- 9 years ago
- Wedding: August 2009
My finance is second generation Chinese and has lived most of his life in the Bay Area. We are doing a "fusion style" wedding, combining Western traditions and Chinese traditions. For example, we are having a tea ceremony but not serving the traditional banquet. I have been really open to involving as many Chinese traditions as possible and am very concerned about not offending or miffing either his family or mine. That said, I’m also a PhD candidate trying to write my dissertation, so I haven’t had a ton of time to research extensively Chinese wedding traditions (although I did read a lot about the tea ceremony and what different banquet foods symbolize so that we could include those foods when possible.) Other than that, I’ve depended on my fiance and my future mother-in-law, who lives nearby and with whom I have a good relationship, to help me through this process.
The problem is that two of our bridesmaids (out of 5) got pregnant during our long engagement. No one told me that this is bad luck, even though my mother-in-law knew that at least one of the bridesmaids was pregnant over a month ago. Yesterday she told my fiance on the phone that it was bad luck, but that she hadn’t said anything before because there was nothing that could be done about it at this point. (We are getting married in late August.) My fiance was really angry at his mom – for not telling us before we picked the bridesmaids (we see her about every 2 weeks), and then not telling us a month ago but deciding to tell us now. I also think he is really upset because he feels like maybe he should’ve known about the tradition himself or that his relatives with think that and think he’s not "Chinese enough." (Which is not unlikely; his grandpa has said something similar before and he is not marrying a Chinese woman.)
For my part, I just feel awful and don’t know what to do. I do think it is too late to change bridesmaids – and these women are my best friends. If I had known about the tradition beforehand I absolutely would not have had any pregnant bridesmaids – perhaps only my little sister. But at this point I don’t know how to best deal with the situation. In the last few hours I’ve read some of the posts about bad luck and pregnant women at weddings….and I certainly wouldn’t want anything to happen to the babies and would probably feel responsible (just by power of suggestion) if it did. But I really don’t know if I can stomach upending all of our plans at this point. My friends would be very angry and upset as well; when I found out they were pregnant I offered them an "out" and said I’d be fine if they didn’t want to be a bridesmaid and they insisted on doing it.
Please help. Is there anything I can do to make this situation at least a little more bearable for everyone involved?