(Closed) Dealing with aggressive neighbor UPDATE

posted 5 years ago in Home
Post # 17
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would not give her notice. I would simply call. If she’s off her rocker, who knows what the note could do? Id rather her go crazy when there was a police presence. 

Post # 18
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

cautiously3optimistic:  Yeah it does seem dramatic, but she is being overly dramatic banging on the walls all the dang time. There are a lot of people able to function in normal society that have mental illnesses. And if you haven’t had a lot of dealings with her, it might be really tough to figure it out. But I bet something is going on, because those without mental illnesses don’t normally bang on the walls like that. It could be a personality disorder, schizo-affective, the manic phase of bipolar, so many different things. Well she will know it was you then. You could try talking to her about it but I don’t know if that will get you anywhere. I don’t even know if calling the cops will do anything other than make her even more upset. It might make her stop, I don’t know. They can’t really do anything unless they hear the banging, and even then it’s probably some noise ordinance situation.

Post # 19
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015


cautiously3optimistic:  I agree with PeachyMama… she could very well have a mental illness like bipolar disorder and this could be a manic thing (side note: my stepdad is bipolar and does some looney things when he’s off his meds but is otherwise 100% fully functional while medicated). I wouldn’t take my chances writing this woman a note because she will not change her behavior. Start recording the banging with your phone like a PP suggested and keep a log of how often it’s happening. Since HOA told you not to contact this woman in any way, shape or form then I would just take this up with the cops and report it as a disturbance. There’s only a few things you can do in this situation and you can choose to just put up with it or handle it. Hope you figure it out!

Post # 20
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I had a similar issue before I moved into my house. The neighbors below me would blare music at all hours of the day – and it was so loud that my floors would vibrate. I finally got so sick and fed up of it all, I called the cops on them a couple of different times. They finally got the hint and stopped. The main reason I didn’t confront them is because it was an apartment of guys, and I was living on my own. Yes, they knew it was me calling, but at least I could sleep again without the awful noise vibrations.

You’re paying to live there as much as she is, and you’re entitled to comfortable living situations just like she is. I wouldn’t contact her first – she’s already violently banging on your wall with little to no provocation, what might she do if you confront her? And she’s going to see a note saying stop banging or I’m going to call the cops as threatening no matter what. I have to wonder what she’s banging the wall with if it’s so loud and violent that it startles you…

Post # 21
8963 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

cautiously3optimistic:  Maybe you could drop by the police station in person and explain to them what’s going on and what the management company said, and ask them if this is something they can help with or if they have any other ideas. They might suggest calling and having them come to your place first so they can hear how loud and obnoxious it is, and THEN they can go talk to her about it once they’ve confirmed it’s a valid noise complaint. Do you think it would last long enough to still be going on when they get there? Or maybe you could start your dishwasher or do something else that’s perfectly normal but is likely to get her started. … Just some ideas.

Post # 22
1112 posts
Bumble bee

cautiously3optimistic:  I agree with everyone else – call the police. This is their job and what they get paid for. I also suggest setting up a camera and recording for a couple days so you can get on record how often, how loud, and what you are doing during those times so you can show it’s not excessive. That eliminates a he said/she said situation. 

It’s not like she’ll be arrested, they will just speak with her and ask her to stop. But at least you would have it on record if it escalated. 

Post # 24
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wouldn’t make an ounce of effort to keep quiet for this lady. You must feel uncomfortable in your own home. 

Post # 25
2509 posts
Sugar bee

Agreed, I wouldn’t do anything out of my normal daily living. She can suck it. You’re not being disruptive and you are not contributing to her health issues. You are allowed to watch TV in your home without headphones. Maybe go ahead and be extra careful after “quiet hours” (typically 11 pm) and she can get over it or move it. Sounds like you won’t have to deal with her much longer anyway.

Post # 26
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

She prob has some disorder. DH’s exgf was at times an unmedicated bipolar. She would go into fits because Darling Husband was breathing too loud (not snoring, just sitting on the couch watching TV). So, yeah, you can be as quiet as a mouse and she will still perceive a “loud noise”.

As you can tell, nothing you do will change her perception. The best thing you can do is 1)live you life and 2) document everything. So keep a notebook of the date, time and what you were doing when she pounded on the wall. Then give that to Management. They obviously want evidence to evict her.  

Post # 27
2331 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

cautiously3optimistic:  Just call the cops…….. this is what I always tell people (I’m an officer myself), call every single time she bangs on your walls, even if it is 10 times in one night. Every time the officeRs respond, ask for a business card. When you’ve collected a good amount of those, go to management, show them the cards, tell them you did what they told you and clearly hasn’t stopped. So it is their time to figure out the next move or you are leaving. 

I’ve had to go to the same house 3, 4, 5 times in a night, believe me by the 5th time we weren’t as nice anymore. The officers will get annoyed and put your neighbor in check too. 

Dont warn her……… That may do more harm than good. Call the Police, this is what we do. 

Post # 29
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m baffled by you. Stop trying to engage her and call the police. You pay rent, you are allowed to live in your home. Why give an insane woman power over you…?

Post # 30
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

cautiously3optimistic:  Seriously just call the police. I wouldn’t have bothered with the note, but that’s because last time I tried to handle things civilly without getting the authorities involved the neighbour in question smashed my car windscreen with a hammer. Transpired he was out on license after having been in prison for three years for setting his neighbour’s flat on fire, when SHE tried to get him to shut up.

If you call the police, there is a legal record. Make sure the record of the complaint is sent to your management company, make notes of EVERYTHING, any time she knocks – and then email your management company any time she does as well, so they are notified of it happening too, and there’s a real-time log on someone else’s system, alongside your notes, to prove you didn’t just make them up after the fact. Take copies of any notes she leaves you and send them to the management company as well. The most important thing is that there is a robust trail of your notifications so if it does escalate you can say “Look, here is the full story”.


(ETA: loathe as I am to capitalise on the societal idea of a ~weak and feeble woman~, I found the police tended to respond more quickly to my calls if I emphasised that I was a woman, alone, and concerned for my safety – which clearly you are, if you’re anxious and paranoid. I’ve lived in a lot of rough areas, I’ve sort of learned to play the system a bit, and learned the value of documenting occurances)

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  chronicwhimsy.

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