Dealing with a dramatic teen telling risky lies

posted 4 months ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
4689 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

He’s a teen and you’re making him pay for his own food? 🤔 That’s wrong. 

Post # 3
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

mel2 :  If he thinks texting his friends outright lies is appropriate than maybe he doesn’t need to have a cell phone for a while. Can you meet with his therapist and discuss a plan to combat this? I am sure they could help you come up with consequences for behavior and a strategy. Id also ask the therapist how to address other parents concerns with what your son texts his friends. I also think good old fashioned embarassment isn’t a bad way to go. Id tell your son that if he wants to text his friends extreme exaggerations that are making parents concerned? Well if he keeps that up you are going to be forced to contact all his friends parents and inform them that he is currently struggling with telling the truth etc. 

Post # 4
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

lifeisbeeutiful :  Read a little harder. He doesn’t have to pay for his own food. He is choosing to go to work and not bring a lunch from home (where there is plenty of free food for him) and is then wanting to purchase food but doens’t have the money. He isn’t being deprived of food, he is making bad choices. 

Post # 5
Member
7751 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have a dramatic teen as well. I think it’s a teen thing to complain to friends about how awful your parents are. If you keep a well stocked fridge he could bring a lunch/snack- so there is no reason to give him money. I had to have a come to Jesus meeting with my daughter about crying wolf and not being believed in the future. 16 is old enough for a little tough love, and he won’t starve from not eating on his work break. 

Post # 6
Member
2152 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

lifeisbeeutiful :  OP said he could pack a lunch before going to work. But it sounds like OPs son is not doing that and instead he’s going to work without food or money (b/c he’s not saving) and expecting mom to pay for his lunch which. It’s not wrong, it’s good parenting

Post # 7
Member
4689 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

ladyjane123 :  I read it fine. 

Work is a 34-40 min walk and it was late at night, lunch is typically 30min long so it is unrealistic to expect him to walk 35min to and back from work to eat. How many hours is he working? Could he just be unorganized? Can you help him prepare for work with reminding him to bring food every shift? He probably was hungry. Could this “forgetfulness” or neediness be a sign of needing more attention? 

Post # 9
Member
2024 posts
Buzzing bee

lifeisbeeutiful :  I mean– in 2 years presumably he will be having to pay for his own everything. Just because they’re under 18 doesn’t mean you have to fund every little thing, he was free to pack a lunch from home (free), walk home for lunch (also free), call a friend to pick him up and drive him home for lunch (potentially also free, minus gas money)… he had options that he chose not to exercise. He also had poor planning on his part. Had he planned ahead, he could have packed food and this would be a non-issue.

OP– If I were you, and depending on what your rules are regarding spending a ton of money on eating out (for example; as a teen my parents would give me $$ occasionally, but by 16 if I wanted to do anything outside of the normal family mealtime, it was on my dime or I could eat at home– they weren’t going to fund every meal out with friends just ’cause).. I wouldn’t “do” anything besides explain to him he had options, he chose poorly and next time to think about things in advance. 

As far as the dramatics– sounds like he is in counseling, or was. He’ll learn quickly in life that lying or bending the truth to gain sympathy is basically no better than being a con artist. I’m sure you could explain it to him, but unfortunately, I think the best way for him to learn these things will be trial and error. Teens are nororious for dramatics– so this may just have to be ridden out until he matures

Post # 10
Member
4689 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

mel2 :  of he’s working and going to school I don’t think him buying a $25 pizza, for himself is a big deal, even if he ran out of money after. His performance at school is more important.

Post # 11
Member
1215 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Idk I guess I think he’s pretty harmless. Being moody and ungrateful is pretty typical for his age. Even teens with perfect parents will complain about how unfair they are. Everything is unfair when you’re 16. 

I wouldn’t care at all about what he complains to his friends about.  It’s just a phase, how does he do in school? He’s obviously responsible enough to keep a job too. Actions have consequences, if he can’t bother to pack his own lunch for work then he will be hungry. 

Post # 12
Member
9729 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I just want to know what sort of an area you guys live in that it doesn’t worry you to have him walk 40mins home/to work. Maybe I’m over protective and read too many true crime articles but I feel like that could be inviting trouble. Would you let him walk that far alone if he was a 16 year old girl?

I know it’s not the point of the post but that made me worry.

Post # 13
Member
1215 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think youre expectations are too high right now. Bitching and exaggerating to his friends about his parents are not “risky lies”. Compared to the trouble and lies he could be getting into, this seems pretty mild. 

Post # 14
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

 

Do not budge on the money. He needs to learn how to budget correctly. When I was 16 and working I had to buy my own lunches, or pack them from home. It’s not abuse or being too strict. If he doesn’t learn how to manage money now he may end up making some pretty stupid money decisions as an adult. 

I also second the idea of taking away the phone if these texts do not stop. Those are outright lies that can be pretty damaging. Sorry, but you do not have a strong foundation of respect and communication if he’s texting those type of things whenever he feels slighted. You may think it’s typical teen venting, but in today’s society, if a parent sees those texts and believes them you could be facing a visit from CPS. 

Post # 15
Member
2152 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

lifeisbeeutiful :  You have a history of snap rude judgments/comments for no reason or from not reading. OP’s son had a 3.5 hr break between shifts. In this scenario, OP told him he could walk which would not be ideal but it was possible. OP has reminded her son that he should and could pack a lunch. He hadn’t in this case. Someone isn’t going to starve from missing 1 meal either. 

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