- 11 years ago
New poster, long time lurker…
My boyfriend of a few years and I have been discussing getting engaged and married. It’s something we really want to do. However, we have a few problems (don’t we all?)
Telling my family:
They don’t like him. My mother is a classic passive-aggressive man-hater. She lives with me as I care for her. He can’t even come over because the whole time she makes snarky comments, treats him like crap and makes him feel so unwelcome. So he won’t come over. If I even mention him she gets all “sigh-y” and starts treating me like crap too. And everyone else in the family just follows suit!! I don’t have siblings or close cousins or anything. I have mentioned in passing “when we get married”.. and she said I was just being unrealistic, that it’ll never happen and I have more brains then to get trapped. She said that she needs me to be here for her.
My best friend:
She doesn’t like him. I don’t know why. She has this habit of going hot-cold on people. I adore her, we’ve been friends forever. She’s like my sister. But she has a habit of getting jealous, and you can’t talk her out of it. If someone gets something she wants, she just gets a bad case of the green-eyed monster. I know she’d get over it, but it makes me so sad to think she wouldn’t be happy for me. She’d just make the whole thing a misery.
I’ve accidentally met once. They hate him and me for being together. It’s a race thing. I’m white trash or something like that.
I don’t understand why all of this is happening. He is the greatest guy. So supportive, kind, generous and we have such fun together. We very rarely row, and even then it’s just a raised eyebrow and turns into a laugh. We can talk about anything. I know he’s the one (well, the closest anyone can get to “the one”).
I guess my main thing is, I don’t want to get engaged. I do, but I don’t. I don’t think I could handle the fall-out. It would just break my heart to know the two other most important people in my life would just be so … unsupportive and totally not celebrate this. It breaks his heart knowing that we can’t do this too. That one of the most exciting moments of our relationship and my life would be so awesome, and then so horrifying. I’m ready to marry him, I have been for a long time.
I’ll also have a wedding to plan, and it’ll be just us two planning it as nobody will want to talk to me. My mother would HATE to be involved, she’s already said that. My bestie would just try and sabotage it (I love her, but it’s true, I’ve seen her do it to others). His family wouldn’t attend. My bestie would of course, but be miserable. She doesn’t have anything to do with my BF, she has nobody, so nobody else should either. So we’d have nobody attending unless we invited work colleagues. :/
I know you’re going to say “well, f#$k them, do it anyway”. But she’s in my house. She’s my mother. I don’t have anyone else in my life except those two. And my mother has NOBODY else.
So why am I posting? I guess any advice on how to approach this would be helpful. Some people to bounce ideas off etc. Anything would be helpful. Even just writing this has been helpful. Thank you so much for reading this.
I’m petrified he’s going to propose. Beaks my heart, cos I should be excited.