(Closed) Daughter might be a pathological liar. Help

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 62
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

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@minipenguin:  +1

 

 

Post # 64
Member
947 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Wow. When I first read the subject line of your post, I thought to myself that perhaps she was telling fanciful tales, but this is really serious!

 

I was very lonely around that age, and picked on a lot at school for being nerdy and overweight, and I would come home and tell my parents that I had lots of friends and was really getting along with everyone, and I would make up stories about how great my imaginary friends at school were. They began to wonder why no playdates were happening, lol.

 

Point is, I don’t think behavior is cropping up out of nowhere. I used to do it out of sheer loneliness and wishing my life was different. It sounds like she’s doing it for the attention. Ask yourself why she is so needy for this sort of attention, specifically from grown-ups.

 

 

 

Post # 65
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1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@nonapkns:  NOW that is funny. I wonder if that would work?

Post # 66
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348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@TexasSpringBride:  

My sister was awful as a child (still is as an adult, but that’s a different story) and withholding things never worked with her. When we were teenagers she managed to find the money I was saving for prom & stole all of it. My mom literally took everything of hers out of the room–it was empty & my sister did not give a flying fig. I would have been hysterical, but it didn’t phase her at all. I honestly don’t think that witholding things works for kids that have bigger issues.

 

What if you just ignore her lies instead of giving her positive or negative attention for them? Like when she told you about the family members doing something wrong, what if you just said, “Okay. That’s good to know. I’m sure their parent will handle it so it’s none of our concern. I’m going to start making dinner now?” With the school thing you could say, “Well. There’s nothing we can do about it so there’s no point in worrying about it.  What’s on TV tonight?”  If she gets no reaction, maybe she’ll realize lying is not getting her the attention she craves.  I’d also talk to her school about it & let them know that you’d like them to try that too (and let them know that if they really are concerned about something she says to contact you or your DH without making her aware of it).

 

Good luck. It sounds like a really stressful situation for your family.

Post # 67
Member
2747 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@nonapkns:  This is probably the worst advice ever but it made me chuckle…. Tell her she is going to Disneyland and then tell her it was all a lie 🙂

^ If she feels no remorse, I really would consider this.  As a one time thing.

Post # 69
Member
6738 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@TexasSpringBride:  And where is that friend now?  Still friends with her?  What about the other friends that aren’t friends with her because of her lies? 

I would make her apologize to the sub in person AND to the sub’s family. 

But maybe what a PP suggested about a ton of positive reinforcement and ignoring the negative would be better?  Ugh, IDK.  But, while I’m definitely not against spanking, I really don’t think it’ll help in this case. 

Post # 71
Member
6738 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@TexasSpringBride:  Is this the same daugher you posted about a few months ago that got assaulted at her school??  I think that was you..?

Post # 73
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If I’m not mistaken you wrote a post about her before? Sorry if I’m mistaken. It sounds that she’s become very trusting of you. Has she gotton any better with making up lies about the other kids? I guess what sounds the most strange to me, is the accusations she’s saying about her teachers. One would think that all the one on one time she’s having with her teachers that she would want to bond with them. Has the therapist said anything about her possibly doing this to push them away herself since the therapist has said it’s from being left by her own mom? Is she making lies up about you and your FH to her school?

You have so much patience. I can’t imagine how hard this is on you and your FH. But really, after all of this, you guys can make it through anything! Keep your chin up, you’ve been doing a great job. I can’t imagine how hard it is, but you’ve come this far so far.

Post # 74
Member
6738 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@TexasSpringBride:  Oh wow, that’s awesome.  Does the younger one attend these events?  Maybe the younger one could use a “cause” to fight for.  IDK.. I’m sorry you’re going through this 🙁

Post # 76
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I know you are probably wary of seeing a new therapist, but i think that’s really your only option. I agree with one of the pp that this sounds a lot like a problem that my friend is having with an adopted child with an attachment disorder. What you are doing isn’t working, the therapists suggestions aren’t working, time to see someone new. See if you can find a specialist. Good luck! 

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