(Closed) Dealing with baby questions?

posted 10 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

We have this happen alot and I just look the person in the eye and laughing say "I am not sure I am ready for that step, give me a couple years and I will get back to you" and they seem satisfied. I explain (which is entirely the truth) That I have not come to terms with the whole baby in the stomach, birthing aspect of it all. It usually shuts people up fast. It does not say that I don’t want kids and that we won’t have them in the future it just postpones everything for a while.

Post # 4
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Um, story time.  My husband’s family is DESPERATE for me to have children.  They call me selfish, say they wish my husband had married someone who would produce children right away, etc.  Mind you, we have only been married 7 months and the biological clock is nowhere near running out (I’m 25).  My Mother-In-Law went so far as to HIDE my birth control when we were visiting her last — and, mind you, I take BC beause I have wound up in the hospital multiple times in the past with bursting ovarian cysts, not to prevent pregnancy.

Here’s the kicker, though.  My husband is moving 3 hours away in June for the rest of his residency.  I’m staying here to finish my Ph.D.  When he was applying to residency programs, he knew I would still have several years left to finish, but he made the decision that he wanted to do his residency where he wanted to settle down, rather than stay here with me and move later (I would finish before him and start a post-doc so regardless we’d be living apart at some point).  But, HE is still the one leaving ME.  He could have stayed in this area, but chose not to… and yet somehow, I am the "bad wife" because I’m not willing to raise a child basically by myself while I am in the lab 80 hours/week.  Nobody in his family gives him a hard time about moving away from me, but rather, they give me a ton of shit for not dropping out of graduate school and rushing to his side and producing offspring immediately.

I’m sorry, but I am really f-ing sick of being nothing more than a glorified uterus, and that is what I now tell people who bug me about children. I used to be nice and smile and say we weren’t ready yet, but once they started slinging mud at me, I started telling them the truth — I’m more than a pair of ovaries, and if they are that desperate for a baby in the family, then they are more than welcome to go adopt one themselves.

Post # 5
Member
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

People have already started asking me, and we’re not even married yet.  I guess they assume that because of my age (37), we’ll start trying before the wedding, even.

I was really nice about it at first, saying all the right things… but one person kept at it incessantly.  He was driving me batty with his speculations about why I was or wasn’t having a drink on a given day.  I finally told him, "you know, with the medical condition, we’re not even sure we can have kids of our own."  It wasn’t nice, but he never asked again ๐Ÿ˜‰

With a few other people who have been persistent, I’ve said, "you know, these questions kind of freak me out…".  Most have left it alone after that.

Post # 6
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I just recently blogged about this ๐Ÿ™‚

http://calioc.blogspot.com/2008/12/knot-nest-egg.html

Basically I got everyone off my back because the neighbor below us chain smokes in his  condo and it comes up through our airconditioning.  So I have the "health of the baby" as a reason not to do it righ away.  That said, we do want children, and I think we will be ready to start this summer.  I’m just sick of my fmil not only bugging about kids but she’s even gone on about babysitting them — and that’s a whole other story!

Post # 7
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA

I’m shocked that no one has asked us yet.  Luckily, two of Mr. Cupcake’s cousins got married in the two years before our wedding, so I am hoping that if anyone gets bugged about babies, it will be them first ๐Ÿ™‚ 

If anyone asks us, my default answer is going to be "we’ll have kids when we’re ready, and we’ll be sure to let you know when we’re expecting."  Frankly, it’s no one’s business and I think it is so invasive and presumptuous for people to ask such a personal question. Especially because not everyone can just snap their fingers and be pregnant…. it can take a lot of trying and waiting, no matter how much you may want it. 

Post # 8
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

ugh- ditto.  driving me batty.  but it was the same before we were engaged with the "when ya going to get married"

I’m 32, and most people are not satisfied with my answer of "we’re not there yet"  and they just roll their eyes, or laugh and say it will probably happen in 6 months.

And I’m in similar boat as julieulie as my husband and I are currently living about 4 hours apart while I try to find a job in our new hometown.  (he’s already there) 

Post # 9
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2007

We approach it different ways. Currently, we’ve been telling people we have a blue cyclops child with one eye that we keep in the basement. They leave us alone after that.

Post # 10
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Ah the famous question. When people don’t ask you if you are going to get married they ask you when are the babies?

The very day of our wedding, as we walked into the small reception his cousin had organized for us, we were asked when we were going to have children now that we were married.

Wow! Let the ink dry on the marriage certificate first!

 We get asked more and more often now (we’ve been married a year and a half for the civil wedding and 2 month for the family wedding). This past week had pretty bad heartburn and we went to visit his mom. He called her ahead asking if she had soup for me (I needed something light) and told her I had stomach pain. Well as soon as I walked in she asked if I was pregant… And kept on going until I got tired and told her "I take BC and I had my period 2 weeks ago, I am not pregnant!"

In general we just tell people we’re not ready yet. Or that we can’t provide for children, and also that there are many things we want to do before we had kids, including a visit to my home country this fall or winter and that I want to be able to drink wine while in France.

Friends of ours have taken a different approche and they answer that: "Oh we’re not sure we want kids yet" or even "I’m not sure I love him/her enough to have kids", or other silly answers to get people to shut up.

I think when it’s a first time question it’s fair to explain, but if people push it I see no reason to be nice. It’s a private personal matter, and they’ll find out when you decide it.

Post # 11
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Agh – julieeulie, I’m so sorry.  My sister (who has a young child) has her PhD, and now has a pretty high-powered job that requires some travel.  Her hubby actually took a job with less responsibility so that he would be more able to take care of their child alone when she was out of town, but his parents give her a really hard time.  Occasionally even my parents imply that everyone would be happier if she was a more traditional mom.  It’s really frustrating that women get raked over the coals for doing things that would be just fine with everyone if they were not the partner with the uterus.

And doctorgirl – that’s hilarious!  I love your answer.

My husband has two kids from his former marriage, who live with us.  When people tell me "You know, you’re both young enough to have children!"  I respond "Well, technically we already do."

Post # 12
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - St. Catherine of Genoa, Jin Asian Cuisine Restaurant

No direct baby questions yet…

However, over the holidays there were baby "hints." We had given each of our aunts and uncles a small book of our wedding photos… we had a few aunts comment that our next little book of pictures would be the baby book… Mr. T freaked.

Post # 13
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2007 - Hyatt Lodge, Oak Brook IL

ohmygosh, I really hate that question, especially from my husband’s family!!!

Post # 14
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Im still engaged, and it was mentioned it would be nice to have grandchild for next christmas! My FH pointed out we arent getting married until April of ’09, so that’s not likely. 

I can’t remember the exact wording but it was a ‘miracles can happen!’ response.

Post # 15
Member
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

@Suzanno- I’m glad you got it ๐Ÿ˜‰  I thought it was great…

Post # 16
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2010

i would just tell them that you want couple time and sleep for as long as you can. or i’d say that you’re storing up sleep (it’s true.. you don’t sleep at ALL for the first few years.. take it from me- i have a 2 year old! either way, I’d say something that is joking back (I guess it’s just because I joke a lot) but it oughta shut them up. laughter is the best medicine, isn’t it?

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