(Closed) Dealing with Costs as Bridesmaid

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
9549 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Hm. I’d probably decline the bachelorette party but stay in the wedding unless it gets really bad. But if you’re reallyu confident that it will go really badly then you might just bow out now. I would think the bride would be reasonable and understand that you can’t come on the weekend trip, but she doesn’t seem to be the most reasonable of people, so you would probably be a better judge of that.

Post # 3
4035 posts
Honey bee

blueflower:  Eek, while there are definitely costs associated with being a bridesmaid, the one’s you mentioned are absolutely ridiculous. Other than getting a dress and showing up to events, I didn’t expect my bridesmaids to do anything really, though many of them were very helpful and involved.

Honestly, do you want to be friends with someone who would guilt trip you like this and have very selfish, unrealistic expectations? Loosing a friendship can be hard, but it doesn’t seem like she is really that good of a friend if she is behaving this way.

Post # 5
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

blueflower:  Your friend is a gift grabby, ungrateful bee-yotch.  The bride doesn’t get to plan and then demand her bridal shower and bachelorette parties and she especially doesn’t get to spend her BMs money however she wants.  Those are parties thrown in honor of the bride and personally I wouldn’t throw this bride s#it.

This is not someone is going to be your friend in another 5 years I guarantee it.  And if by some miracle she is, she will be throwing a ridiculous baby shower and expecting you to pony up super expensive gifts for her precious first born.  Cut the cord now and be done with it.  She’ll be pissed but honestly it’s only going to get worse as the wedding gets closer.  Has she demended you pay for professional hair, nails, and makeup yet?

Post # 6
1678 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

blueflower:  i mean…yes. being a bridesmaid can be pricey. but that’s a bit too much. my bachelorette party cost $150 a person for the weekend for lodging, and then everyone threw in like $50 for decor, booze, and food. and it was super nice and amazing!

i think some women on this earth have lost their minds.

Post # 8
2946 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wedding planning does cause stress, but not that much.  I think it more draws out what is important to us.  If your friendship was more important than the money, the conversation with her would have gone one of two ways.  “What can I do to help you with the budget?” or “Can I just pay so you can come with?  It will be our secret.”   

Based on what you have said about her, she may be less stressed after the wedding, but she is still going to expect elebrate spending on your part to be a part of her circle.   If you want to continue spending money to be her friend, you can, but I’m not sure I would.

Post # 9
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

my cousin treated us bridesmaids like this. And now that the wedding is all said and done, i have not really spoken to her. And i regret spending so much money on such an materialistic person. How anyone can just treat their “best” friends and family in this manner blows my mind. If i were you, i would drop out while you can.

Post # 11
9793 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

blueflower:  ANNIE SUCKS.  

seriously. If I wanted a fancy boat bachy- then I would pay for the boat. How can you force people to drop money like that? Its insane.

But if you wanted to keep a friendship with dear Annie, and hope she recovers from this bratty moment then you stay in the party but decline on the bachy in a nice but firm way:

Annie dear, its not that I dont want you to have your dream party- of course I do. Its the fact that my love for you has zero correlation with my bank account. And unfathomable as it may be- I cannot afford to take part in your destination, private boat, bottle service bachelorette. I feel terrible to miss your party but im sure youll have an amazing time regardless, and I hope youll forgive me and realize its truly nothing personal.      

Post # 12
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010


blueflower: Here’s the thing – a bridal shower and bachelorette are parties that are planned by other people for the Bride if they so choose.  They don’t owe it to the bride – they are an honor and a gift.

Your friend seems to be under the impression that its her right to dictate the details of the party she wants and for her bridal party to foot the bill to indulge her whims.  She is grossly misinformed.

It is not her place nor her right to plan her own party and shame on her for placing such extravagant demands on her attendants.  Regardless of what the Maid/Matron of Honor or any of the other attendants want or have been bullied into agreeing too, you are not under any obligation to capitulate to these ridiculous demands.  You can either tell the Maid/Matron of Honor that you are terribly sorry, but it won’t be possible for you to spend that amount of money and either tell her what you can spend or opt out all together.  You can also suggest something far more reasonable – like a nice little bridal shower at someone’s house and a local pub crawl bachelorette.  I think if you sent a group e-mail you may find the other BM’s hop right on board with that plan. 

If the bride in question finds these suggestions unsatisfactory, then she is grossly ungrateful and I suggest you invite her to plan and pay for her own parties.   

Post # 14
4412 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m sorry. This is a really hard place to be in. Yes, being a part of a wedding comes with expenses (which is why I didn’t have a bridal party…I didn’t want my friends to feel this way), but these are really expensive events. Both a bridal shower and bachelorette party are not left up to the bride to decide what she wants. They are events that come from the good grace of the bridal party…no one actually has to throw you a shower or bachelorette party. Make the decision that is best for you. If you cannot attend the weekend, you cannot attend the weekend. If you feel it would be best to drop out of the wedding party, do so. Think carefully before you make that choice as it will affect your friendship, especially by the way you describe Annie. If it’s the best choice though, I would do it. 

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