(Closed) Day ruiner: You want me to pay *how* much for a bridesmaid's dress??

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Would you pay $300+ for a bridesmaid's dress?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 154
    Hostess
    4996 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    @sablemuse:  I don’t think the email was that rude. I assume she brought up the gift budget because you talked about buying a gift. I think you guys are both going about this is a really polite and mature way. You just have to decide if it’s worth it or not. 

    Post # 155
    Member
    1486 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Accepting as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, you run into this possibility. While I don’t feel it’s fair, it’s her choice. Now you get to make yours. If it’s too expensive then tell her you cannot afford it, thus cannot participate. Then let her decide. You would be putting the ball in her court. You are stating fact. It’s not emotional. 

    If she really wants you standing next to her, she will figure something out. 

    Post # 156
    Member
    138 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Ugh, the part where she says you can either get that dress from that store or not be in the wedding party…ugh!  I hate when people treat their bridesmaids like dress-up dolls.  YOU should be more important than the dress.  Literally no one cares what the bridesmaids wore at a wedding.  That said, I’m a keep the peace type so I guess maybe I’d just buy the dumb dress and take her up on that  no-gift thing, write her a nice card.  On the other hand, it does kind of sound like she wants you to drop out so she doens’t have to worry about your budget anymore :/

    Post # 157
    Member
    274 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @sablemuse:  When it was time to order Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses for my girls we all sat down and decided on what their budget was – $100. We ended up finding a dress for about $180, we got small discount for me buying my bridal gown at the same store, and so the total came to $167 each with tax. I told them that I’d pay for anything over the $100 on the dress if they couldn’t afford it, so I paid the $67 for both of my Bridesmaid or Best Man. I’m not paying for their shoes or any alterations, but we already decided that since the dresses are floor length we’re going to get inexpensive nice flats that they can wear again. I’m not paying for the alterations because we simply do not have the extra money to pay for that. One of my Bridesmaid or Best Man decided to start losing a ton of weight around the same time we ordered the dresses. She’s already went down at least 4 pant sizes, and it’s not a corset back dress. We haven’t actually discussed that they would have to pay for the alterations, but at the same time I wouldn’t think she would automatically assume that I’m paying for them. I guess we’ll see how that goes, and hopefully the dress won’t look bad being altered down so much too. Undecided

    As for your situation, I personally wouldn’t pay that much. I think she should have asked all of you what your total budget was that you could each afford and go from there. Also though, pricing and how much you spend also depends on where you live and your situation. That much for a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress down here seems pretty pricey though.

    Post # 158
    Member
    33 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    It’s really unreasonable for her to make those demands of you. I bought the dresses for my bridesmaids as i knew how much they were spending to just come to the wedding and my hen party etc. i did find good deals and got them for a reallt good price, they were really grateful.

    My friends being involved is so much more important than a dress! 

    If she is a good friend then you should be able to sit down with her and explain how much financial pressure this puts on you. But you can’t wait to her bridesmaid and hope there is a way to work it out. maybe find similar dresses that all bridesmaids can go of other than you getting yours separately?

    maybe she might realise she is being an idiot. 

    Good luck 

     

    Post # 159
    Member
    271 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Lake Anna Winery

    @sablemuse:  I’m sorry this is happening to you! That’s more than what some bee’s have paid for their own wedding dress! I’d be really upset, especially because it’s a good friend!

    I’d remind her how much you are putting towards being AT her wedding and what’s more important? Plus YOU’RE getting married too?! I think it’s really selfish of her not to consider you and your budget.

    I would tell her that you can either get a knock-off dress or just be a guest, if it’s really all that much fuss over ONE dress.

    I know my bridesmaids don’t have much money, so we’re doing the mismatched thing 🙂 That way they all get something they love and will wear again and can afford.

    Post # 160
    Member
    61 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I was just asked to pay $295 before shipping and tax and before alterations and before shoes…sooo I guess I am paying over $300.  (sister’s wedding)

     

    I am asking my BMs to get J.Crew dresses, which aren’t too far away from $300, esp. if they need alterations. 

     

    I think it depends on the financial circumstances of your BMs.  If you know someone can’t afford it, you should offer to help out or float suggestions of  cheaper dresses.  I gave them some other ones I was looking at that were less, and they all came back and said they liked J.Crew better. 

    Post # 161
    Member
    16 posts
    Newbee

    Ummm. There wouldn’t even be a question. No. That is ridiculous. There is no reason for it.

     

    Post # 162
    Member
    625 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    This sucks – I am sad for you that you are in this situation.

    One of my friends had a wedding recently and we all paid for our own clothing (under $150), and the bride paid for our one friend’s clothing who had to travel from out of town…because this person is a student and not financially flexible but the bride wanted her to be in her wedding.

    I wish your friend would do something like this for you, or at least accommodate an alternative.

    If I were put in this situation, I would likely step down to avoid resenting the bride over the cost of a dress that I really don’t think is that great. There are maybe 2 people in the world that I would suck it up for, and that’s my sister and closest friend.

    It sounds like from her e-mail she has thought it through carefully and honestly would not hold it against you if you bowed out. 

    Good luck with your decision!

    Post # 163
    Member
    650 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2018

    @Atalanta:

    I agree it is not a mandatory thing.  It’s just common to bring a gift if invited to some special event especial things like weddings, birthdays, and engagement parties.  If someone says you have to bring a gift I’d be like “oh sorry I’m busy so I can’t make it” because it’s rude to ask or to tell someone to bring you a gift.  The bride just simply told her that she would rather have her come or be just a bridesmaid and if bringing a gift is what would stop her than the bride doesn’t want a gift.  Plus Sablemuse might be the type to always bring gifts and since her and the bride are close the bride would probably know that.

    Post # 164
    Member
    236 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    OP, what did you decide?

    The topic ‘Day ruiner: You want me to pay *how* much for a bridesmaid's dress??’ is closed to new replies.

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