(Closed) Dating/Marrying someone half your age?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 1969

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sunelake27:  love is infinite. better younger and older tjan to a liar a cheat an abuser or a killer. look at the positive aspect of love rather than your fear in personal judgement

Post # 62
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1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

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4cube:  I think you’re right about people’s judgy responses to age. Race, ethnicity, sexual orientation and gender are off limits for any decent, educated person to make cruel comments about in 2014 but age is still the topic of both mean and well-meant jokes. I think it’s because many of us are afraid of aging and our mortality. It’s not being “prejudiced” to prefer one age or another for a partner but In My Humble Opinion, it would be really a loss (and rather old fashioned/ even backwards) for two people if they ruled out a romance mostly or solely due to chronoligical age! 

Post # 63
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1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

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boogiewoogies:  That is so sweet to hear about your stepmom and your dad’s happy relationship and I’m sorry about the cancer. I have a friend from my first job who married a 44 year old woman with five children when he was 28. They were very happy until she passed from breast cancer three years ago. He would not have ever passed up this woman, even when she got sick and left him a widower. (And think of the sweetness they would still have had it not been for a cancer that many women survive but which can kill a still young woman in her 40s.

Post # 64
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

My aunt and uncle are 18 years apart and have been happily married for over 30 years. My best friend is dating a man who is around 14 years older than her and he is super attentive and wonderful to her. Age matters very little in comparison to maturity levels/being on the same page. So long as you want the same things, you’re golden! Good luck to you!

Post # 65
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I am seeing a man that is half my age.  We meld together so well.  I love him and he loves me. People accept interracial marriage and now gay marriage but society will never be okay with a woman being twice the age of the man especially when the man is still under 30.  What am I to do?  I cannot have kids for him so that’s a drawback. He is so beautiful that I want the world to have his children in it. My family would never be okay with this especially my kids with one of them being only one year shy of his age.  I am totally lost. for now our relationship is on the down low but he says in the next year our life is going to change and “everything is on the table”. 

Post # 66
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

I will not date a man much younger than me. Shucks, beyond 2 years would be pushing it. But, thats for a few personal reasons based on my personal beliefs. However, I would probably date a guy 10 years older or so. However, that’s my limit. 

Post # 67
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Not sure

About 5 1/2 years ago, I was 30 and was dating someone who was 52. I found him so attractive. I was pretty head over heels infatuated with him, honestly. We had a lot in common, seriously. I always loved classic rock, so the music tastes we in line. We did the same thing for a living. Our personalities were fairly similar. As far as the relationship goes, we complemented each other well. It did, however go sour because he had an ex live in gf that he was trying to get out of his house. It was a nightmare. I know for a fact that he was trying, but the girl was straight up crazy… She started stalking me. She lined the house with garlic. Yeah, crazy. Obviously, it was far too much drama for me to get involved with someone like this! It was her! Lol! But yeah, this had nothing to do with the age. Bwa ha ha! Only the crazy things happen to me! So in short, if the older person never married, that’s the one thing that might be a red flag… Not just age.

Post # 68
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Not sure

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katieb12:  Don’t worry, bee. It is a sad thing that not every person can accept it. You shouldn’t feel the need to hide your relationship or feel the need for it to be justified for others. Love is a beautiful thing. Age is meaningless. You can’t even say “Well it’s inevitable that the older person is not going to be around as long”. My best friend recently passed away at age 34. We have no clue how long we have on this Earth. I’m very sorry you feel like your love should be hidden or you feel others will shun you. XO bee. The love that anyone shares for another human being is always beautiful. There’s only a few exceptions of course and they have nothing to do with race, age, same sex etc. I’m not going down the road of explaining “wrong love” if you catch my drift.

Post # 69
Member
4212 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

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sunelake27:  My fiance is 20 years older than me and I don’t think of his age much. Our personalities complement each other, and that balance is so important. He looks much younger as he eats well and works out more than I ever would desire to, so that helps a lot. I really only think of his age when we talk about his life experiences, as he’s a wealth of knowledge, and when I think about having children, because he’ll be an older father. But he’s the love of my life and that’s just the way it is 🙂 

Post # 70
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

One of nature’s tricks is the way men and women age and mature in opposite fashion. This actually lends validity to the older man/younger woman paradigm, as well as the older woman/younger man formula. Here’s why: 

Young women seek emotional attachment, deep relationship and family building. Young men also marry and create families together with these lovely young women. But they also have a mindset to conquer the world, forge a career, etc. While they connect with young women and can certainly be attentive, they have other thoughts dominating their minds and behavior. Once a man ages he re-evaluates his life. He craves emotional connection, feeling (in the wisdom of his maturity) that he has missed out on all the important things in life. His desire to find an upward trajectory in life has mellowed and he now wants to establish those emotional connections fully, before it is too late. He is well primed to connect with younger women, who are seeking some stability, some maturity, and some depth to the intimate, interpersonal relationship.

Meanwhile, many women who have chosen to raise their children and dedicate their lives to the family start to face an increasingly empty nest as their children grow and venture out into the world. Oftentimes, faced with this extra time on their hands they turn their attention to what they may have missed before. And that is the development of careers, the fulfillment of following an external path in the world, having a different kind of impact with their lives. They may also seek to live it up a little more, and will inevitably have more contact with younger men in the workplace, and be in a place mentally and emotionally where they can connect with and relate to where these men are at in their lives.

Of course, these are generalities and it certainly isn’t always the case. But for those who have chosen a traditional path toward family and lived their lives within the nuclear family context, there is a lot of truth to the way this plays out. It is not just about sex, and ego, and trophies, and the base images that people shallowly assume. It really all comes back to emotional connection and who is ready to connect in the different ways at different times in their lives.

My fiance is 16 years younger than me (I’m 46 and she is 30) and we have a wonderful relationship. She is mature and seeking the love and affection and tenderness that I have to offer, and I have learned much from her about joy, love, life, and togetherness.

In the end, every couple is different and has to find their way on their own terms. No one else’s opinion is relevant. And, as the saying goes: Those who matter don’t mind. And those who mind don’t matter. And that is as it should be.

Post # 71
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

Not me, but a friend of mine started dating a man in his late 40’s (she was early 20’s). They were married within a year, she was pregnant either during the wedding or very shortly after. She seems happy, I always thought she was an old soul. They’ve got a few kids and she had the luxury of missing the early financially struggling years because he’s gainfully employed.

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