(Closed) Dating/Marrying someone half your age?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
Member
2358 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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@Miss Mauverick:  Yes, this right here is the point I was trying to make. 🙂

 

Post # 48
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@sunelake27:  Half my age would be about 13 years old! If I was dating someone twice my age they’d be 50. My father is 55. I can’t see myself having anything in common with someone that old. I also feel like I’d be constantly justifying my relationship to people and explaining that I’m not a gold digger.

I’m six years younger than DH, but I think the difference in maturity and life experience between a 25 year old woman and 31 year old man is not that huge. The only time it’s weird is when I think about the fact that he graduated high school the year I finished primary school.

Post # 49
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

FI’s friend is 24 and dating someone who is either 44 or 47. I was a liiiittle shocked to hear that, but I don’t judge harshly because my dad was 19 years younger than my stepmom, and they were together 20+ years. They are both gone now, but I believe they would’ve spent many more years together if not for cancer. It’s just weird to see someone a year younger than me dating someone older than my mom.

Post # 50
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee

Blech, I could never marry someone who was half my age.. For one, I always think “What’s wrong with that person that they can’t find someone their own age?”

Post # 51
Hostess
8573 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Oh, and I also didn’t mention that my mom is always complaining to me that she thinks her 18-year younger husband will leave her for a younger woman. He is currently 30, so they’ve been together 12 years now.. and she didn’t really seem to be bothered by it back then, but now that she’s almost 50, it’s been coming up ALOT more.

He hasn’t really done anything to make her feel this way, she’s just super insecure and realizes that the chance of him finding someone closer to his age is an actual possibility.

Post # 52
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@BrideDJ:  It’s nice seeing someone on WB in a somewhat similar situation as me. My Fiance is 30 years older than me. Just like you, I get asked if he’s my dad once in a while, but just say no. For the most part, though, no one cares or gives us a second look. People see that we’re happy together and get along so well. I fully realize that there’s a good chance later on that I’ll be taking care of him and will be widowed early, but that’s not enough to make me let go of this wonderful relationship we have now.

Post # 53
Member
463 posts
Helper bee

My SO is twice my age. No one IRL has been an ass about it or presumed he’s my dad or anything. I never thought I would end up with a different-aged guy, but he’s twice as great as any other guy I’ve met, of any age.

I always fear threads like this though because people are unbelievably cruel about it. For some reason this is like the one relationship that it’s still OK to be totally prejudiced and awful about.

Yes it sucks that he will probably die way before I do. But how many of you would break up with your SO if he had a heart condition that would cause him to die around age 50?

As far as interests, I actually think we have it better than same-aged couples. I like being able to compare experiences with him and use our different perspectives to critique past and present cultural trends. Neither of us like things just because we grew up with them, that’s a lame concept of taste. But both of us have introduced each other to legitimately cool things we probably wouldn’t have known about otherwise.

Post # 54
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@4cube:  Love your response. I find it funny that there’s such a huge community here, but things like this lead to fights and so much judgement.

Post # 54
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

The attraction between them is possibly due to her age and his marital situation.

Maybe your friend doesn’t want commitment and the married man can’t offer it either, so it may seem okay to them if that is where they are at, at this point in time. It doesn’t make it right: she may understand when she is married or deeply in love: how it would feel if she found out the husband she loved enough to marry was dating some young girl behind her back.

I would say it’s that part that shocks more (going after/responding to a weak-willed married man), than the fact she is younger, or he is older.

If someone seeks maturity in another, they may go for someone older. Someone older will probably be settled in their career and be comfortable with who they are, so you know what you’re going to get…

…apart from those married men who are going through the midlife crisis. It usually entails young women, affairs, weakness of character, fast cars, irresponsibility.

An older unmarried person may therefore be of more interest to those who admire maturity. But I doubt they are seeking maturity, as it does not seem particularly responsible to undertake this new relationship when everything is at stake, including his/her place in the community and what his children would think of him.

Therefore I imagine he fits into the midlife crisis category, as he is not really acting maturely.

All he can offer your friend is the alleged “thrill” of accessing something forbidden (another’s marriage), a varied sex-life (her here, the wife there) and he can momentarily re-live his youth in a non-commital environment, until the wife finds out.

In summary, some older people will attract younger people because the older people are responsible, mature, settled in their ways, established in their career and the younger people look up to this (perhaps the younger person who admires these qualities in someone is themselves more mature than their own generation)

Meanwhile others will attract older, irresponsible people for the opposite reason.

Then, there are the innocent people, who fall for the wreckless older person, believing it is Love also for the older person who ends up just wanting fun and breaks the heart of the other as they will never leave their wife. 

We can’t control who we fall in love with, but in an ideal world, it is better to respect those very definite boundaries (such as another’s marriage) to avoid wreaking havoc and creating a ripple effect on the lives of many. 

Otherwise, why wear a ring, if in your mind you are Single?

Post # 55
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think it is necessarily wrong to go for someone older, if you feel you are more mature than your own generation. You are just seeking a similar mindset to yourself or stage of life.

If you are not on the same level, it might not last, because you have different attitudes.. and this can be a prob even be between two people who are the same age, because one is on a different level ! So age is not everything.

If you go for someone younger, you might not want commitment (the above married man’s case.)

If you find someone on your level, you can’t help what age they are.

It is everyone’s personal choice and in itself is not a prob.

If by staying away you can avoid the ripple effect on others’ lives as it involves breaking up a marriage, it may be better to do so, unless they quickly ‘wrap things up’ in their life to publically make way for you, if they want you in it.. and the relship is not one of secrecy. But the secrecy is what actually appeals to some people.

Post # 56
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

 

sunelake27:  Why not?  John Derek (49) married Bo Derek (20) and their marriage lasted 22 years until his death.

 

Post # 57
Member
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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sunelake27:  in my opinion (I hope I don’t get slammed for saying this), but a huge age difference *usually* involves one of two things; emotional immaturity or money. 

Post # 58
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

As long as they are old enough to give consent (the age differs in different places) then good for them.  My Fiance is older than me, but not ‘twice my age’ older.  

Post # 59
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My stepfather is 12 years older than my mother and they have a ton in common. They both love sports, raised daughters, enjoy traveling together, and seem to have a lot of fun. I’m thrilled for them and they seem very happy. I don’t think the age gap matters so much as having things in common and that you both enjoy doing.

Post # 60
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Well Fiance isn’t ‘twice my age’ but he is 20 years older (I’m in my 30’s, he’s in his 50’s) and we’ve been together over 9 years, getting married in 2015.

We laugh at all the ridiculous stereotypes: that people would think I was only after him for his money (if only) and that I was just some sort of trophy wife (I wish!)…that he was going through a mid life crisis and would get over it in a few months (he used to respond to that with ‘well i may be midlife but what’s the crisis?’ lol) or that I had freudian ‘daddy’ issues haha. Seriously people?

I certainly never set out to be with someone so much older and Fiance never dreamt he would fall for someone so much younger but it really is true that you can’t help who you fall in love with and I wouldn’t change what we have for anything! We’re both consenting adults who get on brilliantly and have lots in common: we both have good jobs which has allowed us to build a great home together and travel extensively; we have similar views on politics/current affairs/our future etc; and there is certainly no ‘manipulation’ or power struggle going on…we are equals in every way!

Everyone who knows us personally is completely supportive of us…our families can see how happy we make each other and, if we’re not harming anyone, why should our relationship cause concern for people who’ve never even met us?

 

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