(Closed) Dealing with CRITICISM

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Judging you based on what?  

For me, peoples’ criticism generally only bothers me if I’m already doubting what I’m doing or if I feel guilty or silly about something.  If I’m confident in my decisions, I really don’t care what other people say.  Have you thought about whether or not you are confident in your decisions?  If people commenting on eloping is bothering you, maybe part of you isn’t sure you want to elope or may fear regretting not having a big wedding?  

Just something to think about.  Not criticizing you in any way.

Post # 5
Member
2250 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@FutureMrsWillard88:  People are going to criticize you no matter what you do, so do what makes YOU happy! Congrats lady! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Why wouldn’t they be happy for you?  That seems odd if they’re friends of yours.  Are they not happy because you are eloping and would rather you have a wedding?  I guess I just don’t see what is drawing so much criticism.

Post # 7
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

I’ll politely listen to criticism, as long as it’s presented politely, which generally means the person has to know me well, and  say it in a respectful way at a good time (e.g., just the two of us over drinks on an otherwise calm day). I’ll listen and respectfully agree, disagree, or take some time to think about it. Often, they don’t know the whole story, so that gives them a chance to learn what’s really going on and change their perspective. And, sometimes, it lets me know how I’m coming across, which I may not have realized. If your friends can’t tell you the truth, who can, right?

If the person is being rude about it though, the first time they do so I will tell them they’re being rude and ask them to correct their behavior. If they keep doing it they are running out of my patience and get closer to being booted out of my life. I try to go by a “three strikes and you’re out” rule. (though really it varies depending how much the person matters to me and how much I can understand their rudeness.. for example if they’re going through a divorce or layoff or something, I am more forgiving than usual about bad behavior).

Post # 8
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@FutureMrsWillard88:  They probably are judging you, you’re not imagining it. People are already judgy *enough* about other peoples weddings, and that’s without a baby on the way or eloping (the horror!!/sarcasm).

 

My advice? Come here, vent, get it out of your system and possibly tell them to worry about themselves. Then move forward with your plans and enjoy your wedding.

Post # 10
Member
5788 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Why are you still friends with this person? When you think about your life without them are you relieved or upset? I’m all for honesty but I don’t have a place in my life for people that are constant downers. I suggest you deal with it by distancing yourself from the relationship

Post # 11
Member
5957 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@FutureMrsWillard88:  There comes a point where tellilng someone else, “Agnes, I love you, you’re a loudmouthed, surly faced, sour puss having hag, but I love you….now, if we’re done taking each other’s inventory…how bout we go get some brunch already?”  Is the only way to get them to realize how awful it is to have someone weigh and measure you like that.

Post # 12
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Ohh.. well, negative people aren’t going to change.  You don’t need her approval though and her disapproval likely stems from her own issues, nothng more.  Maybe you need to put some space between you.  If she starts in with her negativity, just cut her off and say “I’m really happy. If you can’t be happy for me, then I can’t discuss the wedding/baby with you anymore.” Then change the topic.  Eventually, she’ll realize you aren’t going to listen to her negativity and will either curb it or leave you alone.

Post # 14
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@FutureMrsWillard88:  judging from your last comment, she’s probably making a comment that goes well beyond your wedding and more to your life choices. I agree with the PPs that are asking why this person is in your life to begin with. If I were in your shoes, I would ask myself if having this person in my life makes me a better person. If the answer is no, well then see you later!

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