Daughters both want to get married the same month

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

My family is going through this as well. My younger brother got engaged about a year before me but made zero plans in that year. I got engaged and actively started planning immediately. As soon as I chose a date, my brother and his Fiance got really upset and accused us of overshadowing them. They started to plan a wedding that was going to be in the same month and tried to get us to switch our date. Ultimately my parents supported my Fiance and I because we had actually put a deposit down and formally started making plans, whereas my brother has been all talk so far. 

i think whichever daughter started planning first should get priority. 

Post # 18
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

I agree that you have gotten sound advice here, I have two daughters and I feel my obligation (if I were in this situation) would be to make it clear that my time and money would be given equally. No matter the style of wedding. 

I am just wondering why is it such a big deal they get married the same month? I might have scrolled over that, since I just skimmed the post. But, even with out of state family traveling for my girls, no one would travel longer than 3 hours so making the trip a couple weeks apart would not be that big a deal. We actually have done it many, many times for many different family events. 

Post # 19
Member
2339 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

They are big enough to get married, do NOT get sucked into mediating between them. It will be super helpful to both couples if you could let them know the amount of your very kind monetary gift towards their wedding (I appreciate, and do should they, that this is likely to be less than it would if they were getting married years apart). As for the rest, they sort it out. Has there been a competitive dynamic between them historically?

Post # 20
Member
9580 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
momoftwogirls :  the younger one should wait and have a longer engagement. Shes only known the groom-to-be for a year, is still in college (so a practically a teenager IMO). The same month is absurd, will be such a strain on all your family. 

Post # 21
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

I’d tell them to sort it out amoungst themselves, or I will contribute nothing to either wedding financially. It seems like your oldest is being a brat, just because she has expensive taste doesn’t mean I would personally pay for more. They would be getting equal financial contributions. 

Post # 22
Member
3390 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
momoftwogirls :  after reading your younger daughter’s post, it’s pretty freaking easy. your older daughter gets married this october. you younger daughter waits at least another year. SHE’S STILL IN COLLEGE!!! at the very least, she should graduate first. if i were her mom, that would be the condition for me supporting her wedding AT ALL. must graduate, and THEN we’ll start talking wedding and support. 

Post # 23
Member
7299 posts
Busy Beekeeper

As PPs have said, if they are mature/old enough to get married then they are old enough to work this out on their own. You are only in the middle as much as you allow yourself to be. 

That said, your younger daughter has created her own post. She’s a junior in college, has no money, and has only been with this guy for a year? Having nothing to do with her sister’s wedding she needs to put the brakes on and focus establishing herself as an adult before she worries about being a bride.

Post # 24
Member
9359 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
catskillsinjune :  

“…after reading your younger daughter’s  post,…”

Has she posted somewhere on here ?   I;d love to see her  take on it – well,  on both  daughters  actually. 

Post # 26
Member
942 posts
Busy bee

Have you considered the guests? Some may not be able to attend both weddings in one month due to work/school/personal issues. I agree with giving them the same amount of financial help and let them decide from there.

Post # 27
Member
7299 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
annann91 :  It appears it’s been deleted. Basically, the younger daughter is a junior in college, engaged after knowing the guy less than a year, has no money to book anything but wants to get married in October of her Senior year of college and is mad that her older sister, who has been with her Fiance for 5 1/2 years but was engaged after has set her date in October. A lot of bees, me included, responding that this younger daughter/sister would benefit from taking an extra six months to a year to get to know this guy and do some adulting first.

Post # 28
Member
3390 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
annann91 :  I think she deleted it. Essentially she is way too young, and is upset that her older sister who got engaged after her actually has the funds to plan a wedding and has made concrete steps to do so. Younger sister only planned the same month in her mind. 

Oh and let’s not forget the charming quote, “I want the selfish attention we both deserve” 😂

Post # 29
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

View original reply
beethree :  
View original reply
catskillsinjune :  Lol! How you both managed to realize is her daughter is amazing but wow on that line! I stand with you both haha. 

Post # 30
Member
3390 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
annann91 :  oh it wasn’t hard at all. if you had read this post, and then read the daughter’s post, it was super obvious – she basically gave the exact same account as her mom did, but with even more detail (like the fact that she’s in college still, that she got engaged first but has put a hold on planning because they’re super broke and don’t have any money to actually book anything yet, etc). many of the posters who read the other board realized right away that it was the younger daughter from this woman’s post.

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