Post # 31
cautiously3optimistic: It sounds like she could have a PD, in which case engaging with her is the worst thing to do. It won’t change her behaviour, but it will give her a reaction, which is probably what she wants (NB: until I read your most recent update I was playing devil’s advocate and figured the banging could be something else; obviously that isn’t the case). I would keep the note, and next time she bangs, heed the advice of management and contact the police, also mentioning that you tried and failed to resolve things without involving them and that her response and subsequent behavior is making you frightened. I would also contact management again to inform them about the note; presumably if these units are rented they may be able to get rid of her if enough people complain/they have enough evidence (that could also be why they wanted you to call the police).
I also absolutely would not adjust my way of living. Obviously don’t be antagonistic, but don’t feel you can’t do normal things. It sounds like she will bang on your wall regardless, and you can’t live in fear of making absolutely any noise. Apartment living (or any attached accommodation) brings with it the risk of some noise transferance; that is life. Provided that noise isn’t excessive (eg thumping music), no-one has a right to complain.
Post # 32
As a civilian who (I presume) does not have training in de-escalating these types of situations or dealing with unstable people, you are not qualified to handle this safely any longer. Stop communicating directly with this person and call the police every time she bangs on the wall or otherwise harasses you.
Post # 33
cautiously3optimistic: okay, agree with pp’s, stay away and do not make attempts to communicate with her.. keep your correspondence and hers, and contact the police. you need to start getting a file going with them, so IF she ends up doing something more than just pounding on a wall and writing nasty notes to you, you have evidence of her escalation of actions. They can then do something. She does sound off, and just because she drives a nice vehicle and appears sane does not mean that she is of sound mind. People like that are volitile. You don’t want to have a scenario where she comes after you physically or tries to destroy your personal property because she is having a moment of insanity. And no, you are not doing anything wrong. You are living your life, and you are entitled to do so and watch your tv as you see fit, move around your apt as you see fit, and enjoy your personal space and have a life.
Post # 34
Call the cops and look for the new place ASAP. You totally didn’t listen to what anyone said anyway, about not contacting her.
Post # 35
bklynbridetobe: the advice was to call the cops. I called them today after getting the note back unopened and was going to update again. It took a little longer than perhaps you would have liked, but that is indeed what I did. Sorry I didn’t do it fast enough to qualify as listening to what anyone said anyway. Also, I talked to the management again about writing a note and they said that would be fine. If you don’t think I should bother posting, I wonder why you bother responding.
I move in in December. This doesn’t qualify as a lease-breaking incident, and I couldn’t afford to move again so soon anwyay.
Post # 36
cautiously3optimistic: ugh. sorry you’re dealing with this!! from various experiences, you’ll never be able to get her to stop with notes or requests, or anythng that would work with a normal person… for whatever reason, probably because she’s whacked, she seems to feel completely entitled and think she can dictate how you HAVE to live. (btw, if she has a mental illness and isn’t getting help, that’s not your problem. it’s hers. you moved into a condo, not an assisted living facility.)
Honestly, you’re a better person than i am…i would have the TV turned up, music in the bedroom, i’d be dropping pots and pans on the kitchen floor by this point. & when she banged…i’d bang right back. haha. but i just have no tolerance for people like that.
however, i think that you should continue to call the cops when she bangs… you’re complaints to the management company put you in the better position if it comes down to “he said, she said”. i can almost guarantee she didn’t call the management company so there is no history of her “complaints” about you. Especially if you don’t have any issues with other neighbors.
I think part of the issue IS that you’re doing (or trying to do) what she unfairly demands… so she’ll just keep demanding more. it’s probably not about the noise in the first place, so there really is no way that you can stop her from banging by being quieter. i’m not saying you should start making noise intentionally, but also, don’t make yourself nuts by trying to accomodate her demands. just live, and when she gets obnoxious, call the cops. if everytime she bangs on your wall, the cops bang on her door… she might get the point. fingers crossed…
PS: if you have enough reported incidents, you may even eventually be able to get a temporary restraining order against her just until you move out or something along those lines…
Post # 37
- Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France
Erin418: my thoughts exactly
Post # 38
Erin418: Well what would deny her power? She’s affecting my daily life. I can’t just say “hey this doesn’t bother me anymore” because it does. It’s very annoying and very hard to ignore. Generally it’s considered good manners to try to deal with people directly. I tried that, it didn’t work. Then I called the cops.
Post # 39
Did the cops do anything? I would just keep calling them. Eventually they’ll have to do something.
Post # 40
Geez, Screw her. If she started pounding, I’d turn it UP! Or pound echo her pounding back. The more she pounds, the more annoying I’d TRY to be. I wouldn’t be rewarding her aggressive ridiculousness by bending to her every whim and unreasonable request. She wants to play that stupid game, I’d dish it right back at her. She will only do this as long as she thinks she has control and can get a rise out of you.
