posted 7 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
2844 posts
Sugar bee

When I was single I usually found that my ‘dating motivation’ came in waves. And winter time – especially january – was usually the very least motivated time. 

I wouldn’t push yourself too hard to be proactive about dating constantly. Sure, stay on the apps, but also use the downtime to focus on building yourself up in other ways. Then when you start to feel the urge to date again you’ll also have the added benefit of knowing your life is already full and well rounded and that you have a lot to offer.

So  keep yourself open, but don’t force it if you need some time for yourself. It makes dating a lot more fun when you feel like you’re just looking to share your awesome life, rather than looking for someone to fill a void.

Post # 17
453 posts
Helper bee

I totally understand how you feel. I was with some stupid jerk for five years of my life and I used to be SO resentful that he wasted my time. Now I’m so very grateful that he left me and is out of my life. The funny thing was that he dated one of my good friends’ ex gf’s and then she broke up with him! She basically told him the reason she was done was for the same reasons I did and I know this is messed up but it made me feel better. Like it was karma. I didn’t ask for any of this info, but my friend has this terrible tendency to talk to all his ex’s, so he told me the story

Anyway, I had been single for a year and a half. I was on match, eharmony, OKC, Bumble, and Tinder. Not at the same time for the record lol. Just in waves I would try a different avenue. I had zero luck on the paid websites. They were all older men in their 50’s and here I am like 31 at the time. It would gross me out. Then I switched to Bumble and Tinder. I went on a TON of first dates on Bumble. It was good to get myself back out there. On Tinder I did find a guy and we were kinda like a “thing” for awhile, but ultimately it didn’t work out and I’m A OK with that!! Flash foward to November- I get an instagram message from a guy that I used to work with like eight years ago. He always had a thing for me, but like he’d message me at the worst times. I’d be with a boyfriend, or just broke up with a boyfriend, and just really wasn’t in the mood to date. The last time we had a long conversation and we exchanged numbers. This is right around Thanksgiving at this point. We had been texting off an on for a bit. Stupid me calls him and tells him to come meet me at me parents house. My mother had gotten me drunk off whiskey hahah, and I literally puked outside his car door and he STILL WANTED TO TAK ME ON A DATE!! LOL!!! So the next week we go to a cute Italian place in the North End (Boston) and started hanging out more and more. One day he had just texted me and asked to be exclusive. He wasn’t a guy I’d typically date, but we had SO much in common! We just click so well. Uhhh so I guess the moral of my story is that you find love when you least expect it- and it doesn’t always have to be online, or someone who was in your life in the past- just at the wrong time. We are both head over heels for each other, and I know that he is THE one. Also my best friend met her Fiance on Plenty of Fish. They just got engaged and are getting married THIS fall!!! They dated for three years and I’m her Maid/Matron of Honor. So!! We’re BOTH 32. It’ll happen, girl. Just be patient! Don’t lose sight of who you are and do the things that make you happy. That guy will fall into your life when you least expect it and you’ll be so amazed when it happens!

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