Okay, the fun little tidbit about withholding/rewarding with sex aside because I’m sure everyone else has touched on how bad an idea that is already ….
I am the messy one, but very differently than your husband. I’m messy in a try-on-everything-in-my-closet-then-throw-it-on-the-floor kind of way. I keep a weekly cleaning list that rotates each day because I can’t STAND to do a once-weekly super long cleaning spree. I will just straight up not do it if I have to devote several hours to it.
So here’s my list:
Everyday: dishes, wipe counters/table, tidy up
Monday: clean sink, counters, stove; sweep/mop; organize cupboards; wipe microwave; tidy fridge
Tuesday: dust/polish living room furniture; vacuum living room; windows in living room
Wednesday: clean sink/mirrors in bathrooms; wipe down tubs; toilets; sweep/mop
Thursday: wash bedding; straighten closet/drawers; dust and vacuum bedroom
Friday: straighten bookcase/desk; dust and vacuum office; straighten linen closet; wipe off washer/dryer
Then I’ll have deep cleaning staggered every other day. So one week I’ll do alternating deeper cleaning chores (deep cleaning the freezer, rearranging the fridge or cupboards, vacuuming under couches, spot shampoo, deep clean bathroom, etc) on Monday/Wednesday/Friday, and then the next week on Tuesday/Thursday I’ll do the deep cleaning chores I didn’t do the week before. Does that make sense?
So, basically, I would put him in charge of one thing that needs to get accomplished each day. If he leaves stuff (trash and dishes and stuff) out, instead of cleaning up after him, I would gather it all into an area so he can visually see how much work he is adding to your cleaning load. And then make him take care of it 🙂 I would tell him you’re going to do this first so it doesn’t look super passive aggressive!
Also, I’d let the car thing go for now because that’s not as big a deal as the house (to me). My car is messy no matter how clean my house is. Someday I’ll stop eating/drinking in my car and it will be less messy. Someday.