Dating Someone Bipolar

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Hostess
9546 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

ladyjane123 :  Blanket statements don’t work around here. I think you’ve made your opinions clear. If there’s nothing else to contribute maybe let others participate in the conversation instead of getting argumentative. 

Post # 62
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

DrAtkins :  

When it is something as personal as whom to date, I think everyone’s entitled to their own threshold, whether it’s mental illness or religion or education level.

Personally, while it’s a moot point now, I would never choose to date someone with schizophrenia, even if it were mostly managed, just as I wouldn’t date someone with Huntington’s, and, given the vast options available, would likely not choose to date someone who is bipolar. Knowing myself, I know I’m the type of person that would be unable to compartmentalize any mental instability of my partner, and it would greatly impact my ability to thrive and function as an individual. While, of course, there is no way to fully insure oneself against it, given prior information, I would not actively choose the higher risk. Furthermore, mental illnesses often have a hereditary component to which I would not want to subject any offspring.

Post # 63
Member
4902 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

anonymousbee001 :  I would assume you feel the same way about hereditary diseases as well, not dating people with them or subjecting your children to them

People can date whoever they want, but there would be outrage if a thread was posted about not dating people with heart disease or diabetes

What if your partner develops a mental illness down the line? Maybe something traumatic happened or there was a late onset of an illness. Would you leave the relationship?

comments in threads like this can be hard to read, there are people behind these illnesses. It’s gross to see people make sweeping statements about others

Post # 64
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

Sansa85 :  I think we should be respectful of others’ choices. I’m not making sweeping judgements on what others should choose, only on my own choices. Just as I know that traits like smoking, alcohol addiction, the lack of an undergraduate degree, and differing beliefs over religion would be dealbreakers, as would some mental illnesses.

There are some hereditary diseases that I would feel the same way about: I mentioned Huntington’s as one. I do think a family history of heart disease or diabetes is different because it impacts one’s life and the lives of their family members differently than does mental illness.

In this thought exercise, I think if I were merely dating someone that developed a mental illness like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, I would definitely be hesitant to continue the relationship. Certainly, if it had been only a few dates, I would likely cease dating the person, as it would likely be the best choice for my own mental health and well-being. (No one is owed a date or a relationship.)

I understand that viewpoints like these are difficult for people to hear. I’ve noticed that the responses suffer from selection bias, skewing towards individuals who have mental illnesses or who have chosen partners with mental illnesses. However, this doesn’t invalidate my beliefs or my own individual circumstances, or others who feel the same way.

Post # 66
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

sweetdee89 :  I was addressing Sansa85 :‘s question and sweeping statement. Not everyone has the temperment to be someone with a mental illness. I actually did date someone who was bipolar: I learned that I do not have such a temperment, that I needed stability and clarity in a partner, and choosing not to date people with certain mental illnesses was best choice for my own well-being. I think it’s hypocritical to judge my individual choice in that matter.

 

Post # 68
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

sweetdee89 :  Thank you smile I think my advice was implicit. Given my experience, I do think you should be careful to monitor your own mental health and, like any relationship, not be afraid to leave if you find that the relationship is not working for you, and, despite the comments in this thread, you shouldn’t feel guilty even if it is related to his disorder. You should also be careful if you find him using his mental illness as an excuse for disrespectful behavior or abuse and cognizant of any comorbitides that may add additional complications.

Post # 70
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

sweetdee89 :  You seem to be changing the goal post: I think I can be selective in my answer, but the takeaways and advice are the same: I found that the highs and lows of being in relationship with someone with bipolar was detrimental to my own well-being. I’m not sure what the point of this thread is if you’re not willing to consider other viewpoints.  

We should not castigate or shame people who choose not to date people with certain mental disorders and we should not discount the valid reasons people may have behind that choice.

Post # 72
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

sweetdee89 :  You seem fairly defensive. You may have chosen to date somone with a mental illness, which is of course, your perogative, but you don’t seem to be appreciating insight that may be contrary to your rosy viewpoint.

My original purpose of responding to this thread to point out that we shouldn’t attack people for their decision with respect to choosing not to date people with mental illness. The decision is perfectly valid, just as the decision not to date an alcoholic or someone with chronic communicable disease might be.

I think it was obvious from my response that I often found him using his mental illness as an excuse. Dating him and dealing with the highs and the lows, his paranoia, and the lack of accountability related to his mental illness was exhausting and detrimental to my own well-being and mental health. Take that as you may. I don’t owe you specific, personal details. 

Post # 73
Member
539 posts
Busy bee

anonymousbee001 :  

You have expressed the same viewpoint 4 or 5 times, and it is clear that it is not helpful to the OP. I’m not sure what you hope to gain by expressing it a 6th or 7th time.

Post # 74
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee

OP: “It’s dinner time, I’m super hungry, and there are tons of things to order on this menu. What does everyone think I should order for dinner?”

anonymousbee001 :  “I’m not hungry and don’t want to order any food at all.” 

Post # 75
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

anonymousbee001 :  [moderated]

sweetdee89 :  is he bipolar I or II and has anyone mentioned mania/manic episodes yet? Hubby has gone manic and had to be hospitalized a couple of times. (I’m bipolar II so I get hypo-mania but I don’t go manic).

Pretty sure I have some residual PTSD from the first time hubby went manic because, despite the fact that I am bipolar, I was 100% not prepared for that, hadn’t experienced a manic epsidode before. It can be and was extremely scary, I didn’t know what to do at first at all and I’ve got years of psychiatric treatment/therapy under my belt.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors