(Closed) Dealing with a difficult bride

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
801 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

You’ve already done the only thing I can think of to suggest and that is to speak plainly to her and let her know that because of your pregnancy and resultant morning sickness and low energy level, you are doing as much as you can and are happy to support her to the best of your ability but that it means you can’t do everything.  Unfortuantely, it is very hard for someone who has not been pregnant before (I am assuming this is the case for the bride) to understand what your body is dealing with not to mention the emotional toll it can take on you.

I just wanted to give you support and tell you that you seem to be going above and beyond and I hope she can see that if not now, in the very near future, and will let you know that she appreciates all you have done and are doing.

Post # 4
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Most people see the wonderwomen in the movies and think all pregnancies are peaches and cream. It is just not so. I think perhaps explaining to her as you did here that it is just too much on your body for you to handle it right now. You are very sorry, but you are doing the best that you can.

Post # 5
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Mrs. Louboutin: Just make up something about Dr’s orders saying that you physically cant, since she obviously doesnt get the message that youre sick on your own. Just say something like “I would love to join you all for a pub crawl but my Dr says that I MUST limit activity or it might cause problems for me later on, sorry”. Its not like shes going to call your OBGYN and double check. 

Post # 6
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it’s very fair of you to give her the heads up that you may not be up to a 2 day event, but I also have heard that the morning sickness/exhaustion only lasts so long and then you get back to normal levels again. Not speaking from experience, just what my friends and family have told me. So maybe don’t entirely close yourself off from the whole weekend, you never know how you’re going to feel in 2 months. On the other hand I’m not sure a pregnant lady would have much fun at a pub crawl 😉

I definitely agree that taking on more tasks is maybe not the right thing to do right now, and if you do take them on, take them on as a friend, not as an unofficial bridesmaid. You don’t want to end up resenting your friend and ruining a friendship over this. You’re being a good friend but sometimes even friendship has limits. Just have an honest talk with her and assess what you’re up to day by day 🙂

Post # 7
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011 - The Providence Biltmore

I’ve been to two bachelorette parties since becoming pregnant and they were torture. It’s not good for a pregnant woman to be walking around bars until 2am.  I was terrified that one of the drunk people dancing would fall into me or elbow me in the stomach. Especially with your morning sickness, I say just let her be mad.  She’ll understand if/when she becomes pregnant.

As for her wedding tasks I say do as much as you feel comfortable doing.  Be honest with her that it’s a lot for you to take on all these tasks while feeling sick and exhausted. If she wants to be upset with you it’s her problem. I think she’ll begin to understand after the wedding is over.

Post # 7
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011 - The Providence Biltmore

Sorry, double post.

Post # 8
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Just tell her. I was one of those l who thought pregnancy was all flowers and rainbows and women put on a show. Yeah, WAKE UP CALL! Now at 39wks, I can barely function outside the house.

Take breaks and rest up. If it’s soemthing that you can do from the couch, do it, but walking and moving and especially driving her and her mama somehwere, don’t do it. It’s too much and trust me, about 5 months, it WILL cause Braxton Hicks from overdoing it.

Post # 10
Member
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Mrs. Louboutin:  Ugh, you poor thing!  I think you are being exceptionally generous and kind with your time, especially given how poorly you are feeling!  I haven’t been in your shoes yet (hopefully soon!) but I think it is ridiculous that she is being so unreasonable.  First of all, I think the fact that you are opening your house to host a party for her on the Friday night is MORE than enough and she should be grateful to you for that.   Secondly, what friend in their right mind wants their pregnant friend to go on a bar crawl with them!?  And thirdly, why is she expecting a two day party?  Most people have a bachelorette party over the course of one evening – not an entire weekend.  

Honestly, I think maybe you should send her an email as it sounds as though communicating in person is not fully getting the point across.  Send her an email telling her that whilst you are incredibly excited about her marriage and upcoming wedding, you are physically unable to do everything she would like.  Tell her you are happy to host a party on Friday evening but you cannot attend a bar crawl on Saturday as it is not only detrimental to your health but also places your baby at risk.  How many pregnant women does she see out at bars?  Not many I would guess and there is a reason for that.  

If she can’t accept that, she is maybe not the kind of friend you need in your life right now.  Anyone with a shred of compassion and maturity would understand that a pregnant woman needs to prioritise her health and the health of her baby, which unfortunately in this case, does not include going out on full day pub crawls.  

Hoping you start feeling better soon! 

Post # 11
Member
7385 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Ree723: THIS! I can’t believe she would ask that of you. That just takes bridezilla to whole other level. I’m sorry its girls like this who gives the rational ones a bad name. I wouldn’t dare burden my pregnant friend with wedding tasks. I’m sorry, babies before weddings!

OP I hope that she really listens when you speak about this again. Please keep us updated.

Post # 12
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Can you muster up enough morning sickness to puke on her shoes a little? Then maybe she won’t be so ticked if you can’t be around quite so much…

In all seriousness though, I’m sorry she’s being such a pain in the bouquet to deal with. It’s rude of her to even task you with things like planning a bachelorette party. That type of thing is supposed to be a graciously given gift, not something a militant bride demands others throw. I know if my BMs throw a bachelorette party, I’ll be so happy and thankful.

Is there anyway you can rustle up a few extra people to attend the Saturday thing to help her feel a little more…loved? Alternately, is it possible that you can have the people who are already planning on attending the party take care of a few things? This might take some of the stress off of you a little bit. Right now you need to be focused on the little guy or gal growing inside of you!

Post # 13
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

She “tasked” you to do the bachelorette party? BITCH!!!!!! Being that you are not in the wedding line, and you did not offer, I would back away QUICKLY! No one should tell someone to plan a party for them, it’s just rude!

I agree with a PP, tell her the DR said no-way!

Post # 14
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Do you have to go on a pub crawl? If it’s only the three of you, can you plan some other kind of activity, like going to the spa or something?  

Post # 15
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I totally feel for you. As someone who always thought pregnant people were melodramatic whiners (until I was pregnant), I have no advice other than she will never really get it until she gets pregnant. You are doing more than enough by hosting the party on the Friday night, and I can think of nothing worse than being pregnant and going to a pub crawl so you’re just going to have to be firm and skip it.

My best friend got married last year, and three bridesmaids (me included) were just finishing the firt trimester. The bachelorette party was awful but I did my best to smile and act like I was having a great time when really I just wanted to crawl into bed and snuggle with my vomit bag.

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