- Wedding: July 1998 - City, State
Oh my, I didnt realize there would be so many responses. Thank you everyone for the comments. I have read each of them. Some of you may have hit on something, mourning the first baby. I perhaps didnt realize it. I actually struggled with her giving the baby up because it felt like a piece of my soul ripped out. The only person I ever told was my husband so we didnt put that burden on her. The adoption is open, our daughter can see the baby anytime she wishes. The adoptive parents have given her a lot of leeway in their appreciation for her generosity with giving them a baby. We see the little girl quite often.
My daughter has only been seeing this guy for about 6 months. They are in the butterfly and rainbows phase of the relationship. I worry that when it comes down to it, he will be off to never never land. One other point I would like to make and this is what worries my husband and I most of all. Is our daughter makes impulsive decisions.
Like the decision to get a dog. She comes home after being gone for three days with a puppy. This isnt some little puppy, its a great dane/ black lab mix. She was deeply madly in love with it. She cared for it, but then her friends would call and she would be out the door. The dog by this time was bonded to her and cry incessantly for her. It wouldnt stop crying until she came back, but when she came back for a couple of days the dog didnt matter anymore. She loved the idea of getting a dog, but she doesnt put in the hard work and when the dog got to much for her to handle she just left her.
So we sat her down and told her that the dog was unhappy and it needed a home where she could either roam, or be with someone who was active and athletic so that the dog could get some serious exercise. We have a large home and large yard but this dog has major anxiety issues since my daughter left her. She ate the siding off our gardening shed.
Im sure your all wondering why I am going on about a dog. 1.) Last week when she stopped in for a visit I asked her when and if she was going to take the dog. She just sort of rolled her eyes and gives the same answer, “I dont have time for her and his mom doesnt like dogs.”
2.) Our daughter has always sort of been like this. I didnt see it at first. She gets really excited about something, want want want, but then when it requires hard work, her interest peters out and she is on to something new. Example: She got offered a position with a friend of mine who owns a resort. My daughter has an upbeat personality and is beautiful to boot so my friend thought she would be great in guest services, i.e directing guest to activities, calling and arranging local water sport activities at the beach. My daughter was thrilled to have an amazing job that played to her strengths. Then two weeks into it, my friend calls and says daughter is suppose to be there for work. I go to her room and she doesnt want to go to work that day. She doesnt feel like it. She wants to sleep in. Later that day she tells me that she doesnt get any time with her friends. The job was only 5 hours a day. She quit without notice and I will say that I was a bit upset and ashamed at how she treated the opportunity. I told her so.
I suppose thats my greatest concern with this baby, is that its a novelty right now. She is thrilled in an abstract sort of way, except babies arent novelties and when you lose interest you cant walk away from this.
I know I need to have a conversation with her. I know that I need to be supportive of the baby, but I need to have boundaries as well. I just havent figured out what to say to her. I did tell her that babies are immensely hard work. You cant sleep in when they cry and need attention, and that its going to cut into her friend time. My other concern is the friends she keeps. She has already been in two car wrecks this year. Passenger in both where both the drivers were driving under the influence and crashed. One of them with the father of the baby.
Im am terrified for her. Every single day I worry that Im going to get a phone call from a hospital that something has happened to her. When she was in both these crashes we didnt hear about it until weeks later when our other daughter heard about it from people and told us.
As for our other daughter she hasnt said much about her sister. They arent close anymore. Its sort of like our oldest just forgot about her. We try very hard to give her attention and succeed in doing it. We attend her sporting events, (she plays volleyball and soccer), she is also heading to college to get a degree to in special education.
Sorry for the long update.