- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
So when I got engaged my mother (who’s been an alcoholic for 17 years) was over the moon; she was so excited, and for a while I was the “golden child” in her ever changing pyramid of favorites she plays with us kids (a classic alcoholics game.) A few months ago I was staying with my parents for a bellydance festival in my home town when she blew up at me for as-of-yet-unnammed reason (she was drinking) and became both verbally and physically abusive. Some of the things she said were:
You disgust me.
I feel sorry for (fiance) for having to marry you
Enjoy the wedding (insinuating that she wouldn’t be there)
Your life is all messed up (it’s not, I have a career and we just bought a house and I’m about to marry an amazing man.)
Some of the things she did:
Tried to choke me (my dad pulled her off.)
Hit me twice (supposedly she tried for the face, but she was so drunk that she tripped and fell, and the blows hit me in the chest instead; she’s much shorter than I am.)
I’m currently swimming amongst a ton of emotions, but right now I know for a fact that I don’t want to see her, speak to her, or be around her. Unfortunately my fiance’s family is now wanting to meet my parents, which is a natural, normal inclination. The problem is, obviously, how do I introduce an abusive alcoholic to my fiances lovely Greek family without being around her or having her stay in my house, and also not speaking to her? It’s a struggle right now trying to impress to my fiance and co. how strongly I do not want her around me, yet I understand their need to meet her before we get married, as regardless of how effed up she is, she’s still family.
I’m having a hard time getting my fiance to understand that it’s not a matter of “she’s not going to try anything while she’s here because there’s a bunch of people here.” She has yet to contact me or apologize for her behavior, because she’s an abuser and acknowledging that she was wrong would be acknowledging that it’s abuse and she has a problem. Any other adult children dealing with alcoholic or abusive parents and the normal wedding things that make these relationships even more difficult? I really just don’t know what to do.