Post # 1
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
So my best friend went shopping for bridesmaid’s dresses yesterday and I wasn’t able to go, since I just made a cross country move. The two other bridesmaids went and I received a call immediately after about her decision. She let me know that she fell in love with some Monique Lhuillier dresses that were a bit more than she had wanted to ask us to spend but that she was making the call. The dresses total just over $300, after a 15% discount (because she purchased her wedding dress from this store) and before alterations. I said okay, happily knowing that I could easily find one used or a knock-off online. Today she called me saying that she needed to talk to me, and pretty much informed me that she is not okay with me purchasing anywhere other than her store for a couple of reasons. One, she is really worried that the material/cut/stitching whatever will not be the same as the other girls (she has terrible OCD so I get this, even though I know that life would go on and no one would ever notice) and two, she said it wouldn’t be fair to the other girls for me to buy it somewhere else. I asked if this had something to do with the store giving her a discount for our business and she said no, that we were the ones receiving the discount. She said she understands if I can’t pay for it right now, since I am saving/paying for my own wedding this year and am having financial trouble right now etc. and that she just wanted to make it clear so that I can decide before the deadline in 6 weeks. I don’t really know what to think. We have been there for each other through *everything* for 9 years now. She’s not nearly as close to the other two girls as we are, and on the one hand I am baffled that she would pick something so rigidly not considering my budget. With alterations and shoes we are looking at $400 just for my outfit! That’s not including flights for my FH and I, a hotel, rental car, food, etc. I feel like she and her family will look at me as a bad friend if I opt out, but isn’t this just too much? Should I suck it up and do it, or ask for a compromise? This seriously makes me so sad.
Post # 3
Member
4476 posts
Honey bee
Expensive bridesmaids dresses the party has to pay for is one of my peeves. I wouldn’t pay that much.
Post # 4
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
I will never understand expensive bridesmaid dresses. You wear it once and you aren’t even supposed to be the center of attention! If she insists you buy new from a bridal salon (which, I’m sure all three of you could find it online for cheaper), she needs to pick a more budget-friendly dress.
Post # 5
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
I would honestly and straight to the point write her an email and tell her that you love her and want to be in her wedding but simply cannot afford it, that your cap is $Xm and that she can decide what she wants to do.
Post # 6
Member
4014 posts
Honey bee
Oh hells no. Did she ask everyone their budget before looking? If she did and still chose a $300 dress,then she needs to either pay the difference or choose a less expensive dress! Or you can tell her that you just can’t swing that (I wouldn’t be able to either) and tell her that you will attend as a guest instead. Do you have a picture of it? Maybe we can help you find something similar?
The JCrew dresses I chose are $250 but are ALWAYS on sale and the girls can choose any style preloved as well if they decide. All my girls got theirs from $79-150! Their budgets were around $200
Post # 7
Member
2087 posts
Buzzing bee
I think it’s a LOT to ask… I gave my girls the freedom to choose their own bc they’re all at very different financial stages and I don’t want the dresses to match anyway. I don’t expect my friend raising 4 children on a single income or my friend struggling to pay her mortgage after a split from her Fiance to a afford the same dress as my friend who’s a nurse pulling in $75 G or my sister who makes a great income.
Being a bride doesn’t mean getting to be bridezilla and order ur friends around and make demands. That nb others me so much when I hear stories like that and like yours!
Post # 8
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
If you really want to be in this wedding, suck it up and pay for the dress, but forgo paying for her parties, bachelorette.
Personally I wouldn’t pay that much for a one-time only dress. Would you be able to wear it again as a cocktail gown?
Post # 9
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
Ugh! That’s a ton of moolah! I would be annoyed but bite the bullet with it. Hope you are giving free accommodations or a nice gift to make up for this.
Post # 10
Member
5951 posts
Bee Keeper
I said that, yes, I’d pay it, but I would not be happy about it. I think it’s pretty lame to choose something so expensive, and then not even allow someone to find their own creative solution to the cost.
I decided to have only my sister as a bridesmaid expressly to avoid these types of problems. I told her that she could wear anything she wanted. She bought a dress from a normal store and it’s gorgeous and perfectly appropriate. She has great taste, so why not let her choose what she’ll be comfortable in?
Post # 11
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
It is odd to me that she is insisting that you buy the dress from the salon. Even though she is saying that BMs are receiving the discount, it makes me think that she is getting some sort of kick back from it.
And $300 is a ridiculous amount for a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress. I tried to pick a dress that was around $100 because I knew that my girls will never wear this dress again and I felt guilty.
Post # 12
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
No way, that’s ridiculous!
Post # 13
Member
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
@sablemuse: I said yes, I would pay $300 for a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress (but that is me and it does mean your specific situation is not unfair to you).
Can she subsidize part of the cost? If she’s going to be that stringent about where you purchase the dress, she should be willing to help you out with the expenses (esp. since she knows you’re trying to save).
Does the dress look very bridemaids-y? Maybe you actually can wear it again to get full use out of it (or resell and recoup some of the costs).
Post # 14
Member
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I think you just need to be honest with her and do it as close to in person as possible, which probably means over the phone. You should tell her that you simply cannot afford to pay this much for a dress. If she chooses to stick to a dress at this pricepoint, you will have to decline being a member of the bridal party.
In the meantime, you may want to look to see if you can find something similar and syle, color, and fabric by another designer.
For my first wedding, I fell in love with a dress that was $315. My Maid/Matron of Honor was willing to go for it, but my other BMs were concerned about the cost. So, we went looking around and at another salon, we found a great dress that was very similar by Jim Helm (so still a very nice dress) for $180.
Post # 15
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
This is actually the dress. Super easy to find a knock off or something comparable, but she’s not having it. She wants the exact same dresses for each of us, and this is the one she wants. She didn’t ask about our budgets ahead of time, and to tell you the truth I didn’t think to tell her.. I didn’t think I’d need to! I couldn’t imagine it being more than $200. I’m sure I could cut the skirt to tea-length and wear it again if I had to, but I’m so frugal it’s hard for me to part with that much money without being able to justify it to myself. :/
Post # 16
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
Woah! That’s a lot of money for one dress! I can’t believe she didn’t even check with you guys first whether or not it was okay to have such an expensive dress.
To be honest, I probably wouldn’t be happy paying that much for a dress unless a) I was told well in advance, b) it was someone I’m really close to, c) I was consulted and given a say, and d) it was a dress that I really could wear again. If it didn’t tick all those boxes for me, then I would gracefully decline and say I would just have to attend as a guest.
