(Closed) Dealing with aggressive neighbor UPDATE

posted 5 years ago in Home
Post # 2
4242 posts
Honey bee

Are you SURE they’re banging because of what you’re doing, and not just…banging on the wall for other reasons? 

Also, you were specifically told NOT to contact her, so why would you write her a note? You don’t owe her a warning, just call the cops.

Post # 3
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Agreed with PP – I don’t think there is a way to warn someone you are going to call the cops on them in a “non-confrontational” way. Just call them if that is what the management company told you to do. 

Post # 4
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

cautiously3optimistic:  Given that the advice was directly from management, I’d not contact her and just call the cops. 

Post # 7
4242 posts
Honey bee

cautiously3optimistic:  I dunno, sounds like she’s not concerned about being mean to you. Notes are usually seen as being passive aggressive, it will probably just escalate things instead of helping.

Post # 8
319 posts
Helper bee

I would not give her notice. I wouldn’t say that about a customer/tenant/client under any circumstance, so I have to think she’s really nuts for them to be so blunt about it. Do you keep track of all the times she knocks? I might start keeping a log of it so you can document how its interrupting your life.

Post # 9
390 posts
Helper bee

If somebody is “off her rocker” and you warn her she is more likely to retaliate and do something that will seriously endanger you. Absolutely do NOT warn this person, you were specifically told not to. Somebody that doesn’t understand societal norms, like it seems she doesn’t, cannot be dealt with in a normal way.

This isn’t about you being “mean”. It is not “mean” to call the police on somebody. All they do is knock, as if there is a problem, and if anything it will get it through her head to stop banging aggressively on the wall. Heck, she COULD be banging on the wall for reasons NOT related to noise like to get a rise out of you, assert dominance, whatever.

Don’t be naive, don’t ignore being directly told not to contact her, and call the police if it happens again. 

Post # 10
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

cautiously3optimistic:  I agree with pp. She sounds uh, well, its not normal behavior. As such you can’t deal with unstable people on the same level as a normal person, becuase they don’t see things the same way because their perception of reality is off. If mgmt suggests you call the police, you should follow that, because she sounds crazy enough to probably see your note as a threat or something and might retaliate. 

Post # 11
2257 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sure the police have better things to do than respond to neighbors banging on walls. That said, I would go with my boyfriend next to me, and knock on their door, and politely but firmly tell them that their banging on the wall is becoming a serious problem, and unless it stops, you’ll have to call the police. You are merely living your life normally in your apartment, and that’s just a reality of apartment life– noise! It’s hard to escape it entirely.

But I’m a confrontational person… I just had enough of people treating me like a doormat, so I confront problems head on.

Plus, you may anger your neighbor more by going to the police first.

It’s your call. But if you’re not going to do it in person, don’t write a letter. I wrote a letter to a neighbor who kept their constantly yapping dog on a leash tied to a tree in the front yard EVERY DAY, and that letter did nothing. They kept that poor thing out there. I should’ve just called the police.

Post # 12
11536 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

cautiously3optimistic:  girl. Stop. Listen to the management. Your neighbor is crazy. They told you not to confront her for a reason. 

It is not mean to take reasonable steps to protect yourself. 

Also, if she is off her rocker, she’s not going to receive a note or warning well. It will seem like a threat to her. This is not going to be helpful. 

the next time they bang, record the wall shaking and the noise on your cell. Show it to the police when you call them. Avoid interacting with this woman. 

Post # 13
7476 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think giving a warning like this (the note) is nice if the person is unaware that their actions are bothering you. Like if their dog barks when they’re gone I think it’s nice to give them fair warning so they can try to fix the situation before you involve someone else.

In this case, the woman already knows what she’s doing so I don’t think you need to give her a warning/note about it. If she really is a little off, that note might cause her to come confront you directly. I would just call the cops next time, it sounds like the HOA will back you up.

Post # 14
5531 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

crazy is crazy. Just call the cops. no warning. The next time she does it, call them and keep calling them everytime she does it. 

Post # 15
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It sounds like she has a mental illness. People with mental illnesses do not process life the same way. I have a feeling the banging has nothing to do with you specifically, but possibly taking her anger out on the wall. Don’t write her a note. She may possibly get very paranoid about that. You can call the cops and they might be able to find her some help. I would make sure she doesn’t know it was you who called. When you call, tell them what’s happening and that you think she may be mentally ill, and you don’t want them to tell her you complained. They can talk to her about the noises and banging she makes hopefully without her knowing. It is possible she bangs on other walls near other units as well.

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