(Closed) Day after the wedding dilemma

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 19
Member
3109 posts
Sugar bee

This is a massive problem and one that you will have to discuss with him before you get married. 

 

1 .Your concerns are entirely reasonable. 

 

2.This is your wedding night and not something to be brushed aside.

 

3. He is going to make a series of promises to you and the moment he does so his priorities have to change from his parents, siblings, cousins and grandparents to you, his wife.

 

4.  Strictly no fishing.  Fishing equals zero out of ten for romance.  The wedding night too.  For goodness sake.  What is he thinking?

 

5.  And leaving you to be by yourself?  Absolutely not.

 

6.  And deciding things without telling you?

 

7.  And getting angry when you try to talk to him about it?

 

8.  And blaming you for not liking his family?

 

I have been married for 26 years and there is no way that I would allow any man, including my husband, to treat me like this. 

 

You really must discuss all this with him before your wedding.   There has got to be a series of ground rules here.  The priority is your marriage.  A good marriage takes effort and needs romance.  For him you must take centre stage.  Even if he wants to repair relationships with his father it is no good if he then damages his relationship with his wife. 

 

Make sure that you are happy with your discussion before the wedding.  Be clear that you are high maintenance and he is lucky to have you and so he better put plenty of effort into this marriage from the very moment you are married onwards.

 

The only way he should be going fishing is if he is taking you with him and if this is going to happen it is going to have to be super romantic.   For example coffee brought to you in bed, champagne on arrival at the fishing site, a shawl to wrap you up in and keep you warm, an amazing breakfast laid on (with maybe some fish if he has caught any), musicians playing in the background.  If his family are there then it is going to have to be a group of men being gallant.  Not nasty, hairy, smelly, unwashed, early morning men but the three musketeers ready to lay down their lives for a beautiful woman.  I’m getting a bit carried away here but you get the picture.  This is the only compromise you should be making.

 

Good luck – and remember, high maintenance! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 20
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

That’s awful! I assumed his relatives were the ones putting pressure on him to go. If it’s really what HE wants to do, then yeah, that’s an argument. Maybe you can get him to promise something SUPER romantic as a way of making it up to you, if he absolutey must go fishing that morning. I mean, he wants to make his new bride happy, right? Otherwise why is he marrying you?

Post # 21
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@MoopersMom:  no. Fucking. Way!!! 

Let me start out by saying that even if you were being unreasonable, him hanging up on you is so f*cked up already. And the whole issue? Yeah. No. I don’t even have any words for that. An I would consider myself a “laid back” partner when it comes to the man needing some time “off”. But this? Just no! 

I’d probably tell him that he could go and marry his dad or the fish or live in a polygamous relationship with them all. Seriously. Do not “compromise”. What is there to compromise? If you need to compromise the morning after your wedding, I wouldn’t expect anything from him for the rest if your life. 

He’s had a zillion opportunities to change things with his family and your wedding is nothing that would define their relationship. if they’ve Waite until now to change things, there’s no reason he couldn’t wait another half year. Whereas your wedding isn’t gonna happen again. Honestly,  he needs to seriously reconsider his priorities! 

I’m so sorry for you ๐Ÿ™ 

Post # 23
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@MoopersMom:  I’m glad everything worked out!  Sounds like you reeled in a keeper!

Post # 24
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

View original reply
@MoopersMom:  I’m so happy to hear this!!! My thoughts have been with you ๐Ÿ™‚ I knew he’d see the light! So glad that he does want to make you happy after all. Congrats!

Post # 25
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Glad to hear it’s all worked out for you ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 26
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Beach

If I am exactly in your situation I would be furious. But I’m in a similar situation. My mom hasnt been to Egypt (where I live) since she and my dad got divorced 15 years ago! And she is coming for my wedding (hour an ahalf away from where i live now) with her husband and her husbands family which I invited. My brother will be also flying in with his wife for the wedding. So my family suggested we stay a couple of days after the wedding in order to get to spend some time with my family before every one leaves (and my mom wont come again Im sure of that). So i had to ask Fiance if we could wait till everyone left and then go to our honeymoon and he was very understanding and was really happy that he will finally meet my mom. Although we both wanted to go straight to our honeymoon and not pay additional costs for the hotel where we live now instead of spending this money on our honeymoon alone I had to be understanding because it’s a once in a lifetime oppertunity to spend some quality time with my whole family (everyone lives in different continent). So I dont know exactly what to tell you but my point is: If it’s something that can not be done later (like spend time with his family after he spends the first day with you) then you have to try to be understanding. I know it’s very hard, considering you wont be going on your hm right away but that one day won’t really make a difference but it migt make a difference for him and his family. 

Besides maybe you could suggest to to something other than fishing and all the family and you can be part of that day. It doesnt have to be either or ๐Ÿ™‚

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