(Closed) Dating/Marriage With Children From Previous Relationships

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
6349 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

I really think it depends on the individual situation. In some ways, I imagine that dating someone who has a child themselves might be easier for a single parent, as that person is more likely to understand the pressures and difficulties of being a single parent, as well as the politics (eg relationship with the child’s other parent). On the flip-side, I guess it could also present some difficulties; for example, what if the children don’t get on well/hate each other? This could cause issues. What if the man doesn’t have custody? Could this create a strain if his weekends are devoted to his children? (ie, might his partner have imagined weekends together as a new family). So yeah, I think it really depends, and that no two situations are the same; though I think that logistically, it might be easier for someone with a child to be with someone without a child.

Post # 4
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

i have children to a previous marriage… and my Fiance knows my kids come 1st. I had all sorts of restrictions when we 1st started dating.

every situation is completely different but your sister needs to be open an honest. if the man really loves her he will love the kids to.

 

Post # 5
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

i have a 10 year old son and my Fiance has no kids, i honestly think it may be easier for 2 single parents to be together. there are times when my Fiance doesnt understand what being a parent is like, they dont understand that we have to plan ahead for a sitter, trips, budget our spending with kids etc.

although my Fiance TRIES to understand, he will never get it until he has children of his own someday.  you also have to tread lightly with introducing a child to your SO, and pray to god they form a bond and dont turn out to be some type of evil step parent. that relationship has to be solid.

with all that being said, thankfully my fi and son get along fairly well. so i lucked out there.

Post # 6
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I have a bonus son who lives with us. I love him as he was my own. (@txbella:  I couldn’t imagine how your Fiance doesn’t understand what it’s like to be a parent, unless you’re not living together?)

I don’t have any biological children of my own yet, currently pregnant, but I do think it might be easier for 2 parents to date. It’s difficult at times for me to deal with the “baby mama drama” and I think if I was in the same situation with drama of my own it might be easier.  Sometimes I don’t understand the dynamic between my husband and his ex-wife and why they fight about the things they do, instead of just getting along for the sake of their son. If I was in the same situation maybe I would be more understanding.

Post # 7
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@mwitter80:  we dont live together.

Post # 8
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - woods

I have three little girls, 9,5, and 3. Mi Fiance loves them like they were his. When we first got together it made him leary…until he met them and seen how well behaved they were. He said that that just sealed the deal for him bc you can tell alot about a person from how their children act.

Post # 9
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I have a son, I think Fiance found it hard initially to know how to approach it, but we have eased our way into being a family.

I think the fact he has no children made it much easier, if  we had to blend two families I think it would have been much harder. He is getting an introduction to parenting and that has been valuable.

 

Post # 10
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My Fiance has a daughter who lives out of state. He loves her with all his heart, and she visits us on holidays and in the summer for three months. I love her too.  It’s interesting to know that in a few years she’ll be a teenager, but I’ll take it day by day. I just want to set a good example and make sure I don’t drop the ball when she’s here for the summers. Of course, it’s kind of like her vacation from reality when she comes here, and as the new girl in town you tread a fine line, but we have an open line of communication and get along. I hope that lasts.

I will say at first it is an adjustment knowing there is a child involved. I don’t think it makes it abnormally challenging, but I think every situation is different. 

 

Post # 11
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have a daughter from a previous relationship. My Fiance has no kids, and, honestly, I think it’s easier that way. Him not having children means we only had to concentrate on one child while we eased ourselves into becoming a family. I think, if there had been other children involved, it would have been more difficult.

That said, he’s gotten a lot of practice with my little girl and they are seriously best buddies. I hope your sister finds (or has already found!) a person who will love her son just as much as she does 🙂

Post # 12
Member
307 posts
Helper bee

I have two preadolescent kids.  I have found it incredibly hard to balance family and dating.  That said, I am considerably younger than most people with kids of the same age so that is a contributing factor – my Boyfriend or Best Friend who is my age had a lot of trouble adjusting to the idea in the beginning but it is somewhat better now, though it is still sometimes difficult. 

I think it also makes a difference whether or not the other parent is still in the picture.  I think if my children’s dad was not as involved I would have more flexibility (I would not have to consider him in my life decisions) and my Boyfriend or Best Friend would feel more comfortable.  That said, for the kids’ benefit I am still glad that their dad is involved and in their lives.

Post # 13
Member
346 posts
Helper bee

ive dated people with children and without. honestly I think its easier when someone doesnt have a child, but then they are clueless about your own children- raising, patience, etc.

dating someone with kids bring in the whole slew of issues, including ex’s that will never go away, unruley kids that oppose dad dating someone other than mom… the last ex I had, had the WEIRDEST children and allowed their crazy behaviors to go on. THAT alone was enough for me to see, I could never be a parent with him. and although i thought he was marriage material, it was living with him a bit and his kids that sealed that deal to NOT marry him. it was a mess there.
ONLY seeing his action with my kids, not his own had me in lala land. reality quickly changed when we all were together. so Im glad I was in that situation to make a solid choice.

the man I am with now has an older child but we dont see her much due to distance. even with that, there is a lot of hassle in travel, making sure the mom follows the court orders and such.

Post # 14
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@jwinnings:  When I set about dating for the first time as a single mom, I absolutely positively REQUIRED that a prospective date had been married before and had kids too.

Imho there is just waaaayyyy too much that marriage and parenting teach and form a person…and I felt as tho if I dated someone with no experience in neither arena, I’d never reach the fullest level of understanding and empathy that I personally need in a partner.

I will tell you though, it is certainly NO easy feat, dating, finding even a moment alone, between two sets of two kids, and the drama and shannanigans of two Exes. So, there are pros and cons to both sides of your question….

Post # 15
Member
342 posts
Helper bee

@Sweetjennygirl:  That was my thinking too. I specifically wanted someone who understood divorce and raising children. It didn’t work out that way for me… My SO has never been married and doesn’t have children (I have 2 children. Age 9 and 6). What helped, was that in his prior relationship, she had a child that he helped raise from age 4 to 12.  

I think it helps that only one of us has children, that way, we only have one set of schedules to work around (their dad has 50% custody). I am absolutely adamant that we CANNOT live together until we are married, and if he spends the night (currently we are LDR, and only see each other every 3-5 weeks), he is to sleep on the couch. Trying to instill some serious morals in my children.  

Post # 16
Member
901 posts
Busy bee

I never considered dating men with children. It was one of my dealbreakers. I just know myself and know I wouldn’t be able to deal with it.

I have girlfriends who are single moms and they all find it much easier to date dads. 

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