(Closed) Daughter might be a pathological liar. Help

posted 7 years ago in Parenting
Post # 108
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@TexasSpringBride:  I was spanked as a young child, but only when I did something I had been told not to that was seriously dangerous, like play with the stove or matches or cross the street alone. It certainly made a point and I didn’t do the offending act again. My dad stopped when I was 6, though. 

Have you done family therapy with you and you DH and daughter? Maybe you could outright ask her what is bothering her, why she feels the need to lie to get attention. Perhaps she needs a special activity that the three of you do together weekly. 

I also have to say that lying is something all children explore between the ages of 8-12, but her lies are hurting others and have definitely become a huge daily issue. You will have to find some kind of meaningful punishment to her. 

Post # 110
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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@TexasSpringBride: Does she communicate her hard emotions as well as her happy ones? And does she communicate her hard emotions when she’s in the middle of experiencing them? There’s a big difference between saying “I feel really sad and alone right now” or (to the teacher, potentially) “I’m mad that the you said my name wrong in class,” and saying in general, “I wish mom called me more.” You know what I mean?

Post # 112
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@TexasSpringBride:  Maybe she can deal with good emotions or bad emotions after the fact, but in the moment, she doesnt know how to deal with that icky feeling. 

Also, have you thought maybe it’s time to tell her the truth about her Mom. Is anyone else seing the irony that you are lying to her about her Mom and she is acting out by lying. I would ask her therapist and work with her to find the most appropriate way. But it seems like to an adolecsent, her intuition is tellling her that something about her relationship with her Mom isnt quite right. She just keeps getting the run around about why she isn’t visiting. So she feels even worse about herself. By telling her that her that there is something wrong with her Mother (not her), she can start to deal with the truth. 

Post # 115
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@TexasSpringBride:  OMG. How long has she been on ritalin? Why is she on ritalin, take her off of it. I was personally on stimulant drugs for 1 year as an adult. It made me insane. I used to not have anxiety, however every little thing on stimulants was magnified x1000. I started having anxiety that was so bad I would have panic attacks all the time. On top of that my friends and family told me that my personality completely changed. I couldn’t remember things. My memory was permanetly affected. I became so frustrated with everything around me I would always say I DON’T KNOW. I don’t understand, etc. 

 

Also it probably affected the dopamine levels in her brain. Which can lead to multiple other disorders. Also dopamine dysfunction is primary link to BPD. 

Post # 116
Member
1744 posts
Bumble bee

Wow. poor you.  Poor kids.  Mom is quite a piece of work, only wants them if they can bring her money. 

 

Post # 118
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@TexasSpringBride:  

“Typical ADHD medications (e.g. Ritalin) are stimulants. The effects of these medications on a person with BPD may lead to more impulsive, aggressive behaviors and heightened emotional reactivity. If the ADHD symptoms are mild, behavioral treatment without medication may be sufficient. If medication is required for the ADHD symptoms, adding an antipsychotic medication at a low dose may help offset the negative stimulant effects.” 

 

Post # 119
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Hm, it sounds like it’s time to deal with the truth. She is making up lies that she can control, and a big part of her life is totally out of her control. Her mom doesn’t want her. That hurts, terribly, and deep down she knows that a woman who hasn’t seen her in years MAY NEVER bother to see her again. I think it might be good to have family therapy with a good therapist who will help her deal with the truth of the abandonment. It’s great that you and her dad don’t talk badly of her mother, but maybe the excuses you are making for her also need to end. What about no bad-talk, but no excuses or false hopes either? 

Post # 120
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee

I have no advice, & i truly hope that things get better but one thing i can say is that you are one strong lady & this little girl is very lucky to have you. At some point, she will realise this & thank you for it.

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