Post # 1
Bumble and Hinge have been promoting these facetime dates to connect virtually while we are all in quarantine. I think it could be a good idea to talk to someone over the phone/facetime and see if there is a connection and when this is over meet in person.
There is one guy I talked to last week and he seemed cool, but there are so many things you can’t tell from Facetime. I cant see his height, body, or body language since the Facetime was just close up of his face. Basically, we had a decent conversation (he’s a healthcare worker so it was mainly about coronavirus lol) but it’s hard to tell if we’d like each other in person over the phone.
Anyways, my question is he’s been texting me every single day since our converation. Every time he texts me he asks a question to keep the conversation going. Of course I am replying and being polite, but text chit chat with a stranger I’m not going to meet for a while seems pointless. My question is, would it be rude to tell him something like it was great talking to you but basically that I don’t really want to text every day since we won’t meet in person any time soon, and we have no idea if we will have any chemistry in person. I just don’t want to have weeks of chatting and then we meet in person and there’s just no interest (mutual or one-sided) because it creates this false sense of intimacy. I don’t mind checking in here and there every once and a while the next few weeks, but all day long texting isn’t for me (even with friends honestly!).
I’m just trying to figure out how to word this, and also if this seems rude, or if I should just keep going with the chit chat.
Post # 2
Since you’ve only talked to this guy once on Facetime and have never met him IRL, I don’t think you really need to “say” anything about this. I’d prob take more of a slow fade approach and hope that he gets the hint. So like if he texts you and you don’t feel like engaging right away – simply don’t engage right away. Wait a day or two to reply if that’s what you feel like doing. He should get the picture. If he doesn’t ease up then you could be more direct if you wanted, or just block him.
Post # 3
I think this is a perfectly reasonable boundary to set!
(Although why would height or body matter?… And are those not already on his profile?)
Is you are indeed interested in seeing him in person, I would tell him that (and communicate if he should ask you out when things lift or if you want to reach out to him) but also communicate that you are not interested in daily texting in the meantime for the reasons you listed.
Seems perfectly fair to me considering the situation, and if he’s pushy or huffy about it, that tells you something too.
You also don’t have to respond to his texts right away. So you could also tell him you’re responding when you have time and space and energy for it .
Post # 4
Are you more open to talking vs. texting? I also hate texting all day long. I feel it takes more time, than taking a few minutes to talk.
In the mean time, maybe you should just tell ask him if you could communicate some other way, mention the specific way, and see what he thinks.
Post # 5
Yeah I thought he was cool enough that I would be interested in meeting him in person when this is over, but until then I don’t think we really need to talk. I’ve been doing a bit of a slow fade and responding shorter and less frequently, but I feel like I’m being rude because I don’t want to ghost him, I just don’t want to text every day until quarantine is over. That’s why I thought maybe on his next text I should say something.
Post # 6
Since you’ve been responding less frequently, has he been texting less frequently? In other words is he taking the hint or still texting daily?
Post # 7
I played what I called ‘texting games’. The ABCs of a subject when I first started dating my SO. Subjects like:
What do you want to do on your next vacation
What do you like about yourself
What didn’t you like about your last relationship
What do you want in a dream house
One person would have to use the letter A in their answer and the next person B and so forth it was really fun and informative
Post # 8
Well, just tell him. I mean, if this is someone you think you could be interested in dating, might as well just tell him from the get go and his response will tell you whether or not this is something worth pursuing.
That said, if it were me, I would just go on more facetime or skype “dates” with him. Otherwise, I guess I’m really confused why you are even bothering with online dating and doing the facetime dates in the first place if you’re not willing to pursue other online forms of communication.
Don’t get me wrong – in ordinary online dating circumstances I am 100% on the side of meeting sooner rather than later and not dragging out texting and getting attached to someone via email/text who has the benefit of putting some time and thought into how they want to present themselves in every interaction. It’s easy to be charming and thoughful when you can hit the backspace key as many times as you like before you hit send.
But you say your plan is to meet in person “when this is over.” That could be months. Months and months. As in some researchers are saying we will or should be practicing social distancing until at least 2022. And this guy in particular works in healthcare and probably going to be undergoing quarantining on a pretty frequent basis due to exposure. So, you’re expecting to go on one facetime date and then have guys chill out for what will likely be a minimum of 4-6 more weeks and potentially months and then still be interested (or even available) to go on a date with you in person? I think if your approach isn’t going to allow for more creativity using online media to bridge the gap during this pandemic (and I’m talking something that is more real-time face-to-face, not just texting), then it’s probably pretty pointless to engage in online dating in the first place for the time being and just take a break from it.
Post # 9
I think if you tell him you have no interest in communicating until you can meet in person you should be prepared for him to not want to meet in person when this is all over. And I’d wonder why you were even wasting your time and his time with online dating right now.
Post # 10
I’m a bit confused as to what you want to do. Do you want to have another FaceTime “date” with him? Or do you basically want to not talk/text him again until this whole quarantine business is over with? Because if it’s the first one, I think it sounds like he’d be really receptive to that and you should probably mention you’re not a fan of texting in general and just set up another date.
But if it’s the latter, I honestly don’t know how that’s going to work out. I’m trying to imagine if I was single and felt I connected with someone in this time and then they told me something along the lines of “cool, however I don’t really want any contact with you again until this is all over. Let’s see each other in a month or two or three when the social distancing restrictions are lifted!” I think, if I’m honest, that would really put me off. Instead of just hoping you’d remember when all this is done with, I’d use that time to “date” other people and chances are when quarantine was over I probably wouldn’t remember the person I had that one FaceTime date with months ago.
Post # 11
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I think it might be best if you just don’t do online dating right now if meeting soon after you initiate communication is important to you. You might continue to run into this issue as texting, calls, and FaceTime are all people can really do right now. If that kind of communication doesn’t appeal to you long term, you’re better off just staying off the site until you can meet in person with people again.
If I thought I was getting along with someone and they told me I seemed nice, but they didn’t want to talk again until we could meet in person, I wouldn’t be inclined to wait for that person. I’d just move on to someone else who did want to talk to me.
Post # 12
I think you should be honest with him (so as not to string him along) but be prepared for him to say, thanks, but no thanks. I’m sure there are plenty of guys out there who are also more interested in your body type than what you have to say or what you’re all about. That wouldn’t be my thing, but hey, to each his/her own.
Post # 13
I agree about postponing dating until you can meet in person given your issues with online communication. It is natural to want to be in contact with someone – at least now and then – in other ways if you’re interested. If the only thing you want is to meet in person and even text messages bother you, why bother dating until you can meet in person?
Post # 14
I typically think Facetime dating is absolutely no substitute for the real thing, and normally would have no interest in endless text exchanges without setting up an in person meeting. But these are very different times. Just tell him you prefer Facetime chats to texting. Otherwise, I don’t see the point.
I would never agree to be “exclusive” on this basis, though.
Post # 15
so what’s your plan with online dating right now. Creating a list of people to meet up with after but not talk in the meantime? While talking everyday at this stage in the relationship might feel like too much for some people, I think you’re reasoning is slightly strange.
If someone told me they prefer not to talk until we can meet in person, I would probably not be willing to meet them in person when this is over. So by all means, be honest but also don’t expect them to just sit in the wings waiting.