Post # 1
This is more a question out of curiosity than looking for advice on any particular situation. My OH and I have lived very different lives. He still lives in his small hometown and sees the people he grew up with on a regular basis. I moved away from home for college and have lived in several cities since then. I don’t keep in touch with many people I grew up with.
My fiancé has an ex that he dated for about 5 years. They were one of those couples that keeps breaking up and getting back together because they were always spending time together due to their shared friendship group. She tried to pressure him into marriage and ended things when she realized he wasn’t ready. She was very terrible to him and neither my fiancé, his friends, or his family can tolerate her, so I’m not concerned about my fiancé having any lingering feelings for her. She however, seems to think everyone still thinks very highly of her. My OH’s mother works in a shop nearby and every single time she goes there (which is frequent) she makes a point to tell them all the latest news about her life, and ask about my fiancé. When we got engaged we went out for a celebratory meal with OH’s friends and she was there. Apparently she was very visibly upset and left the restaurant mid meal with her OH. I didn’t notice as I have no idea what she looks like. His friends we were out with knew her from when they used to date and they saw what happened.
Because I’ve moved so often I don’t really have positive or negative feelings about my exes. Some I’m friends with, and the others I just never think about them because our lives are so separate. My fiancé is the same. He’s had several relationships since this woman and she never crosses his mind, except when she approaches his family and tries to remind them of her existence. But he is her only ex, as far as I’m aware. Her reaction so many years later is something I just can’t relate to. So I’m curious. What is it like to have an ex when you live in the same small town and your lives still cross paths? Is it harder to move on? If the breakup was messy do you feel the need to compete, for lack of a better word?
Post # 2
This won’t be answering your questions, sorry, but what I did get from this was – I wonder how her current OH felt about the fact that she was upset to see her ex and his new fiancée and had to leave the restaurant…poor man!
Post # 3
FromA2B2013: I had the same thought too! That’s what prompted my curiosity. Of course I get sad after a break up but once I’m in a new relationship I’ve moved on. Especially after being with a new person for years. Such an odd reaction.
Post # 4
I live in a really small town Fiance and I both grew up here and we both run into exes all the time. I see 2 of my exes every day when I pick my kids up from daycare. Usually one of us says hey how are you as we pass and thats about it. Same with Fiance, if he runs into an ex they just say hey in passing. I agree with PP I feel bad from the guy, sounds like she was just being a drama queen.
Post # 5
We live in my FI’s tiny hometown (700 people lol) and EVERY TIME we go to the grocery store, his “ex” is there. I use quotation marks because they were never officially together; they went on one date but she was in love with him. But usually Fiance says a casual, “hey, how are you?” And its done. Since I’ve been around wearing an engagement ring, she doesn’t say anything anymore, usually just offers a small smile at him and moves on.
But I asked Fiance about this, and he said he had no desire to compete with his exes. He said it can get hard to move on, especially because everyone knows your business! Fiance was married before and his ex-wife started dating while they were going through a divorce. Fiance said he didn’t feel the need to compete but once you’ve been with one person for so long, you want that relationship stability, so he felt pressure to find someone. If both people are mature, there shouldn’t be drama though. Just say a casual, “Hi” and keep walking.
Post # 6
ABL12490: OH and I are long distance so this is the first time we’ve run into her together. And OH is in the military so he has been stationed away from home for awhile and only moved back a year or so ago. I will be moving there when we get married next year, and I am a little bit weary of her approaching me. She didn’t say anything this time, but the last time OH saw her he was alone and she marched right over with her now boyfriend and started telling him all about their latest vacation.
When they were together she was so horrible that she said she hoped he would get shot when he was deployed in the Middle East. Why on earth she thinks he and his family want to even see her, let alone hear about her life, I don’t know. But she clearly has very little self awareness so I am a little concerned about seeing her out and about once I live there. I’m hoping that seeing me with a rock on hand knocked some sense into her.
Post # 7
browneyedgirl86: I cannot believe she said she wished he would get shot! How absolutely horrific of her! I’m glad you don’t let her bother you. We live in a small town but neither of us had very long term relationships besides each other so our exes aren’t so serious or a huge source of heartache. We’re good friends with one of his exes, my sister is good friends with one of mine so we see them often. Others we see in passing since it is such a small town but we don’t give it much thought. There’s one girl that caused a lot of issues in our relationship and she works at the local ice cream shop that we love to go to (it was our first date) so it’s hard to avoid her but it reaaallllly bothers me everytime he politely says hi (I respect him being polite but gosh I wish he’d just ignore her!)
Post # 8
browneyedgirl86: I have the feeling this woman would be acting like this, no matter the town size. With things like Facebook, it’s ridiculously easy to check an ex’s relationship status. Hell, if you have mutual friends, it probably is ocassionally strewn across your own news feed whether you wanted to know or not.
Unbalanced is unbalanced – which this person clearly is.
Post # 9
I’m glad to hear your Fiance has the right attitude about her. So sad for her that she’s obviously still got issues if she feels the need to insert herself into his life and got so upset that she had to leave the restaurant. No matter what’s going on with her, it sounds like you have nothing to worry about.
We don’t exactly live in a small town, but we live very close to where my Fiance and his ex-wife grew up. It’s more like a series of interconnected small towns. She only lives about 15-20 minutes from us so I do wonder what will happen if we run into each other. Despite the fact that she cheated on him before and after the wedding, left him for the other guy and got pregnant, then had an abortion and went back to my Fiance before finally leaving him and marrying the other guy, she thinks they’re still friends or something. There’s a free summer concert series in our town and I’d love to be there tonight, but we know from mutual friends that she and her family go every week and I really don’t want to deal with the awkwardness of seeing them. She even texted my Fiance a few weeks ago to invite him to go. Ugh! He has no desire to be friends but has to remain friendly until she finishes paying him back for their wedding loan. This whole thing makes me so glad my ex has moved away!