(Closed) Daughter might be a pathological liar. Help

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 32
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Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@TexasSpringBride:  Maybe get a second opinion/different therapist?

Post # 33
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Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@TexasSpringBride:  Don’t have her “write” to someone. Have her right a report of everything that happend. Every lie. Every day. Every single time. If she tells one or two lies every day. That’s a lot of lying and a lot of writing. If she is spending all of her time writing her lies, maybe she will think twice before doing it again.

 

Maybe put a desk in an obnoxious place (kind of like a time out_ where she goes and writes these “reports”. And I still think you should show them to the therapist. Her own thoughts instead of a forced apology may be more enlightening to other issues.

Post # 34
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Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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@TexasSpringBride:  Just read your reply 🙁 I am so sorry you are going through this. Honestly I have no idea what to tell you, the journal sounds like a good idea, so does the letter writing to apologize. I think maybe ignoring her for a set period of time as a punishment might work, but it kind of seems like you have to be in a trial and error situation here. 

Does she handle other emotions well? Is she manipulative? These might be things to bring up with her therapist. I ask because she is older (My lying stage was around 7 or 8) and if she is very manipulative (which she sounds like) you might want to start considering other diagnoses, I am not a psychiatrist/psychologist and have no true training in any of this besides a few courses at college and tv and movies but if she were older (18 for example) I would consider sociopath or histrionic personality or borderline personality disorders. I know people with all of these and they display similar behavioral patterns but they of course are much older

Post # 35
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Bumble bee

Are there any “medium” and “long” term goals?   It seems like the clock resets on the goals thing after a week.  I know that right now she’s not even getting through a week without the lies. 

Can there be bigger rewards for longer term good behavior in addition to the weekly goals?  

Post # 36
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Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

i like 

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@harperlynn: ‘s idea about having to write a journal. also, can the school downplay their reaction to her lies while she’s in front of them and then investigate without her knowing? if they can do what 
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@minipenguin:  suggested about not taking her seriously (in front of her), that might help because she’ll think she’s not getting the reaction she wants. they can call you and ask you about the lie she told. i’m sure there are ways to investigate without her being involved/knowing. i think you guys should also take that route at home. i get what the therapist is saying but at this point, i think she’s getting too much attention. she’s getting exactly what she wants from everyone and i really think the only way to make it stop is to stop giving her what she wants. i’m not saying ignore her but stop playing into her behavior. she’ll probably get worse for awhile but when she realizes that nobody is giving in to her, she’ll figure out to stop.

 

eta- it took me too long to write my post! i saw your updates but i still stand behind my opinion that she’s getting too much attention. maybe you guys should try a different therapist and also a child psychiatrist. it’s possible to have mental disorders as a child. this sounds like more than abandonment issues.

 

Post # 38
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1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I was a nanny to a girl who’s mother died from a drup overdose. She was the exact same age and very hard to handle. Granted she wasnt that hard with me, but she was constantly in trouble with her school and family.

In the end I felt SO bad for her. Her family started taking away everything in her room (she literally was left with a bed and empty bookshelf), they took away all her extra activities and I thought that her step mom took away her affection. (not that I think this is what you are doing)

Now I never wanted to judge the mom because I wasnt in her shoes and this girl was very hard to handle BUT the girl was acting out even more because her stepmom wasnt showing her enough love and attention and the other two siblings (who were over achiviers ) got all that positive affection (because even if the did something midly bad, it was still WAY better than this girls actions)  

I agree she is too old to be spanked (i think at that age it is too degrading and also the kids dont take it seriously) and I think you should keep punishing her.

But even though it sounds weird, I would show her positive attention. Even more than usual. The other kids are getting it when they are good, right?  So even though she may go from grounding to grounding, take her out one on one. Put her in more activities until she finds something she is really good at. Spend some Mom time with her. And dont let your anger and frustration show during these times, dont even mention her lying. Soon she will value that attention more than her bad behaviour.

And keep her in therapy.

Hope her behaviour changes soon!

Post # 40
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Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@calibee79:  +1 I was thinking that too. She is getting a lot of positive attention. And I feel like she is taking advantage of it. I mean the treats…he is 11 not 6. I think she should wait longer. If she gets a treat one week, then lies the next, then she only has to wait another 7 days for another “treat”. What does that teach her, wait a couple days and you will get a redo?

Post # 41
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Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@TexasSpringBride:  Just curious, what does her IEP say for the reason for the 1-on-1?  Does she have a learning disability, too?

Post # 42
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1744 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe she gets to go to Disney.  And gets to do a few of the activities, but not all of them unless she earns them with good behavior?

Post # 43
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3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@harperlynn:  I imagine the treats are related to doing chores, not the lying.  Maybe that should be something that’s taken away?  It seems like she’s getting chance after chance and copious amounts of attention.  

Post # 45
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1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@TexasSpringBride:  Then take her things. Box them up. And I mean her whole room. Take her door. Give her nothing. Put her on lock down. Don’t give her treats.

 

If she is getting physical with other people, than this has already escalated too far. She is taking advantage of you, the therapist, the school, everyone. I think in this case you should take her on a tour of juvi. Usually they lock you in a cell for a couple minutes so you know how it feels. Or an alternative school.

 

She can have nothing until she obeys you. Whether that is writing down all her errors, or getting any attention at all. 

Post # 46
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2777 posts
Sugar bee

@TexasSpringBride:  I agree that she is too old to be spanked but even so, the kids has issues already and spanking her will only make it worse. You need to punish her and if taking away her things doesn’t work (obviously) take away priviledges. No tv, no radio etc. sit in your room and do nothing because you have nothing to do. She will hate it and start to think about what she needs to do to get her crap back, I.e not lie. She should continue to see a therapist though I couldn’t call her a pathological liar, she knows what she’s doing.

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