(Closed) Dealing with aggressive neighbor UPDATE

posted 5 years ago in Home
Post # 31
Member
6290 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

cautiously3optimistic:  It sounds like she could have a PD, in which case engaging with her is the worst thing to do. It won’t change her behaviour, but it will give her a reaction, which is probably what she wants (NB: until I read your most recent update I was playing devil’s advocate and figured the banging could be something else; obviously that isn’t the case). I would keep the note, and next time she bangs, heed the advice of management and contact the police, also mentioning that you tried and failed to resolve things without involving them and that her response and subsequent behavior is making you frightened. I would also contact management again to inform them about the note; presumably if these units are rented they may be able to get rid of her if enough people complain/they have enough evidence (that could also be why they wanted you to call the police).

I also absolutely would not adjust my way of living. Obviously don’t be antagonistic, but don’t feel you can’t do normal things. It sounds like she will bang on your wall regardless, and you can’t live in fear of making absolutely any noise. Apartment living (or any attached accommodation) brings with it the risk of some noise transferance; that is life. Provided that noise isn’t excessive (eg thumping music), no-one has a right to complain.

Post # 32
Member
390 posts
Helper bee

As a civilian who (I presume) does not have training in de-escalating these types of situations or dealing with unstable people, you are not qualified to handle this safely any longer. Stop communicating directly with this person and call the police every time she bangs on the wall or otherwise harasses you.

Post # 33
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

cautiously3optimistic:  okay, agree with pp’s, stay away and do not make attempts to communicate with her.. keep your correspondence and hers, and contact the police. you need to start getting a file going with them, so IF she ends up doing something more than just pounding on a wall and writing nasty notes to you, you have evidence of her escalation of actions. They can then do something. She does sound off, and just because she drives a nice vehicle and appears sane does not mean that she is of sound mind. People like that are volitile. You don’t want to have a scenario where she comes after you physically or tries to destroy your personal property because she is having a moment of insanity. And no, you are not doing anything wrong. You are living your life, and you are entitled to do so and watch your tv as you see fit, move around your apt as you see fit, and enjoy your personal space and have a life. 

Post # 34
Member
7369 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Call the cops and look for the new place ASAP. You totally didn’t listen to what anyone said anyway, about not contacting her. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  .
Post # 36
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

cautiously3optimistic:  ugh. sorry you’re dealing with this!! from various experiences, you’ll never be able to get her to stop with notes or requests, or anythng that would work with a normal person… for whatever reason, probably because she’s whacked, she seems to feel completely entitled and think she can dictate how you HAVE to live. (btw, if she has a mental illness and isn’t getting help, that’s not your problem. it’s hers. you moved into a condo, not an assisted living facility.)

Honestly, you’re a better person than i am…i would have the TV turned up, music in the bedroom, i’d be dropping pots and pans on the kitchen floor by this point. & when she banged…i’d bang right back. haha. but i just have no tolerance for people like that. 

however, i think that you should continue to call the cops when she bangs… you’re complaints to the management company put you in the better position if it comes down to “he said, she said”. i can almost guarantee she didn’t call the management company so there is no history of her “complaints” about you. Especially if you don’t have any issues with other neighbors. 

I think part of the issue IS that you’re doing (or trying to do) what she unfairly demands… so she’ll just keep demanding more. it’s probably not about the noise in the first place, so there really is no way that you can stop her from banging by being quieter. i’m not saying you should start making noise intentionally, but also, don’t make yourself nuts by trying to accomodate her demands. just live, and when she gets obnoxious, call the cops. if everytime she bangs on your wall, the cops bang on her door… she might get the point. fingers crossed… 

 

PS: if you have enough reported incidents, you may even eventually be able to get a temporary restraining order against her just until you move out or something along those lines… 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  PenguinCandy.
Post # 37
Member
5531 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

Erin418:  my thoughts exactly

Post # 39
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee

Did the cops do anything? I would just keep calling them. Eventually they’ll have to do something. 

Post # 40
Member
14976 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Geez, Screw her.  If she started pounding, I’d turn it UP!  Or pound echo her pounding back.  The more she pounds, the more annoying I’d TRY to be.  I wouldn’t be rewarding her aggressive ridiculousness by bending to her every whim and unreasonable request.  She wants to play that stupid game, I’d dish it right back at her.  She will only do this as long as she thinks she has control and can get a rise out of you.

Post # 41
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

cautiously3optimistic:  In your situation, I probably would have done something similar. At first, calling the cops would have seemed like a drastic move. I would have tried to talk to her and see if we couldn’t solve the issue on our own. Obviously she can’t be reasoned with, so you had to call the cops. I don’t think you did anything wrong by trying to solve the issue without involving the cops.

<br />I feel like the management company is kind of skirting responsibility as well. If there is a problem, they should be the ones you can notify first and they can deal with her. You shouldn’t have to deal with her crazy banging and notes. And why was she allowed to rent a unit in the same place after being kicked out? I think that’s crap.

<br />I dealt with something similar years ago. I moved in to a tiny apartment complex that was super cheap. My neighbor downstairs was a very angry lady that the management company referred to as “the troll” which was terrible in itself. At first I wasn’t bothered by her but then she got kind of creepy and difficult to deal with. The stairs to my apartment were enclosed and she insisted that I should take off my shoes when going up the stairs. She told me that I needed to make the trash less stinky because it sat next to her window. She would sit outside and question anyone trying to come see me. She also complained to my grandparents that we were being loud while moving in a new bedroom set for me. She never banged on the wall or got overly-aggressive, but she made living there uncomfortable.

<br />It’s not the same, but I don’t think I would have called the cops unless I felt like she might hurt me. I tried to be reasonable with her and when she wouldn’t listen, I would just ignore her. That’s not an option for you and you shouldn’t have to put up with the banging. Since management doesn’t seem to want to deal with the issue directly, it looks like your only option is the cops. I would continue to live your life and not worry about being overly quiet all the time. I hope she gets evicted or leaves soon for your sake!

Post # 42
Member
2509 posts
Sugar bee

Did the cops do or say anything?

Post # 45
Member
3064 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

cautiously3optimistic:  I would go to the police station and make a report. You want to document what is happening in case she actually does call the police- then they will be aware of the situation. Don’t worry the cops are used to this sort of thing and if you go in prior and are rational and wanting to make a complaint/report they can help tell you what your legal options are.

When is your lease up? Maybe just move.

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