened to the petty friends that thought I was too good for him. But eventually everyone could see we were truly happy.
in the end, all you can do is be there for her. The only way I’d consider getting involved is if there’s major red flags like abuse or something.
Post # 14
Physical attraction is usually what draws us to another person, having a great personality and things in order help us look past flaws [Like in high school, maybe you had a friend who was a little overweight but you hardly noticed because she was your friend? Like that, we tend to look past things like that when we like the person].
If she is not attracted to him in anyway at all, I don’t see it working. But really, that’s her and his buisness.
Post # 15
I’ve dated outside my “norm” with mixed results. What that means is typically things start off good, but go downhill shortly after. I like it in that it does reaffirm what I want and don’t want in a partner.
On a similar note, can you imagine going through an experience like this?
[link removed for self-promotion]
Should make us count our blessings!