Post # 41
cautiously3optimistic: In your situation, I probably would have done something similar. At first, calling the cops would have seemed like a drastic move. I would have tried to talk to her and see if we couldn’t solve the issue on our own. Obviously she can’t be reasoned with, so you had to call the cops. I don’t think you did anything wrong by trying to solve the issue without involving the cops.
<br />I feel like the management company is kind of skirting responsibility as well. If there is a problem, they should be the ones you can notify first and they can deal with her. You shouldn’t have to deal with her crazy banging and notes. And why was she allowed to rent a unit in the same place after being kicked out? I think that’s crap.
<br />I dealt with something similar years ago. I moved in to a tiny apartment complex that was super cheap. My neighbor downstairs was a very angry lady that the management company referred to as “the troll” which was terrible in itself. At first I wasn’t bothered by her but then she got kind of creepy and difficult to deal with. The stairs to my apartment were enclosed and she insisted that I should take off my shoes when going up the stairs. She told me that I needed to make the trash less stinky because it sat next to her window. She would sit outside and question anyone trying to come see me. She also complained to my grandparents that we were being loud while moving in a new bedroom set for me. She never banged on the wall or got overly-aggressive, but she made living there uncomfortable.
<br />It’s not the same, but I don’t think I would have called the cops unless I felt like she might hurt me. I tried to be reasonable with her and when she wouldn’t listen, I would just ignore her. That’s not an option for you and you shouldn’t have to put up with the banging. Since management doesn’t seem to want to deal with the issue directly, it looks like your only option is the cops. I would continue to live your life and not worry about being overly quiet all the time. I hope she gets evicted or leaves soon for your sake!
Post # 42
Did the cops do or say anything?
Post # 43
MrsCallalily: I started by calling the main line of the station closest to me. The guy I spoke to directed me to the neighborhood police station that deals with things like noise complaints. I explained my situation on the phone with him and he sent me an email asking me to email him my concerned. I outlined the situation start to finish and attached the conversations with the management and the scanned copies of the notes. That was this morning. I’m not really sure what will happen. I doubt they’ll do anything right away, but the next time something happens (and at this point I’m assuming it’s just a matter of time), I’ll call this guy directly and ask him to come deal with her.
Also, Apparently I was confused about the management situation. There is a community management company that is associated directly with the HOA and my unit specifically is managed by another company that was hired exclusively by my landlord to manage ONLY my apartment because my landlord isn’t local. I was not aware that the main guy who I’ve been speaking with does not actually manage her apartment as well. I just assumed he did because he is very familiar with her because she happened to have lived in my unit before me. Otherwise they’d have no idea who she is. So my management company is talking to the overall management company, and I’ve been emailing updates directy to the community management company as well. very confusing.
The most recent email I’ve received from the community managment company said that in their opinion this woman “has mental issues and from what I understand has been a nuisance to<br />a lot of the other tenants in the complex and everyone is being asked to report any further harassment by her. I am hopeful that she will be out soon.”
So that’s where things stand.
Post # 44
Unfortunately I have another update. In my most recent board post on another topic, I mentioned that my father fell and broke his hip last week. I was at home this past week helping him get started on his recovery. When I returned, I found a note on my door in the same almost-illegible scrawl from my neighbor. She asked my why I continue being loud late at night and also now apparently early in the morning. She said I seemed nice and professional but she was wrong because after the first time she left me a note, she was vandalized. She went on to say that I lack compassion and that intentionally disturbing others seems like a strange hobby for me to have. I went over to clear things up and explain that she couldn’t have been hearing me because I was out of town. She refused to believe me, said I’d really shown my “true colors now, honey” and that she called the cops on me for vandalizing her. I explained again that I could show her the flight records if she wanted, and asked her about the vandalism because I certainly haven’t done anything and this is the first time I was hearing of it. She refused to answer my question and said that she’d already called the cops on me, so I asked her why she was continuing to harass me. She said that I was harassing her. I asked why she kept leaving me notes and banging on my wall when I wasn’t doing anything and she said “AHA! I knew you were a liar! So you DID hear me banging last night!” I said that I was talking about her earlier pattern of behavior but she said “oh no honey, you won’t convince me of anything now!” so I just left after that. I mean she openly admitted to banging on the wall over literally nothing because the apartment was empty…. I am going to the police station today with the property manager. I’m not sure what will actually get done, but clearly she’s not willing to stop and has no interest in actually hearing anything I have to say. This is beyond creepy now, not to mention the fact that she’ escalating and accusing me of crimes now! I don’t know if she actually called the cops on me like she said she did, but clearly this problem is not going away.
Post # 45
cautiously3optimistic: I would go to the police station and make a report. You want to document what is happening in case she actually does call the police- then they will be aware of the situation. Don’t worry the cops are used to this sort of thing and if you go in prior and are rational and wanting to make a complaint/report they can help tell you what your legal options are.
When is your lease up? Maybe just move.