(Closed) Dealing with broke friends?

posted 8 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@judithsr: I think it’s harder with the men, because women have a better understanding of what the financial cost of being bridesmaid is beforehand and men don’t really think about it.  I have no advice really though. Darling Husband knew that one of them might have an issue and before he asked we agreed we would offer to pay if he couldn;t afford it.

Post # 4
Member
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t really know that we eveer had a conversation, but we just knew that if we wanted certain friends in the wedding party we’d have to foot the bill… 

Post # 6
Member
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@judithsr: In our case our broke friends were DH’s siblings.  Paying for their stuff is pretty standard (Christmas presents for their parents, anytime we go out to eat, etc.), so in out particular case it never occurred to us that they would actually pay for their own stuff…

In YOUR case though, I think it’s reasonable to tell him the costs up front and ask if that’s ok.  If he really can’t come up with it by the day, you’ll have to decide if you can pony up the rest, or cut him.

Post # 7
Member
1954 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I wouldn’t necessarily offer to pay for everyone, but I would maybe try to help out those who are vocal about having financial difficulties paying. I wouldn’t advertise it to other members of the wedding party, just keep it between you and the groomsmen. Maybe you could make that their gift for being in the wedding instead of a traditional gift. I’m sure they would appreciate it just as much as a gift.

Post # 8
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Do these guys own suits?  If tux rental is going to be a financial hardship for all of them, perhaps they could wear suits they already own?

Post # 9
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Yea, suits they already own… or would they be willing to shell out the cash if they could keep the suits they bought? We’re doing this with studiosuits.com, my Fiance feels better about the price (around $150 total) and knowing his groomsmen will wear the suits again. But this option is typically more casual than a tux. So not sure it’s what you’re looking for.

Post # 11
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Here is what I would do.

Buy less expensive suits.  Buying a suit you can wear again may go over better than renting a suit you have to take back.  I just ordered my FH a suit on Overstock.com for $95 a week ago.  There was no way he was spending money on clothing he had to give back.  He took the suit to the tailor yesterday and they are charging $60 to hem the pants, take in the waist and shorten the sleeves.  Of course less tailoring work would cost less money, dependng on the groomsmen’s physiques.  Overstock had other suits that are less expensive and of course there are other places that sell suits as well.

I’d have the groomsmen give you guys the $ and you buy the suits as a group purchase.  It sounds like they are going to mess around and then your weddng day will be here and they won’t have a suit.  Maybe you can have them give you monthly payments and then when it’s time you add to the amount the groomsmen have given you if necessary. 

Post # 12
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@judithsr: we’re having a similar issue – but the place we’re getting the tuxes offer one free tux rental – I guess it’s usually the grooms but we’re choosing to split the “free” tux over all the others so there’ll be a discount.  We’re also toying around with the idea that we’ll pay for half as their groomsman gift or whatever…that cuts it down a bit…but yeah, I understnad what you mean.  My bridesmaids were all more than happy with the price – they had expectations that dresses would be higher. No idea what the groomsman think…

Post # 13
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@judithsr: we’re having a similar issue – but the place we’re getting the tuxes offer one free tux rental – I guess it’s usually the grooms but we’re choosing to split the “free” tux over all the others so there’ll be a discount.  We’re also toying around with the idea that we’ll pay for half as their groomsman gift or whatever…that cuts it down a bit…but yeah, I understnad what you mean.  My bridesmaids were all more than happy with the price – they had expectations that dresses would be higher. No idea what the groomsman think…

Post # 14
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Honestly they knew by saing yes that theywould have to rent a tux.. but if they are really having a hard time with it, and they are someone that you really want to be in the wedding I would help with the cost.

Post # 14
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

That’s a toughie.  Renting tuxes was never really even talked about for us, we wanted it to be easy for them all to be a part of the wedding so they’re all wearing black suits, black shoes and white shirts they already had.  We’re buying socks and ties and they’ll have matching boutonnieres to tie it all together.

Maybe it would be easier for them all to see the information in an email or message all at once – that way they all see it and can discuss from there? 

Once you have their thoughts you can move forward on findingthe best solution.

That’s what we did to try and figure out what they’d be wearing.

Good luck!

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