(Closed) days after my wedding and i need to vent(things that went unplanned)

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 5
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh love. It sounds like you’re really letting it get to you! Are you happy to be married, though?!! I’m joking with you, it is hard when you invest so much time, effort and money in stuff and it doesn’t go to plan.

I would suggest in time, when you reckon you can do it without getting emotional, making an appt to talk to the venue co-ordinator to air your problem with stuff not getting done, and certainly the flower situation. I know it’s not gonna make your day any different, but you might be doing a future bride of the venue a favour! At the end of the day there’s no point a venue having a co-ordinator if brides are not happy with the service.

Have you got your pro pics yet? That should cheer you up..!

Post # 6
674 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry things didn’t go as planned. I’m a planner too, and if anything doesn’t go as planned I tend to feel terrible about it.

Of course, I realise that most of this has nothing to do with planning. Flowers dying and coordinator not doing her job properly is terrible. All I can say is that you’ll probably block the bad things out at some point and in a few years you’ll only remember the great things about your day.

Post # 7
1032 posts
Bumble bee

I am so sorry you had to deal with doing all that on the day of your wedding. ESPECIALLY since the coordinator told you you wouldn’t lift a finger. I would ask for a discounted rate… I’m sorry. I would let it go, don’t torture yourself and hold onto that forever, your guests didn’t notice and you had fun once the whole wedding began it sounds like, so focus on the good stuff!

But CONGRATULATIONS you newlywed!! I hope life with your new HUSBAND is fantastic! YEAY!!!! That is so exciting and wonderful πŸ™‚

Post # 9
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Okay, I’m going to give you the cold, hard, tough-love response:

Your wedding is over. Finito. Closed. Out of business. You CANNOT keep obsessing over this stuff because it will drive you crazy–you cannot go back in time to change it and it’s ruining your otherwise wonderful memories. And–I hate to say this, but–I guarantee you that everyone else who was at your wedding has forgotten about it by now.

I also think you should ask yourself what you are getting out of fretting over this stuff that’s over and done with because clearly you are feeding something psychologically. I mean, you know rationally that no one here is going to be sympathetic to the blue on cake server ribbons “not matching” the blue around your cake or lost boutinneres–you said yourself that you recognize it’s not really a big deal. So then the question remains, WHY are you continuing to make it a big deal–and irrationally so because there’s NO POINT in making it a big deal?

I think–and I’m saying it again, this is the tough-love response–that you’re dealing with two things: 1) the fact that weddings are sold and marketed as fantasy but they occur in reality and you are having difficulty accepting that your fantasy wasn’t reality and 2) perhaps a little bit of post-wedding blues–you suddenly have nothing to plan for AND you’re no longer the center of things and no longer at liberty to claim things to have “your way.” Perhaps fixating on this is dealing with the fact that “your way” is a fallacy.

Okay? I know that’s not easy stuff to hear and hell, maybe I’m totally wrong, but if nothing else remember this: you are married to someone you love. That’s all that should matter and I can tell you that it’s probably driving your new husband crazy that you’re appearing to value cake server ribbons above the fact that you got HIM. So instead of worrying about things in the past, celebrate your future–celebrate you and him.

Post # 10
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I totally understand why you feel disappointed. It is the most important day of your life and you had a vision that should have been easily executed by the professionals you hired and they let you down. And that is so unfortunate about your flowers, I am really sorry to hear that πŸ™

But obviously on the bright side, you’re married. The wedding may not have been perfect, but hopefully one day you can look back and laugh at how some things went wrong. Try to accept the fact that your wedding ended up how it did and there’s no do-overs and maybe you will feel a little better.

Post # 11
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

Try to focus on what was wonderful about your wedding day, today and the future with your new Husband!!  I’m sure that NONE of the guests noticed anything “wrong” with your wedding/reception.  I’m sorry that you were let down by some of the people that you had hired.

Post # 12
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Sweetie, it’s hard right after the wedding to let things go, but I’m a little over a month after and I’m getting over the fact that our officiant was 45 minutes late. Yeah, it makes me mad, but whatever, I’m married. It’ll get easier as time goes by because the only thing that truly matters is you got married. Ribbons, flowers, boutinerres don’t matter.

Post # 13
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry you’re feeling so disappointed and things didn’t go quite as planned.  I think everyone who has had a wedding can say that something didnt go quite as planned. (for me: my DOC couldnt make it at the last minute) So, sure things didnt go perfectly as planned, but I’m sure it was still beautiful, guests had a good time, and probably didn’t notice anything that went ‘wrong’. In my experience, ceremonies are ALWAYS late, and as a guest I know to expect that.  Focus on the fact that you’re married and had fun with all the loving people who were there for you on your day.  Congrats!

Post # 14
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

others have already answer in both spectrum.  It really depends on how you look at your wedding, I am sure there’s many good moments in it (although you didn’t mention any)

I hope you feel better after seeing pic, especially after seeing pro pic, ’cause usually you can’t see things that went wrong in picture and a good photographer would capture the good moments.   With that said, if you pay attention to the organza not tied in the far right corner of a picutre, it’s hard to be happy.

show us some pic later, I am sure your wedding is amazing because you put in so much! πŸ™‚

Post # 15
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think it is very sad when you plan things and they dont go according to the plan. It bothers me too. And people will keep saying it doesnt matter and you should get over it, and it hurts to hear that because the whole reason who plan a wedding and choose specific colors and ideas is because that is specifically what u want, and your allowed to be bothered and upset by people who dropped the ball and made ur day less than perfect. Having said that, I dont think you should let it upset you to the point that your crying and miserable, because sadly that wont change anything. The best thing is to look at the overall day and think of all the good things about it and not let the bad things get you down too much.

Post # 16
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

 I am sorry things went so bad for you! That sounds very stressful! I understand why you are upset! You pay people so much and then trust them to be there for you on a very special and emotional day and when they dont come through that is absolutely upsetting. I would find an online review forum and let other brides know for future reference the troubles you had with these particular vendors and then I would just try to let it go. Everytime a negative thought pops into your head counter it with a thought of one of the special moments from the day. Your wedding day is too special to remember it in such a negative way! Hope you feel better soon!

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